Never a dull moment with America’s royalty

Oak Lawn (IL) Reporter ^ | 7/10/03 | Michael M. Bates

[mikeb704]

They’re baaack! The Kennedys, that is. America’s royal family. The dynasty. The family that, as we’ve been told many times, has been cursed with so many tragedies.

Last month a national poll was taken on how people feel about the family patriarch, Senator Edward M. Kennedy. Opinion was evenly divided, with 44 percent having a favorable opinion of him and an identical percentage holding an unfavorable view. Not much of a surprise there.

What amazes me, however, is that four percent of the people surveyed had never even heard of Edward M. Kennedy. How is that possible? Given their lack of knowledge, that four percent must certainly be Democrats, which makes their ignorance of Teddy and his Amazing Liver even more implausible.

Quite clearly, this Kennedy unawareness was intolerable and needed immediate remedy. So last week Ted’s niece, Kerry Kennedy Cuomo, got in the news. She and her husband separated, thus extending the family’s unparalleled chain of "tragedies" and recapturing the public attention that America’s royal family alone deserves.

Then it came out that her husband had sought the severance of the connubial bond. Seems that Kerry, daughter of the late Robert "I’ll take JFK’s hand me downs as long as they look like Marilyn Monroe" Kennedy, has been something less than a faithful wife. Mr. Cuomo’s lawyer declared that her client felt betrayed by his wife’s conduct.

News reports are that Kerry’s been involved with a married man, a polo-playing rich guy. Funny, isn’t it, how a party of the people gal like Kerry takes a leave of absence from her marriage to get it on with a gent who plays polo in Argentina? You’d think she’d be seeking out the sympathetic understanding of a United Farm Worker or someone like that.

Not wanting his cousin to be the only one hogging the limelight, Congressman Patrick Kennedy (D-RI), Teddy’s son, took action a few days ago. He made news by telling a group of Young Democrats that he doesn’t need any part of President Bush’s tax cut. The reason is, "I’ve never worked a (expletive deleted) day in my life."

I have no doubt that’s the utter truth. Still, he did have a flunky try to clean up afterward by saying that Patrick was "energizing the crowd and got caught up in it and used an unfortunate word, which he regrets using." At first I thought the unfortunate word he was referencing was "worked," but I guess not.

What he should have said was that young Kennedy regretted getting caught using an unfortunate word. Then again, the press should never have reported the incident and thus it is yet another Kennedy family calamity we can mourn.

Patrick is all too familiar with the family’s heartbreaking heritage, having deeply been involved in a catastrophe a dozen years ago. It began innocently enough at Easter in Palm Beach. His Dad woke him and his cousin, William Kennedy Smith, up one night.

Teddy is an old school parent and thinks families should do things together. You know, things like hitting bars and picking up women. So that’s what our valiant heroes, shouldering all the responsibilities of Camelot, did.

One of the women who accompanied the boys home later that night testified that the Honorable Senator Kennedy pranced around without his pants on. He did have on a nicely tailored oxford shirt, and possibly even underwear. She wasn’t sure.

Patrick jumped to his father’s defense, insisting that he did indeed keep his trousers on. And you think Chelsea Clinton had it rough.

Another one of the gals claimed Cousin Willie had raped her. He admitted having sex with her, but maintained it was consensual. A jury believed him. His lawyer said that it was Teddy’s testimony, bolstered by the senator’s personal magnetism, that persuaded the jury.

Yet another family heartbreak, one coming at a totally unanticipated time. As Teddy had said, they had merely been observing a traditional Kennedy family holiday. Maybe that’s the problem: That is a traditional Kennedy family holiday.

And now they’re back in the news. Like the Clintons, they just won’t go away. Life, as John Kennedy was fond of saying, is unfair.

[mikeb704]

How "credible" is it that Teddy did a cover-up at Chappaquiddick?

For a quick overview, may I suggest:

Teddy turns 70 and we’re supposed to celebrate

[mikeb704]

. . . we never get to the truth with the Kennedys and the Clintons because they refuse to tell it!

And their bootlicking Kool Aid drinkers can never remember a single thing, darn it.

[mikeb704]

One of the interesting aspects of your account is that the incident took place after Teddy supposedly cleaned up his act. According to the WP:

He made a highly publicized speech at Harvard in 1991, acknowledging “the disappointment of friends and many others who rely on me” and promised to overcome “the faults in the conduct of my private life” as he continued to “fight the good fight” in the Senate.

[mikeb704]

She can never be elected president. . .

I surely hope you're right. My concern is that it wasn't too long ago that many of us took satisfaction in believing She can never be elected senator.

[mikeb704]

A lot of us don't have any memories of Ted before he became a sorry mess.

That must have been very early, like before he got kicked out of Harvard for cheating.

[WorkingClassFilth]

"A lot of us don't have any memories of Ted before he became a sorry mess."

I once saw a photograph of the Kennedy family in Europe before the war. Teddy was a cute little fellow, looking for all the world like a young chipmunk wearing shorts.

Today, he still looks like a chipmunk with winter's worth of food stuffed in his florid cheeks. By some accounts, he still prances about playfully in his shorts...

[mikeb704]

I once saw a photograph of the Kennedy family in Europe before the war. Teddy was a cute little fellow, looking for all the world like a young chipmunk wearing shorts.