JUST ASKIN’ IX ©

Just askin’: Considering the fact that Hillary Clinton did not actually write her autobiography, isn’t Hillary Clinton actually a pen name for Hillary Clinton? (Say, what?)

Just askin’: Where in the Declaration of Independence does it say feminists are endowed by Their Creator with an inalienable right to be wrong?

Just askin’: Teddy Kennedy being Teddy Kennedy and Jane Fonda being Jane Fonda, wouldn’t it be a good idea for the cops to start dragging Golden Pond for bodies?

Just askin’: If Bill Clinton becomes the head the United Nations, will the delegates have to change the title of the office to The Secretary Genital? And, in the further interest of accuracy, shouldn’t we change the name of The Congressional Black Caucus to The Congressional Black Cuckoos?

Just askin’: Should we require Mexican trucks entering the United States to be air-conditioned so that the illegal aliens locked inside and abandoned by the driver can suffocate to death in comfort?

Just askin’: Since Anne Heche defected from their ranks, will lesbian marriage certificates also require them to sign a loyalty oath?

Just askin’: Does Iraq losing the war mean the Chelsea/Uday nuptials are cancelled?

Just askin’: Where do all these people in the media “tsk tsk-ing” about the Jayson Blair scandal get the idea that the news-nerds at The New York Times have any capacity for embarrassment when apparently they do not?

Just askin’: Due to some bureaucratic quirk, is it possible that the Justice Department and the State Department have finally become more incompetent than each other?

Just askin’: Maybe Maxine Waters has a point. When you come right down to it, who has Lincoln freed lately?

Just askin’: Does it say something about life in the inner city that doctors are writing prescriptions for narcotics in Ebonics? Does it imply that the nearest Walgreens that can fill them is somewhere in South America?

Just askin’: Should Hans Blix be sent to Chappaqua to investigate Bill Clinton’s Weapon of Mass Turbation?

Just askin’: Wouldn’t this be the right time for the Harvard School of Journalism to establish a Jayson Blair Chair in Plagiarism?

Just askin’: How come people who need the special dispensations of Affirmative Action never have to produce Proof of Inferiority?

Just askin’: Did Jesse Jackson learn to “improve” his English by debating mules?

Just askin’: Is it safe to say everyone will know which President of the United States you are talking about when you refer to “Mogadishu Bill”?

Just askin’: In there any protocol that determines when lesbians get fresh with each other who slaps who first?

Just askin’: When will Jacques Chirac dispatch his French Foreign Legion mercenaries to aid France’s courageous ally, Hamas, in machine gunning Israeli buses on the way to day care?

Just askin’: What is there about being on the television camera that overcomes journalists with the compulsion to all talk at the same time?

Just askin’: Is it true the Clinton Library’s grand opening will feature an exhibition of celebrity sperm? And will the invitations read “Cum As You Are”?

Just askin’: Isn’t it time to call murder by Palestinians by its proper name - Hamas-cide?

Just askin’: In light of her affinity for the phrase “fucking Jew bastard”, is it too late for the Tribunal at Nuremburg to subpoena Hillary Clinton?

Just askin’: Outside of a silver bullet, is there any way to stop Alan Colmes from parroting the phrase, “Let’s put it in perspective”?

Just askin’: Was the plagiarism scandal at the New York Times the fruit or just the flower of Affirmative Action?

Just askin’: Considering the profundity of his disgrace, how does Bill Clinton manage to maintain his happy-go-shitty attitude?

Just askin’: What the hell did Publisher Arthur “Pinch” Sulzberger mean when he said that there is nothing wrong at the New York Times and he’s going to fix it?

Just askin’: Why doesn’t Harvard cut through the bullshit and just open a Kennedy School of Kennedyism?

Just askin’: Have the coalition soldiers searching for Saddam Hussein tried looking in the underground bunker at Rainbow/Push?

Just askin’: Is it just a matter of time until people who are “stature deprived” declare it “politically incorrect” to type the word “midget” in lower case?

Just askin’: Why does the media consider it big news when black people kill each other when it s actually news when they don’t?

Just askin’: Are Prime Minister Tony Blair’s current troubles karma for his chumminess with that infamous American traitor Bill Clinton?

Just askin’: Wouldn’t it save a lot of time and trouble if they’d just build a trestle from Wall Street right to Cell Block A?

Just askin’: If there had been an Eleventh Commandment that said "Thou Shalt Not Tax”, would there be enough room in Hell for all the Democrats?

Just askin’: Wouldn’t the civil rights have progressed in the South more expeditiously if Rosa Parks had just plunked her butt down in the bus driver’s lap?

Just askin’: Why is it you can get narcotics on any street corner in America but you can’t get them in a hospital after you’ve had major surgery?

Just askin’: Will it be the rest of America’s turn to gulp for breath when Bill tells Hillary he only gave in to Juanita Broaddrick’s advances to protect her and Chelsea?

Just askin’: Have we got this liberal theory right? White people have got to stop committing crimes because the prisons are too crowded to incarcerate any more black people for the white people to blame their own crimes on?

Just askin’: After calling Bill Clinton a liar, a rapist, and a traitor, he has not taken exception. Where did I go wrong?

Norman Liebmann is a former Television writer (Johnny Carson, Dean Martin); he wrote and produced Chico and the Man; created the characters for The Munsters (who are all named after his relatives); worked on many great, legendary TV shows such as Baretta and the Dick Van Dyke Show; worked in feature films and theatre; and is a brilliant and insightful columnist/humorist. He received an Emmy Nomination (Bob Newhart Variety Show) and was awarded Writer of the Year (Radio TV Daily). Please visit his website ... Firehat --- a treasure trove of Clinton and Media bashing.

firehat@adelphia.net

4 posted on 07/07/2003 4:49:45 AM PDT by f.Christian (( bring it on ... crybabies // bullies - wimps - camp guards for darwin - marx - satan ))

here is a "just askin" for you. If I had a black mother and a white father, or vice versa and went to apply at the University of Michigan, would I only get 10 points instead of the full 20?

9 posted on 07/07/2003 7:22:46 PM PDT by gcruse (There is no such thing as society: there are individual men and women[.] --Margaret Thatcher)

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