Young men are running from marriage

Orlando Sentinel ^ | 07/02/2003 | Susan Reimer

[homeschool mama]

My husband and I were 30 when we married. He was/is very well adjusted and independent....and waiting for just the right lady.

[fawn796]

You are welcome to contact him. Years later, he came to me after he had had "counseling" and told me he was sorry for all he had put me through. But of course, you wouldn't believe that - because it doesn't fit your agenda.

[homeschool mama]

15 years for me, this summer. :o)

[homeschool mama]

In an emotionally charged marriage (read immature and w/o commitment), once the 'newness' wears off and the conditional love sets in there's big problems. Selfish 'love' is the worst.
p>
What a lovely example of marriage you had in your parents. :o)

[homeschool mama]

bingo

[xsmommy]

this thread is just plain SCARY! do you know that no one in my circle of friends is divorced? none of my parents friends were divorced, and none of my FRIEND's parents, while i was growing up, were ever divorced.

[homeschool mama]

freepmail shortly

[fooman]

Since you admitted your mistake, I should say the trophy phenomnon you state does have merit.

Even though I side with the on modern marriage. Men would be wise to only have kids under a palimony contract under reasonable terms-not marriage.

[fooman]

agreed.

[Wilhelm Tell]

The ones my age all seem to be out drinking and acting up...not something that interests me. Maybe that's not true of every area, but it IS frustrating.

Part of the problem is today men, and to a lesser extent women, are encouraged to have a prolonged adolesence. It is the "cool" thing to run around and have casual, very temporary relationships. This cult of "cool" permeates popular culture and cheapens everything.

More responsible men and women might be too busy working and/or pursuing an education (actually doing the work -- not "party time"), so I think it is easy to get into a rut and not meet people.

Men want sex but are taught to be afraid of intimacy.

Many women have contradictions, too -- they seem to prefer the "excitement" of a wild boy rather than the stability of a grownup man.

Men and women are taught that they can be adolescents forever if they just keep up the "cool" facade and act irresponsibly. I think homosexuality that is increasingly popularized is an extreme manifestation of this attitude. For the responsible woman there is the additional feminist trap that a career is everything and that finding a suitable man and having a family is nothing. Actually, a woman can have a career and family, too, but this requires more work than the usual "you don't need a man" mantra. Popular culture only recognizes men-women and boy-men. Men and women who act like adults are considered anathema.

There are relatively sane men and women out there but our culture makes so much "noise" it is harder for people to get together, in my opinion. I have no solution. Just do the things you like to do even if it doesn't fit in with today's fads -- why do what everyone else is doing, anyways? It is better to be rejected for being oneself than being accepted for being like someone else.

The idea that SOMEONE or SOMETHING (the next relationship, the new job, the next drink) can make one happy is an illusion. No one can MAKE anyone happy. Some things are inherently more enjoyable than others, but you can bring happiness -- or misery -- into a situation, whether it is a relationship, a job, or whatever. And it is difficult to bring goodness into a situation when you are having a bad day and don't feel like it! I would like to think that it is still possible for two people to bring their own happiness into a relationship and share it -- which is different from each unhappy person expecting the other to MAKE them happy (which is what usually happens). I think this goes against all the rules of our seemingly ruleless culture.

[xsmommy]

what are the correlative categories of men, then? or are only women considered the anti-Christ in your book? is it generally your policy to GENERALIZE?

[fawn796]

Amen. Thank you for those wise words.

[george wythe]

I don't have any agenda, except to point out that fairness demands fairness.

All my friends who have divorced were at fault as much as their spouses. It takes two to tango.

[ffusco]

Must be my really small hands ;)

I've been engaged. Broke it off a few months after my fiance decided to not attend my grandfather's wake- since she had to study for med school. Can you imagine being married to a woman like that?

[Plutarch]

"If you look at fathers in intact marriages, they are certainly doing much more than their own fathers did, in terms of child care and helping around the house and in establishing egalitarian relationships with their wives.

"But if you look in the aggregate, men are withdrawing from family life in various ways," says Popenoe...

No wonder men withdraw from family life, if it means being a mommy's helper; an egalitarian diaper changing gig with a whiny wife.

[geaux]

She wasn't better off either way; married to an adulterer, or left out to dry after years devotion to him. Also, as noted in my previous post, she started her career twenty years late, and will retire at 80 instead of 60. She lives in a small apartment. Meanwhile, the ex has a beautiful home, and is looking forward to a leisurely trek across the country in a couple of years. I'd hardly say she's had any benefit from "confiscatory alimony and common property laws."

[fawn796]

RE: your divorced friends - that is often the case. Our best friend was do blame for his divorce - and he freely admits it. The best we can do is learn from our mistakes, and go from there.

Nice talking to you - but I'm outta here (too far behind on my work)

[ffusco]

I don't have a ratio. It's a case by case situation.


And Yes to your second question.

[Protagoras]

Can you imagine being married to a woman like that?

And that was your first clue? You asked this person to marry you and never suspected she might be self absorbed?

As to the question; I can't imagine being married to anyone in the world except the finest person I ever met, my wife.

[ffusco]

That is a shame. The actions of dis-honorable men makes my blood boil.