Who is the Terrorist? (The horror that air travel in the U.S. is becoming)

The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette ^ | July 1, 2003 | Mike Masterson

[quidnunc]

A fine line exists between a uniformed agent exercising governmental authority and crossing over into willful intimidation and abuse. A friend of mine once called it putting small people in big jobs. Well, after returning from a recent trip through Terminal One of the Fort Lauderdale, Fla., airport, I have a renewed appreciation of the liberties we honor each July 4. First, count me among those who believe our airlines should be as safe and secure as possible. If that means screening baggage and asking us to step through detectors, I have no problem with either. But the Transportation Security Administration is showing signs of needlessly imposing its own brand of terrorism on our own citizens.

A niece who serves in the U.S. military had departed a day before I did. She had called to tell me to "expect the worst" when I arrived at the airport, so when I walked into the terminal the next morning, it was in shorts without a belt, a loose-fitting golf shirt and sandals.

Even my carry-on bag contained only dirty clothes and some normal traveling odds and ends. Arriving nearly two hours early, I zipped through the e-ticket line and found only two ahead of me at TSA’s screening point. Well over a dozen agents clad in white shirts with "TSA" emblazoned on their backs were milling around, seemingly searching for any way to justify their existence.

Ole Mike was about to brighten their day as he stepped front and center.

Watch, ring, sandals, wallet and cell phone go into the small plastic bin. It all disappears through the x-ray machine with my carry-on. Everything is running smoothly. Then as I am exiting through the body-scan tunnel, the alarm.

A TSA agent claims my shoulder narrowly scraped one side. I had felt nothing. "Please step over here, sir," the agent says. Another sitting behind the baggage screening device begins shouting, "Bag check."

Out go my arms. No beeps. No armed terrorist here. Another agent explains that he has to rifle through my belongings. I say fine. He dives in to his elbow and gropes until he discovers something I’d long ago forgotten — my steel butane lighter. He flicks it. The faintest hint of a blue dot appears where there should be flame. "Sir," he says politely, "you’re going to have to take this outside and empty it if you want to keep it."

I look at the lighter, remind myself it had cost about $8 and reply, "Naw, go ahead, take it. It’s not worth all the hassle."

But he insists that I keep it, even escorting me to the nearby arrival gate and demonstrating how to insert the tip of a ball-point to empty the minuscule residue of fuel.

I obediently step 10 yards outside the arrival gate where two other TSA agents are standing guard and punch the pen’s tip into the lighter for one second. The bored younger of the two guards, apparently feeling especially authoritative in his new homeland job, bellows, "Hey, you. When he said take that outside, he meant to take it all the way outside this terminal. That thing could have toxic fumes in it."

I can only smile and shake my head.

Back to the line and another examination of me and my carry-on. I walk through the tunnel again. No alarm this time, but an agent’s voice still instructs me to "Please step over here to this row of seats for a body check." Meanwhile, my bag is passing through its second exam without hassle. The agent who had insisted on saving my lighter is overseeing the second wanding. Two minutes pass as he meticulously checks every inch, including the bottom of my bare feet.

In the process, I ask him a question about which I have wondered. "Can you tell me how many American citizens have hijacked airplanes in the United States during the past 30 or 40 years?"

He stares blankly and says, "I don’t know." I tell him I can’t think of one, short of the legendary D. B. Cooper in the Pacific Northwest a half-century ago, but he parachuted into oblivion.

Finally, the agent says I am fine and can leave. I grab my bag and draw a deep breath. The question of my legitimacy is resolved.

Arriving at my departure gate an hour early, I’m alone in the rows of seats. Placing the planet’s best scrutinized piece of carry-on luggage in the seat beside me, I lean back to stare at the ceiling. Yep, it was as needlessly bad as she warned it would be, I think.

The coffee stand 50 yards away beckons. I stroll over and wait several minutes in line. Then I return to the gate to find a large German shepherd and three uniformed TSA agents standing over my now-unzipped and once again well-rifled carry-on. "Are you Mr. Masterson?" the older one, who looks like a grizzled Philadelphia cop, fires the angry question like a bullet. "Yes, I am. Is there some problem?"

He looks at the bag, then angrily back at me. "Yeah, there’s a problem. You left your bag unattended. You’ll have to get it and come with me for another inspection."

He’s right. I blundered by going for coffee and mindlessly leaving my bag in the seat. I suppose that policy hadn’t even dawned on me since the damned thing had already been twice screened and thoroughly ransacked.

As we walk, this portly agent who never smiles reaches in to snatch the ticket jacket from my now notorious bag. He opens the cover. It is empty. "So just where is your ticket, Mr. Masterson?" he scowls accusingly. By now, I’m feeling like the uniformed Gestapo with their German shepherd have set Mr. Peacefully Traveling American up like a domino. I am definitely being made to look like a terrorist or some other kind of criminal. "My ticket was in there when I came through the gate twice before," I say, my heart now somewhere near my tonsils. "I don’t know where it is. This is crazy. It has to be somewhere in my bag."

By now, I am back in the inspection line for the third time. The little bag gets another search and I get wanded for a third and then a fourth time after a second specialist agent is brought in with a wand so sensitive that the staples in my checkbook sets it to singing. He also wants to see the bottom of my feet.

Through it all, the older cop wannabee agent is staring menacingly as if it’s him against me, and I am wondering (almost out loud) just what in the name of unnecessary fear and jackbooted intimidation we are inflicting on our own citizens today.

And by the way, where the heck is the ticket that 15 minutes earlier had been safely secured in my luggage?

Finally, the second wand wielder completes his assignment and I am pronounced clean in Terminal One of the Fort Lauderdale airport for the third time. With a smirk, the older agent grabs the ticket jacket and replaces my ticket, which he has been secretly holding all along. "Let this be a lesson to you, Mr. Masterson," he says. "Someone can put something into your luggage just as easily as they can take something out." Thirty minutes later, I was feeling the weight of the 757 finally lifting away from Florida soil, headed back to civilization. Rest assured, neither this American citizen nor the carry-on bag now permanently stitched to his hip will ever return for more guilty-until-proven-innocent treatment. Should your travel plans take you through Terminal One in Fort Lauderdale, I’d advise traveling naked without a carry-on.

[quidnunc]

MineralMan wrote: ("more correctly, Bush 'caved' in a compromise with the Dems to force the security agents to be govt employees") Hello. Bush had a GOP Congress, not a Dem Congress. He didn't cave. He was behind the TSA stuff all the way.

Bush never expresses an opinion either way on this.

This bill was passed so overwhelmingly that a veto would have been over-ridden rapidly and by a wide margin.

The same situation applied to the farm bill which was enacted into law at about the same time.

[MineralMan]

"Gimme a wig a thriftstore dress and some foam prosthetics and I can be an old lady too. It's not that hard to look like somebody you're not.
"

True, and there are some nasty old ladies, too, out there. Since the security folks don't know just how nice everyone's mother-in-law _really_ is, I guess they'll have to treat everyone the same, eh?

[demsux]

I drive anywhere that takes 1 1/2 day or less.

Bad experience with the morons at Logan...

[MineralMan]

"This bill was passed so overwhelmingly that a veto would have been over-ridden rapidly and by a wide margin.

"

That's true, and it was passed by both parties, almost unanimously. I don't remember Bush fighting it, either. Not a word. You can't blame the Dems for this, no matter how lousy they are. Everyone did this TSA thing.

[spald]

I too want to know just how many Americans HAVE hijacked airplanes.

[HairOfTheDog]

I mean, many of us run across a jerk, but some people just draw them like flies.

Exactly.

[two23]

Wait till they start taking the diapers off babies to check their bottoms...FoxNewsChannel mentioned this the other day before they ran the report of all persons having to walk through "security" barefoot.
Anyone parents out there want the airport carnival workers looking at their babies bottoms??? I sure as H--ll wouldn't.

By the way...we all may want to buy stock in foot fungus cream & spray companies. In the FNC report the whole line of people were shoe and sock-less all tramping on the same floor. YUK.
We have already delcared that flying ANYWHERE is no longer an option for us.

[MineralMan]

"Well, it's not just being pulled aside. It's the wait, the security, cancelled flights, the lack of leg room, the lost/damaged luggage, the squirrely rules you have to follow to get a cheap flight, the byzantine scheduling...Flying is a pain in general. Why pay for pain?"

Hmm. Sounds like poor planning to me. The wait? Sure, you have to arrive early, but that's been smart for a long time. Me? I have a drink in the bar or a snack in one of the restaurants, read the paper and relax.

Security is a breeze, as long as you follow the rules about what you can't carry on.

I haven't had a flight cancelled on me for years, so I can't address that. Leg room isn't a problem. I book in advance, and ask for an emergency exit seat. Funny, I always get one.

Cheap flights? Again, book early, and you'll have no problem. I fly American exclusively, and book on their web site exclusively. I put in the dates, the airports, and they show me the best fares first. Takes 5 minutes.

Scheduling? I don't see a problem there, unless you're flying to Podunk International. Seems to me there are plenty of flights going where you need to go.

But, that's OK. You don't have to fly if you don't want to. There's no law forcing you to fly. I just don't have time to drive coast-to-coast both ways. I have work to do.

[Malsua]

A vendor I deal with closely had his digital camera and a tool pouch lifted from his CHECKED luggage.

My wife and I had a 10 pack of batteries stolen from our checked bag (Duracell Ultras are costly) and upon arrival in Vegas, all of our clothes had been dumped and hastily stuffed back into the bag in wads. Thankfully the room had an Iron and Ironing board.

My rules as I travel frequently.

1. Wear no belt.
2. Put all valuables, like Camera, GPS, and the batteries in your checked bag.
3. Put keys, watch, spare change, smokes/lighter and cellphone in checked bag before entering security area.
4. Wear sneakers, pack your workshoes or boots. Every time I wear my New Balance sneakers, I don't have to take them off.
5. Have ticket and passport in hand thru the screening process.
6. Do no put locks on bags, they will be cut off.
7. Make sure any battery operated item has good batteries in it. I've had to demonstrate every electronic item I've had at one point or another.
8. Be kind, be courteous and follow direction. Do not mention bombs, explosives, weapons, terrorists or any such thing. Keep your yap shut.
9. Oh and they break the file off of nail clippers. They made me open my carry-on for a rifling thru and without a beat, he opened the clippers, and snapped it off. I had a zillion things I wanted to say to this douchebag, but I just acted like I didn't care. He even looked at me while he did it. I suspect to get a rise out of me.

I'm going to Mainland China at the end of July. I'm curious as to how the Chinese will treat me this trip. Should be interesting.

[MineralMan]

"I too want to know just how many Americans HAVE hijacked airplanes."

Hijackings are really, really rare events, but US Citizens have hijacked planes. One happened right here in CA a few years ago. A disgruntled airline employee hijacked a commuter plane, killed the cockpit crew and crashed the plane, killing everyone on board. You don't remember that happening?

The last hijacking in the US was 9/11. None since then.

[Alberta's Child]

The TSA has nothing to do with improving airline security, or with adding a bunch of morons to the Federal payroll to generate Democratic votes. It was simply a means of protecting the airline industry from lawsuits by having the Federal government assume responsibility for airline security.

[Malsua]

>>2. Put all valuables, like Camera, GPS, and the batteries in your checked bag.
3. Put keys, watch, spare change, smokes/lighter and cellphone in checked bag before entering security area. <<

Urk, I meant carry-on

[MineralMan]

"I fly at least twice as much as if for nothing else, not having to fight my way through 500 relatives at the gate is worth the hassle of the new security.
"

Good point! I used to hate deplaning, for just that reason. It seemed like all the reunions just _had_ to take place 6 feet from the exit door. Sheesh!

[quidnunc]

Two23 wrote: Wait till they start taking the diapers off babies to check their bottoms...FoxNewsChannel mentioned this the other day before they ran the report of all persons having to walk through "security" barefoot. Anyone parents out there want the airport carnival workers looking at their babies bottoms??? I sure as H--ll wouldn't.

My neighbor's daughter-in-law is of Irish descent, red-headed and light complected.

A few months ago she and her husband were flying to Florida with their five mubth-old baby.

Even though they didn't set of the alarm, security took her and the baby aside for body searches during which hey made her remove the baby's diaper.

[NittanyLion]

One other lesson: avoid air travel if humanly possible. I used to enjoy business travel; now I'll drive anything under 8 hours. The hassle just isn't worth it to me.

[LibWhacker]

Are you sure about that? The 9/11 hijackers didn't dress like this on their last mission, but Richard Reid looked like he had just stepped out of Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves.

[Alberta's Child]

When I travel for business, I drive to any destination that I can get to within a day (about 18 hours for me).

When I travel for pleasure, I drive to any destination that has any kind of road going to it from my house.

[spald]

I just ran a Google on 'hijacked +commuter' and got no reference to a California hijacking. If one has happened, perhaps you could provide a link to the story/

Oddly, a casual inspection of the google output (from above) shows scads of hijacked commuter buses and commuter trains.