Three Reasons to Pause Before Taking Your Husband's Name

The Wall Street Journal ^ | Thursday, June 26, 2003 | TERRI CULLEN

[presidio9]

Like the first time you hear your new husband call you "my wife," or the first time someone refers to you as "Mrs.," signing your newly acquired married name is something some women look forward to their entire lives.

But there can be drawbacks to adopting your husband's last name, particularly if your hubby-to-be comes to the marriage laden with some unfortunate financial or legal baggage. As women enter marriages later in their lives, often with more established careers and greater assets, they are facing far more complicated financial choices than their moms and grandmoms. The decision to take your husband's name -- once a given -- is one of them.

[plusone]

Mt favorite is when the couple takes together the compound name (eg Smith-Jones) and give it to their kids. So now the kids have the compound name as well. Great. So when they get married, they could end up with 3 or 4 hyphenated names, eg Smith-Jones-Clark-Brown. On and on, each generation adding more hyphens. Just nuts...

[Tall_Texan]

Last but not least are the women who P. Whip their husbands into taking the WOMEN's last name. This is the most pathetic.

I personally wouldn't object to a man taking his wife's name. Anyone who gets tired of being asked how to spell Kcazinsky or Soulamliathan could relate. Sometimes, it's just a matter of convenience although usually the husband's parents have a problem with the idea.

[LizardQueen]

It is the one who wants to sorta marry her husband and keep her name because SHE wants it

In addition to the professional reasons, one of the other reasons I kept my name was this: My family is very small. My father has only girls, and my uncle had 1 boy and 1 girl. My sister took her husband's name and her kids have that one.

At the time I got married my only male cousin (the only one with that name that could carry it on) wasn't looking like he'd have kids. It was looking like our name would be dead after my generation, so I decided to keep mine just to have it around that little bit longer. Foolishly sentimental? Probably. But that's me. It had nothing to do with love or -non-love for my husband, just a love for my family and sadness that the name was toast.

My male cousin then went on to have 3 boys, so it ended up a non-issue :::lol:::.

LQ

[Dead Dog]

No, but I'm perfectly OK with her deciding how to spend the balance of our incomes. I'm OK with her raising our kids Catholic, even though I'm not. We are equal, not same. The loss of independence is a two way street.


I'm getting married Saturday, btw, and she will keep her last name as her middle.

[LizardQueen]

Good luck. And watch how you toss around the "selfish" word - people have motivations for doing things that you don't always know the story behind.

LQ

[Xenalyte]

"Mrs. Terri Cullen"

It's my understanding that only widows use their Christian names and their husband's last name with Mrs.

Married women are either Terri Cullen or Mrs. Gerald Cullen.

But then, I'm extremely old-fashioned about this kind of thing.

[plusone]

"I agree with you, idiots" I am glad you put that comma in there :)

[Xenalyte]

I have a few friends who married during 2002, and they all chose to keep their maiden names until year-end, when their company did the tax/insurance paperwork round. They all opted for Hubby's name at that point, citing "too much hassle" as a reason not to do it earlier.

Having worked for said company myself, I see their point.

But then, I'll be anxious to take Xena's Guy's last name. It's half the length of mine, and eminently more pronounceable.

[cubreporter]

I could never understand all this not wanting to take your husband's last name. So, they don't take his last name but they keep their maiden name which is their FATHER'S name, so it is still a MAN'S name? Is that what it is all about? Not taking a man's name? If so, they are dupes because the names down the line are ALL the man's names!

[Xenalyte]

Sheila Jackass Leech.

[Dead Dog]

...SO now she will have a silly sounding name, but at least she will have a name that links her to a family and her children. THAT is really what is at issue.

If you don't take the family name, and if you insist on not having joint bank accounts....why even get married.

[Xenalyte]

It seems like almost every woman I've met lately that is divorced and has not gotten married again has chosen to keep their ex-husbands last name.

Divorcees are supposed to do that - but no one does the other step, which is to make one's maiden name the new first name.

Jane Smith, who married John Rogers, would be Mrs. Smith Rogers. Properly speaking, of course - and I have yet to meet one woman who does it.

Ah, for the good old days . . .

[ladyjane]

you love your husband but you will not take his name. Women are so interested in themselves.

LOL. Your comment is so funny. A woman is selfish because she won't take HIS name? Would it be more selfish to insist that he take HER name?

[FortWorthPatriot]

Farrah Fawcett Majors
Sally Jessy Raphael
Mary Tyler Moore

[Dead Dog]

I should have stated it as "a public statement, that gives the perception of selfishness".

People have reasons for almost everything they do, doesn't mean it is a good reason.

One of my best friends insisted on keeping her first name. She had her reasons, all based on Feminist diatribe and not professional, but now she is in her late 20s with a family and has outgrown her BS colege re-education. Her name no-longer fits her values.

[labowski]

I can understand keeping the ex's last name if they have children, but most of the ones I've met don't have any children. It's a psychological thing I guess. My friends ex wife still has his last name and he is remarried with children.