Please see rule #1."
ROTFL! I asked for that. Happy to oblige. 
Posted on 06/06/2003 7:55:04 PM PDT by JoeSixPack1
OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!
The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
Rules for Women to Live By
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
Please see rule #1."
ROTFL! I asked for that. Happy to oblige.
I think you will enjoy this brush with history.
Besides... It's aganst the envarmint ta thro 'em in the burn barrel evun on a goverment aproved bern day cause you'll bern ruber an the nayburs will start yellin "Holy Shorts, hoo's burnin they're briefs?" (envarmint lowyers, ya no)(they gots "Shiffer Branes" sindrome!)
I have absolutely no idea. On those rare occasions when I'm bored and have to stay indoors, I'll read a history book. I'd pay cash to avoid having to watch a soap opera--and I'm a woman.
In the context of this discussion, "soap opera guy" is meant to suggest someone who is passionate, sensitive, and manly, which is a bit different from the shaved-chest, shaped-eyebrow guys on a soap opera. I suspect most of those soap opera actors would be terrified of my power tools and guns. Real woman want real men, not hairless actors.
The feeling of freedom reigns in our house.
Oh, OK, but only one of the incidents he doesn't remember...
You're older???? You look TERRIFIC!
You're OUTTA HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Just kiddin')
<|:-)~~
I wonder if this will actually cook it? Dunno. Never used the darn thing before. Either smoked turkey for dinner, or pizza.
Think I'll have a beer.
0735 - Retrieve turkey from front yard. Marvel at concept of morter tube. Baste turkey, repace on grill.
(LOL) This is how guys operate...
You don't really want an answer to that, do you? < /grin>
Loaded question!!! Men are wise to these traps.LOL!:-)
On the serious side, some ladies do not have the time or inclination to take care or long hair. My wife is in that category. She hates to spend much time messing with it, but I do find(as most men do) long hair to be sensual on a woman and detest it on a man.
Mrs. Wirestripper knows about this as well. She switches the paper around to aggravate me.
I fixed it so that you need a screwdriver or knife do move the paper from over to under. It seems to have eliminated the problem.
I refuse to answer on the grounds I may incriminate myself...or get brained by a 2X4.
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