LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

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[JoeSixPack1]

OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Rules for Women to Live By

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[stands2reason]

What are your thoughts on Martha Stewart?

I can "do" her voice perfectly.

[stands2reason]

I can't believe any man ever slept with Marilyn Monroe....

[Lady Eileen]

There are many women who are told that they need to have their hair cut to look their 'age'. Hence the birth of many the matronly "Helmet" hair you see on too many women today. Gotta look like an adult, ya know ;)

I fell for it for a while, but my hair is half way down my back and will stay there until I die or it falls out on its own.

I fell for the gotta look 'age appropriate' also. Gotta look professional...it's for the career after all.

For those who love beautiful long hair and want practical advice for maintaining healthy long hair click on:

www.longhairlovers.com

[Light Speed]

Frump!...He didn't phone me last night...

"I gotta go guys...ya I'll be fine..she doesn't mind..[Inner thought...I am so dead!]

[stands2reason]

Either Judge Dredd or Demolition Man---I get 'em mixed up....

[maxwell]

I have NO excuse for why I put the t-paper on with the paper "under"......but, that's the way I like it. I never heard the "rule" about which way it should go.

No no NO, dudette! It is much more time-efficient to install the roll with the paper oriented OVER.

I am a big fan of efficiency. Which is why I store things on the middle of the floor. Very efficient system, actually; whenever I need something I just remember what day I brought it home and venture forth an appropriate distance into the phase space that can actually be accessed. Like that 40 of Thunderbird I got six days ago, so it should be within a perimeter of 10*exp(-6/7) meters of the front door. (Which means that it could be in the fridge or in the washing machine... Well okay the system ain't flawless...)

[stands2reason]

You got it!

[Mr Rogers]

For the record - not ALL women look good in long hair. My wife looks good with short hair, but her hair is too thin to look good long (also gets tangled in my watch, but that was negotiable). I've seen a number of women who must THINK they look good with long, straggly hair - UHG! And I've seen several old women who think long, straggly gray hair is good - double UHG!!

OTOH, my oldest daughter can easily keep her hair waist length - and did so until she joined the Marines. I'm not sure if I can ever forgive the USMC for that. My youngest daughter also can keep her hair long. At 5, she's now planning on joining the Marines, but her older sister says one Marine in the family is plenty. Unless the Marines change boot camp (not likely!), I agree.

[sweet virginia]

One of my best friend's and a former boss, has long red hair, dresses very business appropriate but very femme at the same time. She is an administrator for a local company. She took so much heat for having long hair and wearing great fitting dresses from all the other women in the office. Her sense of style is very good and it looks great on her.I was her Girl Friday and pretty much fell in line with her style. I admire her greatly, she has been with this company for almost 30 years and still has long red hair!! She is smart as a whip too! I like the Long Hair website. I try to let my hair dry naturally as much as I can, to avoid overdrying. Lots of conditioner too.

[Allegra]

I have NO excuse for why I put the t-paper on with the paper "under"......but, that's the way I like it. I never heard the "rule" about which way it should go.

No no NO, dudette! It is much more time-efficient to install the roll with the paper oriented OVER.

Uh oh... this debate. I've seen arguments on this subject get more heated than a group of FReepers and ANSWER Commies having a discussion prior to Operation Iraqi Freedom.

[cake_crumb]

LOL...thanks for the link. I shouldn't be surprised a site for long haired women of all ages exists....

I fell for the professional look too...until I had the hair lopped off...which is when I went on the quest for the French braid. Great invention, that. Wherever it really came from. I gives you the sleek, power profile, without losing the individuality, femininity or freedom, and MUCH better than the stereotypical, librarian bun.

[Stop Legal Plunder]

Women are told they look better with chopped off hair when they get married or work out of the home because ugly feminazis--some of whom edit the so-called women's magazines that promote the shorn look--abhor beautiful, feminine women.

The more beautiful, graceful, and elegant a woman is the more her very existence is a rebuke to the butch man-haters, who insist that women can succeed in life only by acting like men.

[Revolting cat!]

If I may add another numer uno rule for the ladies:

1. Take it like a man!

[null and void]

OK. Next time I'm in texas, or you are in Silicon Valley...

[JoeSixPack1]

1. Take it like a man!

Last time I said that I wound up doing my best Jackie Chan impression dodging kicks to the groin. It wasn't pretty! :-)

[BSunday]

HA! Typical Woman! LOL ;)

[austinTparty]

I was trying for.... understatement? ;o)

[Arpege92]

Fluffy toilet seat covers are something I can do without, only if you guys promise to hit the target!!

[SierraWasp]

Why do ya think this here agitator brung it up? In order ta git sumbudy's goat... Ya gotta furst find out wer thay tide the dang thang!!!

Goodnessakes, goodnesswins, that there farmerfriend person new just who ta ping to this hear thred, right?

Now git in there an turn that T.P. right-side-up!!!

[SierraWasp]

Wich jus goes ta show ya... efishuncy an efectivness ain't uv eecwull impotance, rite?

My wife thinks I shud thow away perfecly gud breefs wen thay git moor than tew leg holes in 'em. That jus goes ta show ya... wimmun ain't as smart at math an siunce, rite?