LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

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[JoeSixPack1]

OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Rules for Women to Live By

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[JoeSixPack1]

Judge Dred

[ChefKeith]

We Have Your Duvel Here!

Where are You at?

[Gabrielle Reilly]

>>>>Well, then I'm "rooting" for the Aussie female volley ball team!! :-)


Just call me "Randy"! :-)>>>>>

LOL

[Go Gordon]

Relax, I was just funnin' with ya.

[Sloth]

Demolition Man?

[JoeSixPack1]

That's it!

[Wiser now]

Very few women past the age of 50 look good with long hair. Shorter is more flattering. I recently got my long hair cut, and the reaction of a male friend was "Wow! I have to say "Hello" to _______young new wife! She looks 10 years younger." I'm not growing my hair back any time soon.

[cake_crumb]

"Judge Dred"

Wait...it was Demolition Man...thought to Google it after reading your post. Thank you....

From Amazon:

Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com
Searching for new directions, Sylvester Stallone starred in this farcical, 1993 SF piece about an ex-cop (Stallone) freed from 36 years of forced hibernation to help catch a criminal (Wesley Snipes) who released himself from a similar incarceration. The futuristic story finds Los Angeles a sea of Taco Bells and enforced peace, and within that satiric overview Stallone's character becomes a gun-toting fish out of water. The film plays like a live-action cartoon, and while there is nothing particularly wrong with that, Demolition Man is a rather flat experience. The irony of a peaceable society that both requires and despises its bloody saviors has been captured far more profoundly in movies like Dirty Harry. Sandra Bullock costars. The DVD release has optional full-screen and widescreen presentations, production notes, theatrical trailer, Dolby sound, optional Spanish soundtrack, and optional French and Spanish subtitles. --Tom Keogh--This text refers to the VHS Tape edition.

ROFLOL...also just ordered.

[null and void]

FOFLOL!! (**huggs**) You deserve it, even if you're lying through your teeth and are 6' tall and weigh 100 lbs in real life!

LisaAnne/swervie, defend my reputation here...

[null and void]

(**very shortly, I'm gonna have a teething, grouchy grandson for the night, and need to glean all the humor and relaxation I can**)

Child rearing just isn't the same since they outlawed Laudanum...

[null and void]

Negro Modela

MY SOULMATE!!!! Where have you been all this time?!?!

[Dan from Michigan]

DEMOLITION MAN! One of my favorites. Denis Leary steals the show there.

[cake_crumb]

"Demolition Man?"

That's the one, thanks.

Martha Stewart's 'home decorations' remind me of the Demolition Man'.

[cake_crumb]

Nice screenshot!

[Dan from Michigan]

Be sure if you never go to Australia and say you are "rooting" for your team. That would mean you are having sex with the whole team. LOL Or "randy" means your sexually excited.

I don't know if Australia is the same as England. In England, to "bum a fag" means asking for a ciggarette. In San Francisco, he may get a lot more than he bargained for.

[null and void]

I love my husband.

*nevermind*

[null and void]

I'm open to friendship, over an ocassional beer...

[cake_crumb]

"LisaAnne/swervie, defend my reputation here..."

FOFLOL...no one's reputation is ever besmirched by a HUGGGGG from the cakester (beware cheap knockoffs)

[Dan from Michigan]

"Where are the G'Damn guns!"

"You are fined one credit for violating the verbal morality statue"

"What? F-you!"

[null and void]

I'm not worthy to walk in your rather large shadow...

Why not? My kids do it all the time...