LADIES - Learn The RULES!!!!!!

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[JoeSixPack1]

OK LADIES - LEARN THE RULES!!!!!!

The Rules developed by National Fairness to Men Organization. This time like the "United States Constitution" these rules are developed by Men. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules for all women to live by! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

Rules for Women to Live By

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be!

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do! Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. ALL men see only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

[farmfriend]

But what I don't git is why mine insists on putting the replacement roll on the roll holder with the dang paper slung underneath, instead of over the top, like it should be!!!

That would bug me as well. I solve the problem by sitting the role loosely on the holder. Pick it up and tear off what you want.

[JoeSixPack1]

10. If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.

ding ding ding,, we have a winner!!!!!!!

[JoeSixPack1]

Forgot 1 the marking the trees thingy.

that would be writing your name in the snow. The tree thingy is still a four legged honor. :-)

[Capriole]

I love this and don't have a problem with any of it. But what if we basically look like and act like and dress like a Victoria's Secret girl and he STILL won't act like a soap opera guy?

[38special]

Making a Deposit...something else you can do at the bank.

[oceanperch]

Oh really? (sarcasm)

[BJungNan]

I started to copy the one or two that I liked but found some many to be so good...Great job!

[honeygrl]

"1. Check your oil! Please. "

Not my job.

"1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. "

And yet, you still forget when we do all that.

"1. Crying is blackmail. "

It works damn good too.

"1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!"

We do it for you. It's only fair you do it for us. Otherwise, don't complain when you are left with only a dog who doesn't care about birthdays, v-day, and anniversaries and a porno mag :)

[honeygrl]

ping! lullabelle, watch Flurry's reaction and if he agrees with all these you can get mad at him and maybe some make-up flowers out of it. :-p

[bootless]

Problem solved - everyone puts BOTH seats down.

[ladyinred]

ROTFL! This is so funny!
The amazing thing is how very much alike all men are, and I suppose by the same token, all women. I bet we all recognize ourselves in these little diddies!

[honeygrl]

"Long hair and earrings had to go with the babies. "

I've finally grown my hair long after years of nagging by my hubby. Sooo since he got his way, I've got mine too and have now dyed it blonde with purple (crayon purple) highlights. My toddler loves it. And my hubby really thought he'd won when I let it grow out. GOTCHA! We always win.

[ladyinred]

For those who are upset, of course there are varients. But don't you see the common thread in all of these, its WOMEN have to communicate CLEARLY. No games.

Ah gee whiz, that takes all of the fun out of it! :-)

[BradyLS]

I love this and don't have a problem with any of it. But what if we basically look like and act like and dress like a Victoria's Secret girl and he STILL won't act like a soap opera guy?

I'd lik to see a picture of "basically" first! :-l

[ladyinred]

Why would you do your business in the dark? What if the seat is down and you go in there in the dark and, at that moment, there is a spider on the seat?

Oh thanks Paul, you have given me something more to worry about! :-)

[ladyinred]

I don't know how to change the oil, and I don't want to know how. And for men who want women to be feminine, I don't understand why they would want us to! That isn't very girlie is it? And besides, we might get that yukky stuff all over our long hair! :-)

[ILBBACH]

I like Jimmy Kimmel, but The Man Show sucks ass!!!

[ladyinred]

Yeah, but he was trying to get to India and didn't even come close, did he?

BRAVO!!!!!

[Lurker]

"My philosophy has always been that when it comes to ogling women, you may always use three of your five senses. But no touching or tasting, okay?"

Where I come from, 3 out of 5 ain't bad.

Regards,

L