Challenged Columnist Spends Tax Rebate

The Northampton Gazette ^ | May 21, 2003 | Bruce Watson

[dilpo]

UNDER the current administration, nothing is certain except death and tax cuts. Now another tax cut is looming, and I'm all for it because after all, it's your money.

When I got my $600 check from the last tax cut, I was grateful that you, the people, had given me more of your money. You could have spent that money collectively on schools, highways, health care, etc., but as patriotic individuals, you elected leaders who gave that money to me so I could blow it on the good things in life - more things, bigger things, digital things, things I saw advertised and just had to have.

And why not? Spending all your money, spending more money than you have, spending it all on yourself, spending away your future, your country, your children's inheritance - it's the American way.

But I decided not to waste my $600 on the usual things. Instead, I used my rebate patriotically to prove how tax cuts contribute to the common good.

First, I built a highway. True, it was a short highway, about 6 inches long, but as a patriotic individual, I couldn't afford more. So now I have a 6-inch strip of asphalt in my front yard. It doesn't go anywhere. I can't drive on it. But if each American built his own 6-inch highway, think what an interstate system we'd have. And once this forthcoming tax cut hits, our richest fellow citizens will build even longer highways - 100, 200, 500 yards - leading from our potholed streets straight to their plush estates. Talk about sharing the wealth!

Next I opened my own public school. I couldn't afford a full school but I did my best. Classes meet Monday morning from 8:45 to 8:47 a.m. My school has no building, no books, no desks, just a teacher - me - earning the $135 I could afford to pay myself. I'm trying to qualify for school vouchers, but in the meantime, my school and millions of other two-minute schools started by other patriotic individuals will teach our kids the value of citizenship. My motto is e pluribus pluribus - out of many, many.

With schools and roads taken care of, I turned to defense. Like the feds, I budgeted a quarter of my revenue on this crucial component of a free society. You can't create much shock and awe for $150 but I got plenty of bang for my buck. At an army surplus store, I bought a used wing nut from an M-1 tank. Then I bought a flak jacket so the world will know that like my president, I can beat up any terrorist on the block.

With basic needs cared for, it was time to clean up the environment. I couldn't afford much - no toxic superfund cleanup of our shed - but I paid a neighbor's kid $15 to take some old paint cans to the dump. Job creation! Then I bought several cases of bottled water and a gas mask. If every American cleaned up his own little environment, we could close down that troublesome EPA.

Finally, I saved enough of my tax rebate to fund a great health care plan that kept me stocked with Band-Aids and aspirin for a full six months. I tossed my last quarter to a homeless guy on the street - my welfare program - and my own private government came in on budget, unlike some governments I know.

But wait, I hear some say, What about housing? Urban renewal? Transportation? Higher education? All those things that make a society? Sorry, no room in my budget for class warfare.

Since I'm not in the top 1 percent of income earners, I'll only get crumbs from this new tax cut, so the only certainty I have left is death. I'm ready for that, too. My own private government - of me, by me, for me - has left a part of me already dead.

[dilpo]

So why didn't he just give it back if he thinks the government spends his money more wisely than he does? Actually in his case the government probably does. This guy is becoming one of my favorite columnists. He gives new meaning to the word "vacuous".

[dighton]

[big bad easter bunny]

He did not have to cash it! Plus why not just say you got $600 out of the billions and billions the governemnt either wastes or can't account for(I know same thing).

[BrooklynGOP]

When I got my $600 check from the last tax cut, I was grateful that you, the people, had given me more of your money.

He doesn't pay taxes?

[VRWCmember]

Here's what I would say to Brucie: "Give me my $600 back you stupid idiot. If it's not your money, if it's mine in the first place then I want it back instead of letting you have some of my money." I didn't realize that he paid his taxes with my money. Maybe he can pay some of MY taxes with his money so I won't have to. The guy is just a complete idiot.

[Dr.Deth]

He can feel free to send it all back, but he should consider setting aside $.60 for a comb.

That said, what a whiny collectivist putz.

[Big Mack]

This nut is the true meaning of "Stupid is as stupid does."

[SouthParkRepublican]

This cat should have made a budget allocation for rehab. Wonder what life is like on his home planet.

[ChadsDad]

Why is almost every article on FR today (lately) written by a conservative bashing liberal smarta$$ ? That's not what I come here to find.... I can turn on the tube for that crap....

[facedown]

My own private government - of me, by me, for me - has left a part of me already dead.

Yes, your brain.

[EllaMinnow]

He needs to buy some lips.

[TheErnFormerlyKnownAsBig]

He should have went halves on Kevorkian's suicide machine with that Jayson Blair fella.

[Arkie2]

you, the people, had given me more of your money. You could have spent that money collectively on schools, highways, health care, etc., but as patriotic individuals, you elected leaders who gave that money to me so I could blow it on the good things in life - more things, bigger things, digital things, things I saw advertised and just had to have.

Talk about standing truth on its head! Of course liberals have always thought all money belonged to the government so his attitude that the money was given to him versus the government let him keep a little more of the money he "earned" is understandable in a twisted sick liberal kind of Alice in Wonderland logic.

[wjcsux]

Why is almost every article on FR today (lately) written by a conservative bashing liberal smarta$$ ?
I believe it is because most of us are sick and tired of these arrogant leftist idiots who think they are much more enlightened than the rest of us. Besides, bashing leftists is such fun!

[Frankss]

Get a haircut, where I go it's 9 dollars.

[freeper12]

>>Plus why not just say you got $600 out of the billions and billions the governemnt either wastes or can't account for

The problem is sending him the $600 didn't reduce the amount the government spent or wasted...without spending cuts there can be no real tax relief...only tax deferrals. He, like everybody else, is gonna pay it back with interest. Consider it a loan from Uncle Sam.

[jpl]

He should have spent his refund on a hairbrush and some books on how to improve one's attitude.

[KEVLAR]

You hit the nail on the head - sick and tired - however, I have been firing off quite a few emails to editors and leftist idiots as a result of all I have read. I hope they all get a good stern freeping.

[Sentis]

I have a friend who didnt work all year last year and got 400 back under that vile Earned income credit.

[wjcsux]

I hope they all get a good stern freeping.
Good job! I do the same, every opportunity I get! Keep smacking them!