I think about this for several different reasons. My brother and his girlfriend (now wife) got pregnant when they were 17. I know he loves his son, but I also know he will regret his choices from now until he dies (because he told me so).
I also watched many of my peers as they went off to college. Most girls made it their life's work to lose their virginity the second they hit campus. The frenzy of promiscuity was striking-- all these "good girls" competing with each other on who could be the biggest slut.
So, what will I do differently?
#1 I won't trust my kids. This was a value that I think is highly over-rated (and most kids will admit that they are able to get away with so much because their parents "trust" them).
They won't have cell phones, beepers, private e-mail, unfiltred access to the Internet until they leave home. They won't have locks on their bedroom doors. They won't be allowed to make or receive phone calls not in a common or family room.
My husband and I firmly agree that the most poisonous aspect of today's teen life is over-reliance on peer groups. We won't allow it. No hanging out at the mall, no sleep overs, no disappearing for hours at someone else's house.
All of this is predicated on the fact that we will be homeschooling and, of course, forgoing daycare in favor of *gasp* me staying home.
The behavior of todays teens is rooted in the fact that they are put in day-care from the time that they are infants, then sent to school, where they are encouraged to embrace a large number of after-school and extra-curricular activities. Most children are not raised by their parents-- they are raised by their friends and by television. As a result, their sexual behavior most resembles that of primitives instead of cultured citizens.
What I have outlined is extreme, but I don't think that you can break the strangle-hold that the American system of child-rearing has on people by anything less. You have to fight it vigorously, not in half measures. I think that there is plenty of evidence that there is no way that you can influence your children and teens once they have been weaned from you onto their peer group, so you must fight it from the very beginning.
It is always a dilemma: do you better equip your children to deal with a hostile world by sheltering them from it and its effects, or by carefully exposing them to it, with explanation and caring, so that they learn to navigate within its currents without losing their course?
In our childrearing (kids now 18 and 15) we've steered a middle course, picking and choosing what to shelter them from and what not to with some care. If we have erred, it is on the side of exposure, but so far the results have been good. I know kids whose parents have been extremely strict, though not as strict as you describe, who ran away or otherwise threw over the traces as soon as they could. I've also known kids who got in trouble because their parents were indifferent. So, I think the key is vigilance, but not turning your self into a prison warder for your kids.
I see nothing extreme about loving your children, as you undoubtedly do.