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This is just a great thread!

I'm married, I'm overweight (and working on it), and we have 2 kids, planning for 2-3 more... and I just can't stand the way a lot of women manipulate with sex, and the withholding of it! To me, quite often it boils down to selfishness. I'm lucky to be married to a guy who keeps pace with me in the "marital arts".

Should he refuse sex altogether, for long periods of time, that would definitely have a negative effect on our marriage. I didn't marry to be celibate. After all, "Marriage makes a sacrament what you'd otherwise have to confess." "Can't" is definitely not in the same ballpark as "Won't", so making comparisons to staying happily married after medical tragedies, and just not giving it up, isn't even apples to oranges.

He helps out in the kitchen because he wants to (and, we have a small kitchen. Lots of inadvertent bumping, flirting, etc can happen). He helps out with the kids because he loves them. "Chores" are totally unrelated to sex--or at least, they should be!!

For "Delbert"--unfortunately, there's no nice way to bring up the problem. But it IS a problem. So, how's about:

Scheduling some family activities that involve Activity. Hikes (with no picnic), playing at the beach, walking to the park and holding hands, etc. All of this can be couched in good terms: "Dear wife, I really want to spend some time with all of us together. I can't think of anything nicer than strolling along with you and my daughter, holding hands." (But, make a habit of that companionship every evening, all summer, and the wife will be more active come fall!)

Ask for her help, by not buying the junk food. If it's not in the house, it's a lot harder to eat it. We don't even go down the ice cream isle, but spend a lot of time in the produce section. Low Carb is definitely AWESOME. (And, what guy is going to turn down red meat a couple of times a week? Everyone benefits!)

Being fat isn't fun. She knows she's fat. She's probably hating herself for it. It feels futile to try anything, because she'll still feel fat in the morning. It takes awhile to get to the point where we can recognize our own failing (laziness is a big one). You're doing great being patient! Keep doing it, but add some action in there, too. I'm lucky to have a patient fellow, who knows how great I CAN look, and what I'm shooting for. He's also realistic about my weight going up and down while we're having kids... and is okay with it.

Now, the "self-limiting intelligence" comments from Reeses.... I won't even address those. Cannon fodder, babe.

I shared the doggy style joke with my non-interested SIL... she insisted I email them to her hubby so he could giggle, too.

"Scheduling some family activities that involve Activity. Hikes (with no picnic), playing at the beach, walking to the park and holding hands, etc. All of this can be couched in good terms: "Dear wife, I really want to spend some time with all of us together. I can't think of anything nicer than strolling along with you and my daughter, holding hands." (But, make a habit of that companionship every evening, all summer, and the wife will be more active come fall!)"

Your entire post is GREAT. The refusal of sex altogether indicates a problem. I can't stand manipulative people at all, whether it's a man or woman withholding sex or using some other manipulative tactic to get their way. It's emotionally immature, causes pain and suffering to those around them, and the manipulative individual doesn't seem to care.

My hubby helps me in the kitchen sometimes too. He even cooks occasionally. He's an excellent cook, though he doesn't do it often. Which is fine by me. He's sitting on the coush, reading a newspaper right now...he asked me if I wanted to watch a movie...after being on this thread and reading these posts, I think I will go cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. Infortunately, that's all he's gonna get because it's that time of the month.

Those are absolutely great suggestions. Have you tried any of these Delbert? You said she was in great shape before, so there must be physical activities that SHE enjoys....?

Camping (with a TENT and and lots of hiking) is another one. Fishing which requires hiking in and out...if she's into that sort of thing. I am, so I'm prejudiced. I also hike all over looking for various herbs and fossils. Hubby joins me, not that he needs the exercise - I do, though. He just enjoys it, so we have that in common. Hey, how about gardening? Is she into that? Weeding burns something like 400 calories an hour. I forget where I read that, but I'm sure there's info about it on the web.