Posted on 05/11/2003 8:10:05 PM PDT by Mihalis
Mother's Day a letdown: study Dads expect, get less
Chris Lackner National Post
Saturday, May 10, 2003 ADVERTISEMENT
Most mothers report feeling disappointment on Mother's Day, despite receiving more attention than fathers do on Father's Day, a new study has found.
"Mothers have higher expectations of how the day should go," said Nicole Gilbert, the author of a study that compares the two holidays and a graduate student at Mount Holyoke College, Mass. "Fathers don't have expectations and are less likely to be disappointed."
Ms. Gilbert said mothers' high expectations are likely the result of all the advertising and media attention devoted to the day.
But according to the 53 married couples she interviewed for the study, mothers reported feeling unhappy on their day because of such disappointments as lacklustre gifts, family strife and whiny children.
She also found even those couples who expressed egalitarian ideas on gender roles in marriage embraced traditional stereotypes when it came to their celebrations.
"There's a difference in belief and [action]," she said.
Fathers, for example, are less likely to be taken out for dinner, perhaps because of their traditional role as providers, Ms. Gilbert said. Mothers are more likely to visit extended family members on their day.
Mother's Day celebrations emphasize nurturing female stereotypes, Ms. Gilbert said. Gifts are typically flowers, taking mothers out to dinner and relieving them of household chores for the day.
Fathers' gifts are usually related to employment and athletic pursuits -- for example, a tie, golf clubs or hunting equipment.
Sixty-two per cent of mothers said their holiday includes doing fewer of the family chores, while only 29% of fathers reported that. And almost 85% of mothers reported being taken out for dinner as opposed to 64% of fathers.
Linda Marlow, greeting card director for Hallmark Canada, agreed holiday cards also reflect gender differences. Father's Day cards tend to be more humourous and focus on cars, sports, tools and fishing, while Mother's Day cards tend to be serious and emotional, she said.
Hallmark Canada registered $8-million in Mother's Day sales in 2002, as opposed to $7-million for Father's Day.
People celebrate these holidays because of commercial messages and obligation, as opposed to genuine reflection on what a parent means to them, said Alan Mirabelli, executive director of The Vanier Institute of the Family.
Mr. Mirabelli said he was not surprised at the greater emphasis and expectation placed on Mother's Day. "We've always celebrated and discussed the nurturing role of the mother -- the father was often an afterthought. The intimate side of fathering is often missing from our discourse."
Parent-based holidays tend to reaffirm stereotypes more than any other, Ms. Gilbert said. During her research, the test group's Father's and Mother's Day gifts were evaluated on a scale of masculinity and femininity. Gifts from other such holidays as birthdays were also presented, and found to be much more gender neutral.
"I'm not advocating an abolition of Mother's and Father's Day," she said, adding she hopes her research opens people's eyes to stereotypes that may often go unnoticed and moves people to think beyond traditional gifts and holiday-related events.
"These holidays offered us a prime opportunity to see how families construct gender."
MOTHER'S DAY BY THE NUMBERS:
A new study says Mother's Day and Father's Day are very different in terms of gifts, events and family rituals. Traditionally, we tend to show more love to our mothers -- more money is spent on their gifts and more time is put into their holiday celebration. The following is a study in contrast between the two holidays that honour our parents, as well as a look at expected Canadian purchases for Mother's Day 2003. 65 Percentage of Mother's Day shoppers who will buy cards, according to the International Mass Retail Association
- 35 Percentage of Father's Day shoppers who will buy cards
- 53 Percentage of Mother's Day shoppers who will purchase flowers
- 0 Percentage of Father's Day shoppers who will purchase flowers - 14 Percentage of Mother's Day shoppers who will purchase perfume
- 11 Percentage of Father's Day shoppers who will purchase sporting goods
- $8-million Value of Mother's Day Hallmark card purchases in Canada during 2002
- $7-million Value of Father's Day Hallmark card purchases in Canada during 2002
- 20 Percentage of Mother's Day cards that will be purchased by men as opposed to women
- $144-million Value of Mother's Day Hallmark card purchases in the United States during 2002
- $90-million Value of Mother's Day Hallmark card purchases in the United States during 2002
- 42-million Estimated Canadian credit-card expenses on jewellery for Mother's Day 2003, according to Moneris Solutions
- $100-million Estimated Canadian credit-card expenses on restaurants and dining for Mother's Day 2003
- $28-million Estimated Canadian credit-card expenses on jewellery for Mother's Day 2003
- $10-million Estimated Canadian credit-card expenses on the theatre for Mother's Day 2003
- $62-million Estimated Canadian credit-card expenses on hair and beauty products for Mother's Day 2003
- 82 Percentage of Canadians expected to buy gifts for their mother
- 20 Percentage of Canadians expected to buy gifts for their wives
- 15 Percentage of Canadians expected to buy a gift for their mother-in-law
- 61 Percentage of Canadian moms who expect to sleep in this Mother's Day
- 40 Percentage of Canadian Mothers who believe they will receive breakfast in bed.
clackner@nationalpost.com
Well, then, you obviously need to raise your expectations! What will these folks write about otherwise?
You put up with our crap (in diapers and afterward) and ya keep coming back. God knows why, but we're glad you did, and do.
Love to all of you.
(from a very naughty son who probably should have been drowned at birth)
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