There's the source of the difficulty, then, A-G. To me (maybe unspun, too), the exercise of will = to choose, = to act. The willfulness that you oppose to obedience is, to me, the "color" of the act, which depends on its motive that becomes visible (at least to God) in the choice we make.
IOW, willfulness does not necessarily mean stubbornness or resistance -- though in common parlance, the words are often used as if they were synonyms.
It seems to me that to abide in the Lord is an act of the will -- with an important qualification attached: It cannot be done by means of self-will entirely. We cannot take "heaven by storm," but can lovingly respond to an Invitation. Christ is the willing mediator who bears us across ("I am the way, the truth, and the life.")....
I'm glad to see that what I suspected was true, the difference between your view and mine is a matter of word usage.
The word willful is defined:
With regard to the command to “abide in” Jesus, I also see it as a matter of choice to pour oneself (self-will and all) into Him upon His invitation. To me, it’s involved relinquishing control, sheltering in His love, wallowing in His being. Self has no practical significance therein.