Telemarketer reveals tricks of trade

MSNBC ^ | April 21, 2003 | Bob Sullivan

[lainie]

The phone rings in the middle of a busy day. “I just want to verify some information for your yellow page listing,” says a voice on the other end of the line. It’s your business, so you agree to the chat. Name. Address. Phone number. You reply with a simple “yes” to eight or nine rapid-fire questions. A month later, there’s a $29.95 charge on your phone bill for a service you don’t remember ordering. You’ve been crammed, another victim of fast-talking telemarketers who are skirting the edges of telecommunications law to create a multimillion industry.

..But the former employee, who was laid off by the company several weeks ago, alleges that Epixtar’s telemarketers use a variety of techniques — including altering taped telephone calls — to prove that customers agreed to charges.

..On the call, the Epixtar operator says she is verifying the business name and address. Then, after she gets the consumer into the rhythm of giving “yes” answers, she establishes that he has the right to make changes to the phone bill. But that key question, read at lightning-quick speed, is slipped in behind another simple “yes” answer.

“At this time we will begin your no obligation 30-day free trial. Should you decide to continue after 30 days your company’s Web and Internet service is only $29.95 monthly and will be included in your local phone bill appearing under the heading online services ...,” the operator says. The flummoxed consumer replies hesitatingly, “Yes ....” The former employee claims the tape was neatly cut after the word “yes.”

[GGpaX4DumpedTea]

I would think a simple response to the pizza question, comment, if you do call to order pizzas from time to time, would be "Yes, but only to order it and only when I originate the call, dumb@$$! I do not BUY pizza over the phone! Who called you?"

[Freebird Forever]

At other times, I pretend to be a Jesus freak and try to convert them to my "unique" church, a made-up cult.

What about announcing that you're one of Jehovah's witnesses and you've been wanting to talk to someone all day?

[Jhoffa_]

I always thought it would be funny to follow one of these guy's home and show up on his doorstep every morning with a new "product" to offer.

Then, if he became combative, just shoot him right there on his doorstep.

[Jhoffa_]

I just cut them off in mid spew with: "May I speak to your manager please?"

[jonathonandjennifer]

I usually ask for their Visa or Mastercard number and explain that I charge $5 per minute to listen to sales pitches. Click.

I get a lot of calls asking me to answer survey questions. When I immediately ask what's in it for me, they always hang up.

[Kevin Curry]

I simply utter a curt "no thanks" and hang the phone up.

I don't even say "No thanks." It's just *click.*

[1riot1ranger]

I have great sport with these guys. I tell them they need to speak to the lady of the house and hand the phone to my 5 year old daughter. She LOVES to talk on the phone. She can keep a solicitor tied up for twenty minutes telling them about her grandmother's house, the neighbor's cat, the tv commercial, etc. She usually brings me the phone when there is a dial tone.

[JoeSchem]

Gee; you are nicer then me!

And you are nicer than me. I don't even say 'no thanks.' I just hang up. Click!

[Skywalk]

There's a sure-fire way to eliminate tele-marketers without even talking to them.

As part of the auto-dialing, they are not connected to the phone line, so there is a pause.

Don't say "hello" so loud, just low volume. Any human on the line would respond immediately, but the auto-dialing machine doesn't register the lower volume and doesn't switch over.

I've had fun waiting on the phone while it waited to switch, then hearing "uh, hello??" and hanging up.

[Cultural Jihad]

Well, the telemarketers have a 1st Amendment right to call whomever they want to, and if anyone is too addled or gullible or guileless to look after their own self-interest, then it's all just too bad and so what and who cares, apparently.

[Ditter]

I sometimes tell I callers that Mr. Ditter is in the County Jail & they can see him on visiting day. More often I just lay the phone down & talk to the dogs or bang the dishes around. We stopped getting calls from Colorado Prime the frozen meat company when Mr Ditter told them we didn't eat beef only dog & that we raised them & he tried to sell some dog meat to the caller.

[ladyinred]

I don't even give them excuses. I just say "no thank you" and hang up. I don't owe them my time, they are intruding into our lives, and this is just the ugliest enterprise around!

[Cultural Jihad]

The automated recordings give you a toll-free number to call. I always call it. If I can't get through right away and get put on hold, I set the phone down and let it eat away at their money.

Do you have CallerID blocked? You wouldn't want to disrupt their business and have them come back and claim you were sabotaging their business communications systems, would you?

[Fifth Business]

I get very few calls. Some years ago I began using the "Please put us on your do-not-call list" response and it works like a charm. And not just with friends. I use that technique with tele-marketers too.

[knews_hound]

If you answer the phone, and you hear a 3-to 5-second pause, hang up. It's THEM

Agreed.

Consider also,

Say hello again, but this time in an accented voice.

When they invariably ask for Mr. X, I say in a heavly-accented voice….

“No Speaka English”


Gets you off the list while you have fun !

I have had “conversations” with others in the background while the guy on the phone groans.

He He He…


Cheers,

knews hound

[gitmo]

I had a guy call me selling siding. I listened to the spiel, getting more and more excited as we went on. It will lower my heating bills?! It will never need painting!!

I kept him on the line 5 minutes. I told him this sounded wonderful.

"How large is your house, Mr. XXX?"

"I don't know. It's a 2 bedroom apartment on the 7th floor of the Borton building."

Click.

[annieokie]

You are correct, phone rings, I say hello only ONE time, if no response, hang up, it is them. If you say hello the second time they got you.

[annieokie]

"Two big dogs and a loaded gun."

That is very funny, good line.

I was once called by a MBNA girl, and as I was not to busy or stressed I listened to her try to give me a credit card.

I told her no I didn't need another one, she said well you can use it on trips. "TRIPS" I laughed, he don't take me anywhere, most I get to do is watch the cobwebs grow off him while he is sitting in his recliner. She begins to laugh

Then I tell her if he is not doing that he is pushing dirt around in the back yard, digs one hole puts it in another then wants me to come out and see the dirt he pushed around or he sits and watches the grass grow, she is now laughing so hard, and tells me she is so glad she called me as she was depressed when she came to work.

Missed my biggest chance though, forgot to tell her that, yes he did take me somewhere just last week, we went to buy our funeral arrangements. LOL wish I had thought to tell her that.

That was one of the best telemarket call I have ever had. Mostly, I just hang up. Was in a ditzy mood that day.

[Tribune7]

The best techinque is my brother's. He gives the phone to his four-year-old and says talk to the man.

The child ends up asking him "Daddy, why did that man hang up?"

[wideminded]

I have enjoyed these responses but here's what I consider the best.

Create an account at http://www.ureach.com/. Costs less than $10 month to obtain a private toll-free number.

So, what you're saying is that this whole thread has been a type of telemarketing.