Posted on 04/18/2003 10:26:28 PM PDT by Scothia
CELEBAPPEAL
Shielding stars from chill winds!
Today's actors and pop musicians face challenges never before encountered by celebrities. Suddenly, it is no longer guaranteed that bashing one's country and leadership in time of war will automatically result in unwashed masses bleating like sheep and agreeing with every star utterance. With the onset of the Internet, talk radio, and alternate cable television news channels, the public is actually less willing to support unconditionally the golden words dripping from famous personalities.
Radical leftist stars need your help! Don't let Susan, Tim, Janeane, Natalie, Michael, and others suffer. It's a First Amendment thing--because, after all, the Constitution only applies to Democrats and Greens.
You can make a difference! For just $25 a month, you can adopt a celebrity and make them feel loved. Your tax-deductible donation provides Evian water, gift baskets, and 20-minute massages for the celebrity of your choice. An extra $10 will guarantee that your celebrity arrives at every photo op, um, protest, in style worthy of the name Hollywood.
CELEBAPPEAL sees that your message of support and adulation is delivered to your celebrity's press agent, and automatically votes in your name the way Peter Jennings would want on every online poll. Call 1-666-BASHBUSH today. A star's ego depends on it!
There's a special this week! Adopt Marty Sheen and you get 50 rolls of duct tape absolutely free! That should be enough to tape up the mouth of every antiwar protester in San Francisco at least once. For an extra $5, we'll throw in a set of indelible dayglo pens, enabling you to scrawl such meaningful protest phrases as "Victim of Suppression"; "Iraq--Wasn't that a state in southern Mexico?"; "No More Free for Me"; and "Sony, Sorry! How was I to know anybody back in Texas heard that, anyway?" across your already radically ducttaped mouth. Both sets come in designer colors, so your stylist can chill!
Remember--that's 1-666-HIPKRIT.
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