BAGHDAD BOB -- The Wild Whoppers of Iraq's Weird & Wacky Minister of Information

The Iconoclast ^ | April 7, 2003 | Lin Anderson

[Apolitical]

TODAY'S ICONOCLAST FEATURED COMMENTARY

BAGHDAD BOB AND THE DEATH OF PROPAGANDA
The Wild Whoppers of Iraq's Weird and Wacky Minister of Information



by Lin Anderson

"Who are you going to believe," goes the old joke. "Me, or your own eyes and ears?"

That could well provide a decent and fitting epitaph for Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, Iraq's Minister of Information, although we harbor hope that he lives many years beyond the war. We sort of admire his hard-headed stubbornness to admit defeat -- indeed, not to accept anything other than sweet, sweet victory, 24 hours a day. He's one of a kind, the sort of fellow you'd expect to find in a Monty Python sketch, or a Peter Sellers movie.

No question the Minister's finest hour came late Sunday here in the States, early Monday Baghdad time. At a hastily-called outdoor press conference in Baghdad, punctuated by the unmistakable sounds of gunfire and those darned inopportune glimpses of U.S. tanks, the man some have affectionately nicknamed "Baghdad Bob" stubbornly stood his ground, denying the very existence of all that rather deadly-serious reality surrounding him.

To use another apt movie analogy, al-Sahhaf was the Iraqi version of martinet Greg Marmalard in the frat party classic Animal House, frantically screaming "All is wellllllll!" while being trampled by a mob.

To U.S. claims that Coalition forces had taken the ministry itself, the minister adamantly declared, "Absolutely that's not true. I can tell you that because I am here at the Ministry of Information."

Well, yes, but apparently outside in the parking lot. The very smoky parking lot.

The minister continued spinning his fanciful tale of Iraqi triumph in the literal face of abject failure, compiling a group of cockeyed statements which merit forever a hallowed place in the Museum of Propaganda.

"They said they have entered Baghdad in 65 tanks, into the centre of the city, and I am telling you this is not true," al-Sahhaf said, as U.S. tanks sat just a few hundred yards away.

"This is part of their sick game. We have slaughtered three-quarters of them so far," al-Sahhaf also claimed. "There is no presence of the American columns in Baghdad at all. Their columns are slaughtered and they have been fed a sour taste, a poison, by the brave forces of Saddam Hussein!"

At this point, it is well to remember, statues of Saddam Hussein were being blown up by gleeful Baghdad-based U.S. troops, some of whom also were hilariously unfurling their college flag on the lawn of the presidential palace.

But al-Sahhaf's greatest moment was yet to come, as he described the terror being wrought on coalition forces, a terror so, er, terrible that U.S. soldiers were ending their own lives in droves, rather than submit to it:

"They are beginning to commit suicide at the walls of Baghdad!" the minister declared. "And I encourage them to increase the rate of suicide. Their columns are being killed in the hundreds at the walls of Baghdad! We have fed them hell and death!

"Washington and London have thrown their soldiers into the fire," he continued. They are war criminals. They will bury their soldiers in hell, sent there by the hands of the Iraqis!"

As head-shakingly funny as this press conference was, it also served to point out in the most absurdly-convincing way possible the complete folly of old-fashioned propaganda itself, in a world where information zings at the speed of light.

[Apolitical]

Another entertaining and insightful essay from Iconoclast's inimitable Lin Anderson. Check out the site for more pro-American gems from the Iconoclast dynamic duo of William Grim and Lin Anderson.

[Justice]

Baghdad Bob says
"U.S. Forces are not in Baghdad...er...wait a minute."

[Grampa Dave]

[Imagine]

"What Tanks?" Bagdad Bob

[Grampa Dave]

Okay after we off Soddomite's French Brie collector, we go due north for two blocks to liberate some fresh baked French Bread after we kill Soddomite's baker. Nothing like a great 1983 French Red, Brie and Bread for a picnic on the Tigris! Someone tell the FNC reporter, to meet us at Baghdad Bob's front yard for the picnic.

[Conspiracy Guy]

"And we have told the Coalition, leave Iraq now. They have left and are sending brave Iraqi Republican Guard troops 3 day passes to Disney World all expense paid. The fear of our brave soldiers sent the Caolition running screaming we are sorry." Baghdad Bob.

[Black Bart]

My favorite Baghdad Bob line: We have cut off their rotten heads.

[South40]

Yakkety Yak, Bomb Iraq

[jrawk]

my favorite is:

"The Americans, they always depend on a method what I call ... stupid, silly"

Makes me think of an absurd title for the war, like:

Operation Stupid Silly

[friendly]

How different, really, is Bagdad Bob from Dan Rather, Peter Jennings, etc?

Hell, take away the beret & put him in a Brooks Brothers Suit, and the guy looks like your typical liberal thug traitor politician. He would philosophically and ethically fit perfectly right in with Hillary, Daschle, Schumer, Corzine, ad nauseum.

[Billthedrill]

Hey, don't you guys go dissin' my man Bob! Who would have thought that the biggest star of the war would turn out to be a stand-up comedian?

To U.S. claims that Coalition forces had taken the ministry itself, the minister adamantly declared, "Absolutely that's not true. I can tell you that because I am here at the Ministry of Information."

That one was beatiful. He was, in fact, across the river at the time. The U.S. battalion commander was quoted as saying "I'd like a word with the Minister of Information. He can find me in the tank outside his office."

[AnAmericanMother]

WHOA! If that's what I think it is, that is a VERY, VERY nice bottle of French Bordeaux. Must have liberated it from Saddam's cellar.

[dfwgator]

The sad fact is that most Arabs actually believe this guy.

[MediaMole]

Chemical Agent Found at Information Ministry

(2003-04-07) -- Coalition troops now in the heart of Baghdad have discovered a massive cache of the chemical agent lysergic acid diethylamide.

The Iraqi Information Ministry has been identified as the site of a huge repository of the substance, commonly called LSD.

"After listening to recent statements from the Iraqi Information Minister, we had suspected there were large quantities of LSD in the building," said an unnamed Pentagon spokesman.

Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf called on the United Nations to address the "immanent humanitarian medical crisis."

"There is no way I can do my job effectively without this essential medication," said Mr. al-Sahaf. "Without LSD, I cannot stand up before the people and say 'Be assured, Baghdad is safe, protected. Iraqis are heroes.'

Mr. al-Sahaf said the 'medicine' helps him to see Abrams tanks as gentle lavender camels and Bradley fighting vehicles as enormous pansies and petunias.

-- from Scrappleface.com

[Maedhros]

[Mat_Helm]

There are no troops in Bagdad.....yaah that's the ticket!

[gaucho]

I want to see Col North show up on Fox at one of his briefings!

[husky ed]

"They are commiting suicide against the gates of Baghdad"!

John F. Kerry's gonna hire him to write his speeches.

[mikeb704]

Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, Iraq's minister of information, says U.S. forces were repulsed when they tried to advance on Baghdad from the south. "We were able to chop off their rotten heads," he said. It appears Mr. Saeed al-Sahhaf will soon have to seek other employment. Where can he possibly get a job? He's totally detached from reality. He tells bald-faced lies with no sense of guilt or embarrassment. And he vehemently hates the United States, particularly our military. Where would such a person be welcomed?

By Jove, I've got it! Mr. Saeed al-Sahhaf can always find a gig with the Democratic National Committee. His skills won't be wasted there.

Michael M. Bates: My Side of the Swamp

[swampfox98]

He reminds me of Americans who vote for Democrats because the Democrats are the party of the "common people". The disconnet from the real truth here is amazing on both counts.