Posted on 03/18/2003 12:17:19 PM PST by freepatriot32
Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors. Cheating husbands, in contrast, are increasingly looking for emotional fulfillment and may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them.
This reversal of traditional roles is detailed by the American author Shirley Glass in a new book, Not Just Friends. She blames the growing trend of illicit sexual adventures among married women for America's 50% divorce rate. "When a woman has an affair, she is more likely to leave her husband because she is already detached from him," she says.
Hollywood sweetheart Meg Ryan, who left husband Dennis Quaid after a fling with Russell Crowe, followed this pattern. After years of supporting Quaid in his battle against alcohol and drugs, Ryan insisted, "My marriage was broken. Nobody else broke it up."
Christine Northam, a counselor with the marriage advice charity Relate, said of the trend, "When you get people in front of you today and you ask why, they will say, 'It was the amazing sex.' That is as it has ever been, but women are now more able to say it was the sex. Previously they would say something like, 'I needed support.'"
Richard Scase, a professor at Kent University in England and a social trends expert, said he was not surprised at Glass' findings. "Women are taking on the traditional male psychology, and men are finding they are not getting the emotional attention from female partners which they used to get," he said. "Men are therefore looking outside the relationship for someone in whom they can confide, be honest with, and be authentic to."
America's divorce rate has quadrupled since 1970, yet Americans remain faithful to the spirit if not the letter of their wedding vows. For 30 years, 96% of Americans have said they want to be married, and 81% of separated or divorced partners say they believe marriage should be for life.
Despite this, Glass notes, "There's a whole generation of women with premarital experience who are much less inhibited about being with somebody other than their husband." She concluded that 25% of wives and 44% of husbands have had affairs.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York marriage counselor, said, "We're seeing the pendulum swing. Men used to behave like jocks -- macho men who were only interested in sex -- but now women are behaving the same way."
Anne Wilson (not her real name), 39, a New Yorker, is receiving help to rescue her marriage after a two-month fling. "I really have nothing to complain about. I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car," Wilson said. After the novelty of marriage and motherhood wore off, she felt her home life had become humdrum: "I wanted to have a sparkle in my eyes again. Sex was a high, a rush. It was fantastic while it lasted. He was charismatic and made me laugh. I didn't have to do his laundry or put his toilet seat down."
Weil believes men are not as forgiving as women. "A woman knows that if she has an affair, it's often the end of a marriage. However, the trend for men to look for love and intimacy outside the home is just as dangerous," she said. "When men reach their 30s and 40s, they feel they've had enough stress and work in their lives. They know life is short and if they don't feel happy or 'in love', they want to reach for an emotional link."
That bond is most easily attainable at work, where colleagues often have more in common with each other than with their spouses. Glass' survey revealed that 62% of unfaithful husbands and 46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work. "The traditional affair involved a man in a position of power who was attracted to a subordinate. Sometimes these relations became love affairs, but frequently, men were just looking for a bit of variety," she said. "Now that women and men are working as equals, the relationship begins with respect, and friendship can cross the line into emotional intimacy."
It sure does.
I mean, what are the chances that when you, wardaddy, are in the middle of a conversation like this, a poster would pop in with the screen name 'warchild9'?? ;-)
LMAO...
Based on my personal observations over the past twenty-five years (my adulthood), which I do not claim is a representative sample, I'd say the actual percentages are probably higher. I'd guess that 60% of husbands have had affairs and probably 40% of wives. I think it grows more common all the time, and it wouldn't surprise me to learn that the growth is faster among women. Again, this is based on my observation. I'm not saying 40% of the women on FR are having affairs, so no one needs get upset.
'Tis a real shame.
MM
I have read and heard alot along the lines of what you are saying, and I believe you :-)
I have also had opportunity to hear things from people who analyze the data from studies like that and from medical trials. One of the oddest tidbits I have heard involved the effects of selection on paternity testing. Specifically, when the reason for dna analysis has nothing at all to do with paternity, the rate of discovered illegitimacy is much higher than when the data is gathered specifically to test paternity. The obvious inference being that such tests are somehow more often avoided when there is some doubt in mom's mind about paternity.
The person who related this to me also mentioned in particular a very broad study over several years on tissue compatibility tests for bone transplant. In more than 70% of children whose parents were married at the time of conception, the married guy was NOT the dad. This study was in southern california, and non-white hispanics were disproportionately represented, so maybe maybe that's not a slice of american family pie, but it is certainly food for thought.
Along the lines of the cheater's advantage ... I have read many times that sexual arousal and fertility were correlated, in that any given woman will get pregnant easier when she is more aroused.
So if cheating is what thrills her then the "other guy" will always have that advantage, since you can't cheat with your husband, only on him.
I hung wallpaper for most of the eighties, I know what you mean. It would amaze me sometimes, who would do what.
And you are right about being careful not to make them feel scorned.
Hilarious...I sense this is a good time to state that I am glad that I was born a man, 'cause if I were a woman, I'd be a lesbian. :{)
We need to return to that standard. Fornication and Adultery should be capital crimes.
Today only 14 States, Puerto Rico and The United States Military have Sodomy laws. Only 26 States still have anti-adultery or Fornication laws on the books.
I am an LEO in a State with Sodomy, Adultery and Fornication laws, the penalitys are not nearly severe enough, but at least the law punishes the behavior and classifies as what it is, criminal deviant immoral behavior.
One of the better reforms would be to remove the no-fault divorce laws from the books, or work the establish the convenant marriage laws that several states have passed or are working to pass.
Deviant immoral libertarians and democrats have no right to destroy the moral fabric of society as a whole. Sodomy, fornication, and adultery do just that.
"Man, considered as a creature, must necessarily be subject to the laws of his Creator, for he is entirely a dependent being....And, consequently, as man depends absolutely upon his Maker for everything, it is necessary that he should in all points conform to his Maker's will...this will of his Maker is called the law of nature. These laws laid down by God are the eternal immutable laws of good and evil...This law of nature dictated by God himself, is of course superior in obligation to any other. It is binding over all the globe, in all countries, and at all times: no human laws are of any validity if contrary to this... Sir William Blackstone
If you were married to someone from DU wouldn't you want to cheat too?
I think rather that it's basic biology. When a women is ovulating, her hormones have her "in the mood" (Duh!).
Should we be surprised then, that a woman of lower moral character is more likely to get pregnant from someone other than her regular lover (especially if the new lover is more masculine in appearance)?
Oddly enough, we guys suffer from a similar physiological phenomenon - but with a twist. After a few drinks, we also get "in the mood". However, the field of acceptable "partners" tends to expand, and more often than not - downward in appearance.
Nonsense!
It's the hormones - the same hormones that cause a woman go f-n loony during her 28 cycle, also ready the body for fertilization and implanation. One of the interesting side affects - women get horny.
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