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Women are more likely to cheat than men, finds report.
divorce magazine.com ^ | 3/16/03 | ?

Posted on 03/18/2003 12:17:19 PM PST by freepatriot32

Women are more likely to cheat on their men to gain sexual satisfaction because of their growing assertiveness and their equality in the workplace, say marriage counselors. Cheating husbands, in contrast, are increasingly looking for emotional fulfillment and may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them.

This reversal of traditional roles is detailed by the American author Shirley Glass in a new book, Not Just Friends. She blames the growing trend of illicit sexual adventures among married women for America's 50% divorce rate. "When a woman has an affair, she is more likely to leave her husband because she is already detached from him," she says.

Hollywood sweetheart Meg Ryan, who left husband Dennis Quaid after a fling with Russell Crowe, followed this pattern. After years of supporting Quaid in his battle against alcohol and drugs, Ryan insisted, "My marriage was broken. Nobody else broke it up."

Christine Northam, a counselor with the marriage advice charity Relate, said of the trend, "When you get people in front of you today and you ask why, they will say, 'It was the amazing sex.' That is as it has ever been, but women are now more able to say it was the sex. Previously they would say something like, 'I needed support.'"

Richard Scase, a professor at Kent University in England and a social trends expert, said he was not surprised at Glass' findings. "Women are taking on the traditional male psychology, and men are finding they are not getting the emotional attention from female partners which they used to get," he said. "Men are therefore looking outside the relationship for someone in whom they can confide, be honest with, and be authentic to."

America's divorce rate has quadrupled since 1970, yet Americans remain faithful to the spirit if not the letter of their wedding vows. For 30 years, 96% of Americans have said they want to be married, and 81% of separated or divorced partners say they believe marriage should be for life.

Despite this, Glass notes, "There's a whole generation of women with premarital experience who are much less inhibited about being with somebody other than their husband." She concluded that 25% of wives and 44% of husbands have had affairs.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York marriage counselor, said, "We're seeing the pendulum swing. Men used to behave like jocks -- macho men who were only interested in sex -- but now women are behaving the same way."

Anne Wilson (not her real name), 39, a New Yorker, is receiving help to rescue her marriage after a two-month fling. "I really have nothing to complain about. I've been married for 15 years to a lovely Englishman who cares for me, and I have a wonderful apartment and a beautiful car," Wilson said. After the novelty of marriage and motherhood wore off, she felt her home life had become humdrum: "I wanted to have a sparkle in my eyes again. Sex was a high, a rush. It was fantastic while it lasted. He was charismatic and made me laugh. I didn't have to do his laundry or put his toilet seat down."

Weil believes men are not as forgiving as women. "A woman knows that if she has an affair, it's often the end of a marriage. However, the trend for men to look for love and intimacy outside the home is just as dangerous," she said. "When men reach their 30s and 40s, they feel they've had enough stress and work in their lives. They know life is short and if they don't feel happy or 'in love', they want to reach for an emotional link."

That bond is most easily attainable at work, where colleagues often have more in common with each other than with their spouses. Glass' survey revealed that 62% of unfaithful husbands and 46% of unfaithful wives had affairs at work. "The traditional affair involved a man in a position of power who was attracted to a subordinate. Sometimes these relations became love affairs, but frequently, men were just looking for a bit of variety," she said. "Now that women and men are working as equals, the relationship begins with respect, and friendship can cross the line into emotional intimacy."


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Editorial; Extended News; Front Page News; News/Current Events; Philosophy; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: are; cheat; finds; libertarians; likely; men; more; report; than; to; women
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To: realpatriot71
women get horny.

Arguably the most appreciated show of emotion undertaken by humans in my view. Bar none.

101 posted on 03/18/2003 5:03:39 PM PST by wardaddy (My eternal gratitude is in order.)
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To: wardaddy
Arguably the most appreciated show of emotion undertaken by humans in my view. Bar none.

LOL

102 posted on 03/18/2003 5:05:47 PM PST by realpatriot71 (legalize freedom!)
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To: realpatriot71
You know...a lot of women...my wife included can tell when they are "in season".. a bit flushed, slight pain on either side...and yes the rather obvious other symptoms you described...lol

With my 2 girls...and our 2 in diapers....we have to be careful...and no, we're not Catholics.
103 posted on 03/18/2003 5:07:23 PM PST by wardaddy (I'll take all the kids I can afford or G-d grants....they are all a blessing.)
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To: FITZ
If you were married to someone from DU wouldn't you want to cheat too?

Ha! I'm married to someone who could be from DU. I'm the capitalist, she's the hippy-chick. Kind of like that Darma and Greg show :)

That being said, I would never ever cheat on her. Our love is too passionate for that.

104 posted on 03/18/2003 5:07:55 PM PST by Sirloin
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To: wardaddy
I was blonde at birth - dad has black hair - for years the family joke was that I was the mailman/cable guy/house painter's kid.
105 posted on 03/18/2003 5:08:46 PM PST by realpatriot71 (legalize freedom!)
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To: Lorianne; freepatriot32
The title for the post is wrong.

Re-read the first sentence. It merely says that women are more likely to cheat than they used to be.

This explains your confusion.

106 posted on 03/18/2003 5:28:08 PM PST by the_doc
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To: hchutch
It's kinda hard to understand why anyone would cheat on spouse - at least to me. Whatever happened to the notions that one's word was their bond?

Unfortunately have to part company on this one. I admire and respect your position on this, but it just isn't the reality, at least in my experience. I have spent 17 years being a loving, successful provider and husband, father of two sons, and I carry 90% of the household duties. In return I am treated like dirt, disrespected, screamed at, with sexual relations exclusively controlled by this mean b_tch.

I cheat when I please and as often as I please, which is still very rare. But I carry no sense of shame or guilt, given how I am treated, and I will not ever throw a stone at any other person similarly treated.

107 posted on 03/18/2003 6:56:40 PM PST by mwl1
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To: Lorianne
Exactly. If women are more likely to cheat than men, then who are they cheating with???
108 posted on 03/18/2003 7:35:50 PM PST by plusone
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To: freepatriot32
...Women are more likely to cheat on their men...

We've always known that, haven't we.......LOLOL

109 posted on 03/18/2003 7:39:52 PM PST by Mihalis
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To: the_doc
Re-read the first sentence. It merely says that women are more likely to cheat than they used to be.

It's not MY confusion, it's the author's and it was a deliberate deception. Kind of ruins her credibility. Also the author hasn't convinced me that women cheat more than they used to and her initial credibility gap only widens with each paragraph.

In any case, who would all these women (whatever the number) be cheating with? The author herself says 25% of women cheat compared with 44% of men. How does that compute? She doesn't bother to tell us who is "cheating" with who. Are married people cheating with single people? If so, more married women must be cheating with married men than with single men, to keep their percentages so disparate.

Whatever, the author is bad at math.

110 posted on 03/18/2003 7:52:04 PM PST by Lorianne
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To: freedomlover
"----I LOVE HER LIKE CRAZY!!----"

Sometimes, God Understands Human Life!

Doc

111 posted on 03/18/2003 7:59:01 PM PST by Doc On The Bay
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To: Lorianne
Please don't keep a chip on your shoulder toward me, ma'am [grin]. I was just trying to help you. I was not confused at any point.

As a matter of fact, when I read the title, I knew immediately that it was wrong--before I even read the first sentence of the article. (Everything I know about men and women screams out to me that the title is false.) When I subsequently read the first sentence of the article, I immediately saw that the person who hung the title on the article was badly mistaken about what the author was saying.

The author of the article was NOT trying to deceive the likes of you. On the contrary, she actually stipulates that men cheat more often than men--by a pretty wide margin. Even a casual reader should notice that.

Why am I letting the author off the hook of responsibility for the false title? It's very simple. It's because the author of the article obviously didn't dream up the title of the article. It was written by a sloppy page editor who didn't read the article carefully enough.

This kind of thing happens pretty often in journalism. The problem is, news copy is written by different people from those who write headlines. And they sometimes get sloppy.

So, it was just a boneheaded mistake. I saw what was going on immediately. I didn't even get mad (grin).

112 posted on 03/18/2003 8:34:50 PM PST by the_doc
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To: Lorianne
Oops. I meant to say "men cheat more often than women."

113 posted on 03/18/2003 8:36:08 PM PST by the_doc
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To: gg188
There was a book out a few years back called The Sperm Wars that talks about how women are more likely to cheat when ovulating.
114 posted on 03/18/2003 10:12:36 PM PST by bdeaner
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Comment #115 Removed by Moderator

To: Political Junkie Too; wardaddy
I saw both of these shows. They were really interesting.
116 posted on 03/18/2003 10:22:43 PM PST by photogirl (Let's kick some butt already!!)
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To: freepatriot32
Yup..you have to be carefull out thar....theres "Cougars" on the prowl!
117 posted on 03/18/2003 10:28:22 PM PST by Light Speed
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To: freepatriot32
"...may actually mean it when they tell their secretaries that their wives don't understand them."

They have ALWAYS may have meant it that their wives don't understand them. MadTV did a great skit where a prostitiute abuses and berates a husband. It is kind of a reverse example of why men would go to a prostitute. You don't cheat to be emotionally abused. Pretty Woman the movie is premised on a business man who does not want the emotional hassle.

This study is tripe used to sell magazines and get PR for the person reporting. This is up there in reliability with day care helps with socialization, humnans are not monogamous, oral sex is not sex, single mothers are better than family units, it only takes a father figure not a real father, tv is a good babysitter, children are just short adults, and homosexuality is harmless.
118 posted on 03/18/2003 10:29:12 PM PST by longtermmemmory
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To: mwl1
Wouldn't divorce be better? That doesn't sound like a marriage.
119 posted on 03/18/2003 10:51:54 PM PST by FITZ
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To: O.C. - Old Cracker
Ned Flanders or Frank Burns

Who are they?

120 posted on 03/18/2003 11:06:02 PM PST by my_pointy_head_is_sharp
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