Regards, Ivan
Posted on 03/09/2003 11:48:18 AM PST by MadIvan
I SEEM to recall that I may have written somewhere recently that I would never have another bad word said about Bongo. You see, recently I had a bit of a road-to-Damascus experience where I witnessed first hand his extraordinary and rather inspiring generosity. I'm not one for breaking my promises, so I hope that Bongo will regard the following as a bit of friendly advice. As a demonstration of my good faith, I will even call him Bono for the rest of the piece.
I think the basic problem is that poor Bono gets carried away. He has so much enthusiasm for everything that when he gets on a roll, he just overdoes it sometimes. Bono himself referred to this last week, when he pointed out that everybody was sick of Bono. "I'm sick of Bono," he said, "And I am Bono." This is a good sign. It's a sign that Bono is developing a bit of a Bono Barometer. It means he's developing some kind of trip switch that makes him aware when it's time to go underground and, in his own words, "dream it all up again." And to give his public a break.
Seasoned Bono watchers can usually see the signs that we are approaching that awful Messianic high ground that Bono occupied so embarrassingly for a time in the eighties. For my money, for example, Bono should be guessing things are out of control when it is being reported that he is going to meet with Saddam Hussein in a bid to prevent war in Iraq. Apparently Bono was furious at the reports. This too is a good sign. The fact that Bono knows that it is ludicrous that people would even entertain that he might be thinking of doing such a thing is good. But claims that Bono is going to step in to stop a war that most of the world's leaders have failed to avert is definitely a sign that things may be going out of control. Headlines like 'Bono denies face to face meeting with Iraqi dictator' are a worry in anyone's book. But indeed things looked promising as Bono kept his own counsel on the issue of the war. More of which anon.
The Meteor Music Awards the other night should have sounded warning bells in Bono's head as well. Bono got an award for humanitarian work, which is all very well and good. But then Bill Clinton, John Hume and Bertie Ahern queued up to record embarrassing little film clips praising Bono as a kind of world leader. Even Nelson Mandela, or "the celebrities' celebrity" as he's known, sent in a little note. All a sure sign that Bono should hightail it back to the recording studio.
Admittedly Bono indulged in his classic self-deprecation on the night. But then he had to go and do it, didn't he? An impassioned plea for peace in the North. If you thought the Good Friday Agreement was vague, how about this for helpful? "The people don't want to go back. The only way is forward now in Northern Ireland." It's hard to disagree with that.
If receiving a Humanitarian Award wasn't in itself a signal to Bono that it was time to shut up, perhaps the fact that it was one of seemingly dozens of non-music awards that he's been getting recently should have rung alarm bells in his head. In the past few weeks alone he has been nominated for the Nobel Prize: he has picked up the annual MusiCares Award in the US from his old pal Bill Clinton; he has even been made a Knight of the French Legion of Honour, joining other Irish luminaries such as Joe Walsh in receiving the ultimate French kiss. If I was Bono there'd be a little voice screaming in my head by now: "Go back to the f**kin' studio and make a record! Remember the eighties Bono. Remember the eighties."
And when the music is suffering, well that's another sign. Bono has made much recently of thanking U2 for their patience while he ran around saving the world. And clearly the band are getting a bit cheesed off by it. "Bono, where did it all go wrong?" the Edge joked at one recent Great Guy Awards Ceremony. "I mean, we're trying to do a backing track and all of a sudden the Pope's on the phone." Don't you hate that?
There are other worrying signs too of Bono-overkill, or Bonoverkill as it's known. Did you know for example, that a debate is raging in the pages of Christianity Today about Bono's spirituality?
A professor of New Testament at Trinity Lutheran Seminary argues that " All That You Can't Leave Behind is certainly U2's most fully realised work musically and spiritually". Other contributors to the debate include Beth Maynard, a pastor who is "co-editing a book of sermons based on U2's catalogue" (called get Up Off Your Knees: Preaching the U2 Catalogue). Didn't spoof U2 band The Joshua Trio do that kind of thing years ago? Also quoted in the various articles is Steve Stockman, a chaplain at Queens University Belfast and the author of Walk On: the Spiritual Journey of U2. This is all true. I swear. It's Saint Bob all over again.
His "being sick of Bono" comment offers some hope that maybe Bono is going to go away again for a while, and there was even a danger that he was going to do it without speaking out on the war. Indeed sources were suggesting that he was going to remain schtum on the war because he was wary of over-extending himself and wanted to stick to his very limited portfolio of eliminating world poverty and curing AIDS.
But naturally Bono couldn't let something as big as Iraq pass without comment. Carefully hedging his bets, given his closeness to the US administration and the fact that he was getting an award from Jacques Chirac at the time, Bono eventually caved in and decided he had to tell the faithful what to think, albeit rather vaguely. "How can you not be for peace?" he asked in a statement worthy of Bertie Ahern. He went on to say that Tony Blair was sincere in his convictions about Iraq, but sincerely wrong.
Now correct me if I'm wrong but I have a suspicion that Tony Blair and indeed George Bush might know some things about Iraq that the rest of us, maybe even Bono, don't know. I suspect that Tony Blair may not be almost ending his political career without some good reasons. I think that they may feel that Saddam Hussein is a real danger to all of us and that they may have good reasons for thinking this. I suspect Tony Blair might feel that once someone has a nuclear weapon there's no going back; that no one can touch Saddam Hussein if he's got a big bomb aimed at New York. I suspect Tony Blair may feel that Saddam Hussein clearly has the kind of chemical weapons he has been slow to admit he has and that these weapons could wreak havoc in Britain or Ireland in two minutes. I just suspect these things because Tony Blair isn't a fool and public opinion and popularity are important to him. So he probably has good reasons for throwing them away. I think that Blair will be proven right too, very soon. It was foolish of a popstar to suggest that Tony Blair was a fool.
It's not quite as bad as the luvvies who think their opinions matter because they play the president in The West Wing or whatever, but it is folly nonetheless. Indeed, I'm surprised that Bono is being so cavalier about the welfare of Ireland, Britain and America. I think, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, that it may be time for Bono to go away and dream it all up again.
Regards, Ivan
When is Bono the political dope going to get back in the studio and do the only thing he appears to be good at? That is, putting out a U2 album. Bono is a very naive person who has led a very sheltered life. But he and his bandmates are pretty good musicians. He should stick to the music and leave politics to those with a clue.
Haven't seen a U2 album since 2000 - a pretty decent one too.
Then I started noticing that he wanted America to pay for all his schemes, and that he had no real plan other than, "Take money from waitresses and mechanics in America, and give it to African dictators with spacious palaces and Swiss bank accounts." And then my vision cleared remarkably.
And now I want him to just shut up and sing. Oh, and he should take my flag out of the lining of his leather jacket, unless he wants the Irish flag sewn into the backside of my panties.
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Bonehead alert |
Dig Brendan beat that Bongo!
Here is Bongo with the Big Creep (looking buzzed and with a herpes sore on his lip):
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