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"Coward of the Country"
(To be sung to Kenny Roger's "Coward of the County")

Ev'ryone considered Slick the Coward of the Country.
He'd never stood one single time to prove them FReepers wrong.
His mama named him Billie, most folks just called Slick "Yella!!"
But something always told me they were reading Billie wrong.

Slick was only ten years old when his daddy whupped his mama.
Bill looked on laughin' 'cause he hated all women.
I still recall the final words Slick's mama said to Mudboy:
"MUD, my life is over, but yers shall smite my son!!"

Promise me, MUD, not to do the things I've done.
Fend away all trouble, if you can.
It won't mean you're meek if you turn the other cheek.
I hope you're old enough to understand:
Slim, Slick YOU'll have to fight to be The Man."

This Country's for ev'ryone...and Mudboy loves this Country.
When we're armed, we shouldn't have to prove who's more the man.
One day while MUD was workin'...that Clinton boy KILLED CHILDREN!!
Slick took turns at ladies....There was Scores of THEM!!!

Mudboy opened up his eyes and saw his Country reelin'.
The spunked dress, the Clinton spooks were more than he could stand.
He reached above the fireplace and took down grand-daddy's picture.
As his tears fell on grandpappy's face, MUD heard these words again:

"Promise me, MUD, not to do the things I've done.
Counteract Left's trouble when you can.
Folks don't pay fer "MEEK"...Make DemLeftists Turn Their Cheeks!!
I hope you're old enough to be a man...
MUD, you best learn to fight if yer a man."

The SlickButtBoys just laughed at MUD when he walked into the barroom.
Whorealdo got up and met Slim halfway 'cross the floor.
When Mudboy turned around they said, "Hey look! Ol' Mudboy's FReepin'."
But you coulda heard a pin drop when Mudboy stopped and whupped DemWhores!!!

Forty years of Stalin was bottled up inside'em.
We wasn't holdin' nothin' back; we had ourselves a ball.
When Mudboy left the barroom not a Clinton 'Ho was standin'.
MUD said, "This one's fer [Linda/Chandra/Waco/Allah/Mena/Foster/Ron Brown/Chelsea/Algore/JimRob/Limbaugh/Ronnie]," as he watched each Lib'ral fall.
And I heard him say,

"I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you done.
I walk away from trouble when I can.
Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek,
Good Papa, I sure hope you understand:
Hell, Yeah!! I'm gonna fight 'cuz I'm a man!!"

Ev'ryone considered Slick the Coward of the Country.

FReegards...MUD