France’s anti-war stance draws booze from Delco

When countries fail to comply with requests from the United Nations, they often face sanctions -- economic or otherwise -- aimed at swaying the rogue nation’s mindset.

With war with Iraq inevitably looming on the horizon, and the United States receiving the cold shoulder from several allies -- the most outspoken being France -- state Rep. Stephen Barrar wants to inaugurate a sanction of his own to teach the French government an American lesson.

Barrar, R-160, of Upper Chichester, drafted a resolution yesterday to the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board asking it to boycott French wines and other French liquor products.

"Myself, and several other representatives have expressed displeasure with the French reaction to the United States’ suggestion to take force against Iraq," said Barrar. "The Pennsylvania LCB is one of the largest purchasers of French liquor in the United States. By enacting this boycott, we could send them a message that they need to support us in this critical time on the brink of war."

Barrar said he will spend the next week garnering sponsors for his resolution. He plans to file it next week.

"I’m tired of the anti-American rhetoric that the French government is spouting," Barrar said. "We deserve better than the attitude that they give us. It is a horrible attitude that has gone on for many years now.

"We had thousands of Americans on their beaches at Normandy during World War II, and they still don’t respect us. They gave us a difficult time extraditing a convicted killer in Ira Einhorn, and they condemn us for Mumia Abu-Jamal to the point that they named a little town outside of Paris after him. All that for a guy that didn’t just kill a cop, but executed him," Barrar said.

If Barrar’s notion gains some steam, state liquor store customers can temporarily forget about purchasing Cognac. They may be forced to buy the Napa Valley wines instead of the Mouton Cadet’s or the vintage Georges Duboeuf Nuevo Beaujolais.

"By not supporting us now, this is the last straw," he said. "Something needs to be done, and what better way than to hit them in their pockets?"

Although the liquor embargo may seem creative here in the United States, it isn’t the first time that the French have seen their best export product blocked from entering a country. After French President Jacques Chirac decided to resume nuclear-weapons tests in the South Pacific in 1995, one nation recalled its ambassador to France. Protesters burned the French flag and set fire to an embassy, three million people signed petitions and environmentalists disrupted French military operations.

But of all the worldwide protests, the one that hit home was acampaign by Great Britain to boycott that most enduring symbol of the French: Wine.

And it is not merely a matter of national pride. The boycott was blamed for trimming the country’s Bordeaux exports by 5 percent.

This action by Barrar may be the first action taken by a state lawmaker nationwide, although most states allow private liquor sales.

the United States receiving the cold shoulder from several allies -- the most outspoken being France --

They are not allies, they are enemies! We were attacked, when they were attacked they expected us to join in the war against their attackers, had we not, they would have considered us, and rightfully so, enemies. So, now that it is us that have been attacked, why must we consider those who are against us allies and not enemies?

I consider the germans and the french, the russians and the chinese enemies!

And you know what, remembering what a mess the french made of Nam, I would just as soon have them on the side of iraq!

WHO NEEDS THE FRENCH?

French Military History in a Nutshell Currently making the rounds in the military community:

The Complete Military History of France

- Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

- Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

- Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

- Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other
participants started ignoring her.

- War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War - Tied.

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

- Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Muslims and the Germans just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France
collapses?"

Final Conclusion: "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

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