UN Orders Willy Wonka to Submit to Chocolate Factory Inspections

The Onion ^ | January 30, 2003 | Americas Finest News Source

[ewing]

Responding to pressure from the international community, the United Nations ordered enigmatic candy maker William 'Willy' Wonka to submit to chocolate factory inspections Monday.

'For years, Wonka has hid the ominous doings of his research facility and development from the outside world,' UN Secretary General Kofi Annan said.

'Given the reports of child disappearances, technological advances in glass elevator transport, and Wonka run forced Oompa Loompa forced labor camps, the time has come to put an end to three decades of secrecy in the Wonka regieme.

The chocolate making facilities of Wonkas heavily fortified compound have long been the a source of speculation.

Wonka, defying calls for international calls for full disclosure, has maintained his silence regarding his factories suspected capacities to manufacture confections of mass deliciousness.

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What the International Debating society could look like without action..

[My2Cents]

The face of evil...

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hold muh chocolate!

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The enigmatic, elusive despot.

[stainlessbanner]

Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!

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[Miss Marple]

OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN ME
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU MAKE SARIN GAS?
KNOWING IT'S BANNED AS A FORBIDDEN CLASS?
WHAT ARE YOU AT WEAPONIZING ANTHRAX?
WHAT ARE YOU MAKING WITH ALL THOSE SMOKESTACKS?
(I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT)
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH
IF YOU'RE NOT EVIL YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOPEDEE DO!!

[ez]

what do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
eating as much as an elephant eats.

[Quanah]

NO BLOOD FOR COCOA!! BUSH IS JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE HE'S A PUPPET OF BIG CHOCOLATE!

[ez]

oops, just read your new lyrics...LOL.

[Miss Marple]

LOL! I saw this movie with my son when it first came out. He was, at the time, just getting over the fear of going down the bathtub drain, which many small children have.

Then I took him to see Wonka, where the German kid is sucked up in a drain pipe. My son looked at me as if to say, "See, I knew I was right!"

[My2Cents]

ROFL!!!!

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LOL! 'No blood for cocoa'

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[Aracelis]

A favorite Wonka poem.

[John123]

It's all about chocolate!!!

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No chocolate, no peace!

[Poohbah]

Ping...good parody...

[My2Cents]

A related news item: Someone resembling Willie Wonka is now tied to the production of the neo-nazi Broadway hit, "Spring Time for Hitler."

[Miss Marple]

This is CRYING for a parody, but unfortunately my muse left me with the Oompa Loompa song.

Here are the lyrics to "Springtime for Hitler".