Why all our pigs are having a ball (I am not making this up)

The Times of London ^ | 1/29/03 | Valerie Elliott

[IowaHawk]

FARMERS throughout the country have 90 days to put a toy in every pigsty or face up to three months in jail. The new ruling from Brussels, which is to become law in Britain next week, is to keep pigs happy and prevent them chewing each other.

Official instructions to farmers are to give pigs “environmental enrichment” by providing “manipulable material”, which the Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs last night defined as balls.

A spokesman said: “We mean footballs and basketballs. Farmers may also need to change the balls so the pigs don’t get tired with the same one. Different colour ones will do. These rules are based on good welfare. We don’t want to come across as the nanny state, but the important thing is to see pigs happy in their environment and they like to forage with their noses.”

He added that hanging chains were also good, since pigs could brush their noses against them. The Government is not ready to recommend specific toys, however, because they know of no firm manufacturing playthings for pigs.

But farmers should be careful about scoffing at the idea: they could be fined up to £1,000 or jailed for three months if they fail to amuse their stock. And Neville Meeker, who farms near Warminster in Wiltshire, was told by a farm standards official last week that he will lose the right to use the red tractor farm logo to market his pork if he does not buy a toy for each of 64 sties.

Mr Meeker, who has 1,200 pigs, said: “I have a note here which says toys must be placed in the sties. I haven’t a clue what it means.” Yesterday he tried out a plastic aeroplane and a grey furry teddy bear. They seemed to please a small group of piglets, but he was less enthusiastic: “These toys won’t last two minutes. We’ve got to give them something that is hard-wearing. It has to be durable enough to withstand chewing for at least six months and we can’t use wood because that will cause splinter injuries and pieces could get caught in pigs’ throats.”

He is also worried about the safety aspect of having toys scattered on pen floors.

He said: “I can’t have chains because the roof of the unit is not strong enough. Pigs would just pull it down. Sadly I don’t have an old beam. I suppose I will just have to buy some balls.”

In a letter to Farmers’ Weekly he complains: “Yes, the day of the toy inspector has arrived, and it is not a TV spoof. It is the dictators of Europe who have thought this up. Good job the January sales are on. Hamleys here we come.”

He was worried, too, that he needed just one toy for every sty with 20 pigs. “Will this cause fighting? I remember how children react.”

Mark White, past president of the Pig Veterinary Society, said: “Pigs have a habit of chewing each other and they do it in all environments and especially go for pigs’ tails and ears. Animal welfarists have been arguing that we should not dock tails of pigs. Some believe it is unnecessary mutilation for aesthetic and not for medical reasons. They think if we provide pigs with things to relieve their boredom then they will not chew each other.”

He suggested softwood logs, ships’ buoys and plastic piping.

[IowaHawk]

Ah, the Eurosophisticates; enriching the world with laughter.

[BillyBonebrake]

"The more corrupt the republic, the more numerous the laws" -Tacitus

[Interesting Times]

Somewhere out there in cyberspace, the writers for The Onion are snarling and breaking pencils.

[alisasny]

Please tell us this is a joke...please : )

[azhenfud]

Headline From BELGIUM

All your pigs' balls are belong to us...

[Snowy]

This is funny! Pigs are very smart and do not deserve the dirty reputation that they currently have. They are very clean animals if left to their own devices. This of the marketing opportunities! You have 'free range chicken', and now you can buy 'happy ham'!

[Rain-maker]

Playtime before slaughter? Methinks the Belgians beer has been spiked.

[DuncanWaring]

I actually read a brief article in a trade magazine, possibly "Machine Design", roughly 15 years ago, about someone who had come up with a ball intended specifically for this purpose.

It was some sort of semi-rigid plastic, with a removable plug allowing the ball to be filled with either water or sand.

[Snowy]

This=Think

[mg39]

This is the right thing to do. Pigs are more intelligent than dogs. There is no excuse not to treat them humanely, especially before they are killed to feed people.

[Linwood]

Brought to you by the same geniuses who think we should sing kumbayah with the budding Hitler of the Middle East, because some of the oppressed people in his country (who would dearly love to be rid of him) might get hurt if we don't...

[MadIvan]

It's not the April 1 edition, so I dare say it's true. But you know, bureaucrats don't live in the real world. Euro-bureaucrats obviously have one too many drinks at lunch.

Regards, Ivan

[martianagent]

Sounds like a reasonable scheme for dealing with democrats...

[momofsixgirls]

Is this what is wrong with Sadam? He needs more balls to play with? (Thick sarcasm)

[Tacis]

"Why all our pigs are having a ball"

This is a truly offensive headline!! Sure, many Belgian women are good looks deprived, but that is not reason to call them ALL pigs.

I don't know. Putting a ball in the pigsty might lead to excesive competition that could lead to violence.

To amuse the pigs, it would be much better to tell farcical anecdotes about the integrity, intelegence, and bribeability of Eurinal politicians and bureaucrats and the mistresses that they keep.

[elbucko]

It seems as if Title IX has been extended to the U.K.

[-YYZ-]

I tend to agree. Some people here seem to think that treating livestock any better than inanimate objects is a complete cave-in to the PETA crowd. Me, I'd just like to think that my supper was treated humanely when it was still alive.

Speaking of pigs, something I've noticed that bothers me is the pigs being trucked to the slaughterhouse just down the road. Now the fact that these pigs are experiencing their last few hours before death is a little disquieting (face it, most of us do not see much connection between our meat and the animals they come), but I can live with it. What does bother me is seeing pigs being transported in metal-sided trailers (with lots of openings to the air) in -20C (-5 F) temperatures. I understand pigs need heated accomodations at those kind of temperatures, so I'm guessing they probably suffer some (more than usual) discomfort being transported in such temperatures.

[OXENinFLA]

Pardon me while I pick my JAW up off the floor.

[Right Wing Professor]

You win a few....

You lose a few.

[mg39]

I agree completely. If people treated dogs and cats that way, they'd be thrown in prison, and rightly so.