Short History of Modern Germany

GermanBabies

[evolved_rage]

Hey, what about:

2000 All of Germany turns gay

[evolved_rage]

2004 Scientists suspect even France could kick Germany's a$$.

[GermanBabies]

LOL, I will research when the Germans turned gay.

[Leisler]

So, after 58 years, the French have decided that they prefer Vichy after all. It's hardly surprising. When the Vichy regime was in power, one could pretty much do what one wanted when it came to those troublesome Jews. Yes, there were shortages and lots of Germans around, but that's not much different from the present. Plus, just like today, the truly intellectual could take pride in the notion that they were part of something larger than a piddling little nation state. And really, "Liberté, égalité, fraternité!" is just so passe. Vichy knew that too, which is why they were replaced with Travail (work), Famille (family), and Patrie (fatherland).

Not that those are any better. The modern Vichian motto might as well be ignorez, retarde, apaisez. Ignore, delay and appease describe the French character as well as anything else, excepts perhaps "Unions, Vacations and Occasional Showers!".

You can hardly blame the French. France is example number one when comes to natural selection of a nation's character.

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots
Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
The Dutch War - Tied
War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Let's face it. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. There's no national anthem in the world as ludicrous as France's

To arms, to arms, ye brave!
Th'avenging sword unsheathe!
March on, march on, all hearts resolved
On liberty or death.

Oh liberty can man resign thee,
Once having felt thy gen'rous flame?
Can dungeons, bolts, and bar confine thee?
Or whips thy noble spirit tame?

Can dungeons, bolts, and bar confine thee? Or whips thy noble spirit tame? Yes, demonstrably. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

You should keep that in mind, Herr Schroeder.

[Jeff Chandler]

Nice post for a newbie.

Sie sind willkommen zum Forum.

[Fiddlstix]

Good Post J

[ggekko]

Germns turning gay was coincident with the release of the movie version of "Cabaret" (1976).

It excited long lost memories of the fabulous Weimar years.

[GermanBabies]

that's what i thought

[Caipirabob]

ROTFL!

Welcome aboard!

[MadIvan]

You forgot -

1998: Eric Cartman invents the "Little German Dance".

Regards, Ivan

[Spandau]

The condensed short history of modern Germany

In the beginning was the word...

[GermanBabies]

Is it possible to have left-wing fascist? If so, that seems to be where Germany is going now.

[FreedomPoster]

Fascism was always leftist. Leftism and state control are synonymous. Nazi = National Socialism = Socialist.

It's just that the Socialists/Communists in the West wanted to define the Nazis as something other than their ideological neighbors.

[weikel]

1914 - Germany starts World War I
1914-1918 - Germany kills millions upon millions of people.
1917 - Germany force peace loving Americans to enter war.
1918 - Germany loses World War I

1st Germany did not start WWI it started when Russia decided to protect the Serbs from the consequences of harboring terrorist groups. Then the French wouldn't declare there commitment to neutrality making it clear that if the Wehrmarcht moved east they were going to attempt a grab of Alsace-Lorraine. Britain got involved when Belgium, which Britain always worries about historically was invaded( the Kaiser did stupidly decide to build a fleet, shoulda listened to Bismarck and kept on good terms with the British).

In WWII Germany was bad no question about it, but America was on the wrong side of WWI. Imperial Germany was not an evil society, it was in fact a light to the world and no they were not the agressor. We'd have no problems with Germany today, or communism, or the Arabs, Hitler would have never come to power and the holocaust wouldn't have occured etc if Germany won WWI. That communist Wilson should have just left the frogs to fold and die.

[evolved_rage]

Sorry, I just think Gerhard Schroeder is a turd, kind of on a par with the scum we have and the idiots who vote for Tom Daschle, Hitlery, Boxer, Feinswine, Davis .....

[SAMWolf]

French Army to Market 'Ultimate Surrender' Video Game

Paris - Inspired by the commercial success of the United States Army’s "Boot Camp" video game, the General Staff of the French Army has announced plans to market "Ultimate Surrender," a video game based upon the proud military traditions of the Gauls.

In the game we follow the exploits of Lucky Pierre, an apprentice garlic salesman from Marseilles, as he joins the French Army and begins a rigorous course of combat training.

The First Level of the game is called "Survival School," and the players have to help Lucky Pierre survive 24 hours without red wine or crème brulé.

The Second Level is "Capitulation," and the goal here is to see which player can have Lucky Pierre surrender the fastest without firing a shot or getting his uniform dirty.

Level Three is "Collaboration." Here the players battle to see who can collect the largest numbers of pairs of nylon stockings and packages of chocolates by having Lucky Pierre perform sexual favors for members of the occupying forces.

Level Four is "Be Ungrateful to America for Rescuing Your Sorry French Ass Once Again." In this extremely challenging part of the game contestants vie with one another to see who can make Lucky Pierre behave in the surliest manner when the United States inevitably comes to the rescue of the defeated French.

The Final Level is "Pretending to Have Been in the Resistance." Here contestants compete in a battle of tall tales and whoppers as they try to protect Lucky Pierre from treason charges.

Marketing tests show that "Ultimate Surrender" is a big hit with French teenagers and young adults who are too young to have experienced France’s lightening surrender to the Germans in 1940 or its defeat by the Vietnamese in 1954 at Dien Bien Phu. "Zees is a great tool to inspire ze patriotism in ze youths, n’est ce pas?" said General Jean-Jacques Loseur, Commander-in-Chief of the French Army, during his weekly press conference. "Since ze end of ze Cold War we French have not had many opportunities to surrender or to show great cowardice in the face of much weaker opponents."

When questioned about comments made in the French Chamber of Deputies that "Ultimate Surrender" makes the French Army look like a bunch of gutless mama’s boys, General Loseur pulled out a white handkerchief, put his hands over his head and said, "Oh heck, I give up."

[Hacksaw]

2004 Scientists suspect even France could kick Germany's a$$.

Reminds me of a joke:

Why are the streets of Paris lined with trees?

So the Wermacht can march in the shade.

[Goetz_von_Berlichingen]

I refuse to try to educate every anti-German idiot on FR who learned history from Marvel Comics and re-runs of F-Troop. Have fun.

Just to put in context what kind of person you're dealing with consider this part of the time-line:
"1999 - American's lead air war to save Kosovo as Germans watch from the sidelines."

So the U.S. attacks explicitly civilian targets in a Christian country, without a declaration of war, in support of an Islamic militant organisation -- the KLA -- that had been acknowledged previously by the CIA to be involved in organised crime and terrorism. All of this was caried out after trumping up genocide charges (later disproven quietly) against Serbia, charges that sounded eerily similar to accusations made against the German Imperial army in Belgium (admitted to have been fabricated 50 years after the fact) and which recall more recent "atrocity" stories that were spread about the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, and disproven within one year of the Gulf War.

At least the government doesn't have to spend money on a Propaganda Ministry when the civilian population is so chock full of gullible jingoists who are willing to support any international aggression as long as it's American bombs and missiles doing the killing.

Every time some flag-waving maniac gets the bug for international adventurism, one phrase comes to mind, "Remember the Maine."

[William McKinley]

Is there any other kind?