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FreeRepublic , LLC PO BOX 9771 FRESNO, CA 93794
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Posted on 01/15/2003 5:33:01 PM PST by PJ-Comix
We be the Gorrem. For many, many years we searches for the precious. So beautiful it is with gleaming white columns sitting there on Pennsylvania Avenue. So bright, so wonderful, our precious. We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. But the Supreme Court stole it from us.
Yes, we be the Gorrem hiding here near Helms Deep…or is it in Deep Shit? No matter. We had the precious stolen from us in 2000 and we MUST have it!
Okay, this is Al Gore again. Sorry for that little relapse to my Gorrem persona there but it has been happening more and more frequently since November 2000. I'm okay as long as I don't fixate on the fact that I should have been in my PRECIOUS White House had I not been short only 537 lousy STINKING Florida votes. Just think of that; all my life ever fiber of my being was directed at the sole object of becoming President and I fall shy of my goal by just the narrowest of margins. MUST have the precious! GOTTA have the precious! ALMOST had the precious!
Oops! I just had a Gorrem relapse there but you see the internal battle I am constantly engaged in. So now that I am back in my Al Gore mode, on with the movie review!
The Two Towers, was a VAST improvement over The Fellowship Of The Ring. The first installment of The Lord Of The Rings was mainly boring. The Hobbits and their companions kept moving from one place to another, whacked Orcs, and then moved on again. YAWN!
So going into The Two Towers I wasn't expecting much but was pleasantly surprised. The Two Towers kept up my interest and didn't have the sappiness of the first flick. Sorry if I don't find Hobbits cute but in the Fellowship Of The Ring they were somewhat annoying. The one thing that really distinguishes Hobbits in addition to their short stature is their big hairy feet which director Peter Jackson did his best to avoid highlighting. I can't say I blame him much since not only do those big Hobbit feet look really ugly but they also stink like hell. Try walking around barefoot all the time and your feet will soon smell like raw sewage. Fortunately the Lord Of The Rings audiences don't have to smell Hobbit foot stench or they would have upchucked into their buckets of buttered popcorn.
My favorite character in The Two Towers is the Gullum. I loved the duality of his character struggling with himself. It sort of reminds me of my own internal battles as the Gorrem. The performance of the Gollum was so good that he outshined those of the human actors, although Gimli the Dwarf was great in his role. In fact, the only character who gave the Gollum much competition in the thespian category was another CGI character, Treebeard, a member of the walking tree race of Ents. Initially Treebeard and his fellow Ents are Isolationists but are eventually converted into Interventionists in the war against Mordor because of the destruction of the forest.
The unique voices of both the Gollum and Treebeard add a lot of dimension to their characters. The big question will be if Gollum or Treebeard will qualify to be nominated for Best Supporting Actors on Oscar night. Maybe there should be a new category called Best Supporting CGI Critter. At this point I suggest they both take out ads in the Daily Variety to promote their Academy Awards prospects.
I can't tell you how closely the movie is following the book. Just about all my fellow students at Harvard read the Lord Of The Rings but at that time I was already focused on becoming president rather than reading fairy tales. Plus I couldn't relate to how a ring of power could exert such a pull on the people and critters of Middle Earth. I thought it was a ridiculous concept that a ring of power could also be cause the corruption of all who seek it.
No, I was preoccupied by my pretty precious. We be doing anything to get our precious. No controlling legal authority will keep me from my precious. We will break any and all campaign finance rules to have our pretty precious. `
So you see, a fable about a corrupting ring of power just doesn't have anything to do with my situation in which I devoted all my energies and thoughts 24/7 to becoming president one day.
Oh, you think I've given up my goal? Just because I dropped out of the presidential race? Ever hear of a DRAFT? That's just what's going to happen when all the Democrat candidates jumping into the race in my wake cancel each other out.
Joe Lieberman? He just announced but will a candidate that looks like a Muppet and sounds like a constipated Elmer Fudd really be nominated?
John Kerry? A Frankenstein Monster lookalike with a JFK hair helmet. Plus I don't think America is ready for a First Lady wearing a Straight Jacket as her Inaugural Ball dress.
Richard Gephardt? He looks like some caricaturist erased his features…along with his personality.
Howard Dean? Who?
John Edwards? Actually the one candidate who might have a chance because he is the Clintons' front man. Poor Johnny, however, is so politically unskilled that he let the cat out of the bag in a recent interview on CNN's Inside Politics program. After happily boasting about how he frequently consults with Bill Clinton, he suddenly realized his error and tried to do an awkward 180 in mid- interview and pretended that Clinton has no influence on him. The fact is that the Clintons have already gotten Edwards to enter into a Faustian bargain with them. They will support him for nomination if he will choose Hillary as his Veep candidate in their quest for the Pretty Precious, oops, I mean the White House.
Al Sharpton? The one man who can ruin the plans of the Edwards-Clinton alliance. Sharpton is unpredictable and has the ability to send the Edwards campaign crashing in flames. He has already asked Edwards to name one "regular person" that he helped where he didn't make a pile of dough. So while Edwards is the Clintons secret weapon, Sharpton is my unwitting ally. No way the Democrats will nominate Sharpton if he goes into the convention with the most primary votes. Out of desperation, YOURS TRULY would be drafted as a suitable replacement. One Al helping another Al.
Oh, and now even Bob Graham of Florida is making presidential candidate sounds. Check out his recent quirky notebook entry about a breakfast meeting he had with Warren Buffett and you decide if this whacko is destined to become President or a latter day Samuel Pepys:
8:25---Met Buffett for a buffet breakfast.
8:30---Loaded my plate with two omlets, 5 sausage links, 4 strips of bacon, 3 pancakes, hash browns.
8:32---Poured maple syrup on my pancakes. (Was it REAL maple syrup or that sugary knockoff crap?)
8:40---Discussed how to deal with the nation's economy with Buffett.
8:50---Loaded up my plate again with seconds but this time took grits instead of hash browns.
9:02---Hit Warren up for some campaign bucks.
9:05---Ate two donuts with my coffee.
9:10---Warren picks up the tab for breakfast.
9:11---BURP!
All I can promise you in the coming year is a hell of a lot of ENTERTAINMENT. Not only will the Democrat debates be the best comedy show on the tube but also I am looking forward to the third installment of Lord Of The Rings. As for the current chapter, The Two Towers, on my Chad Rating Scale of one to ten chads with ten chads being best, I give The Two Towers nine and a half chads. This movie might have even earned a perfect ten chads but I docked it half a chad because there is something wrong when CGI critters actually deliver better performances than the human actors.
We be the Gorrem, oops, I mean the NEW Al Gore keepin' it real here in Middle Earth with this review.
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FreeRepublic , LLC PO BOX 9771 FRESNO, CA 93794
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Even tough Mrs. Heinz keeps the cojones of her least favorite husband stored away in a lockbox, she does let him take them out long enough on occasion for him to run.... But he definitely won't win, ESPECIALLY since he hasn't make the Faustian bargain with the Clintonistas that Edwards has.
Another outstanding review by the Goron, PJ!
He does remind me of Gollum with his fixation on the Precious, not to mention, the split personalities! LOL!
The difference is, I actually feel sorry for Gollum.
Will you be attending the Gollum's post-Oscar celebration party?
I've got to rush out of here, but I'll see you around the forum!
Keep up the good work, my Precioussssss!
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