Ms. Leo's Crystal Ball -- Predictions for 2003

As 2002 was drawing to a close and I prepared to celebrate the birth of a new year with friends and family, I decided that it would be nice to know what to expect in the coming months. I?ve never been one for psychics, but I thought, what the heck. It could be fun to get a jump on fate and peek into the future. So, I made a list of questions, then sought out that most famous of mediums, friend to insomniacs everywhere, Miss Cleo.

Unfortunately, I could not find Miss Cleo (she was either doing time in a New Jersey penitentiary or running a guava telemarketing scam out of a walkup in Brooklyn, depending on who you asked). But luckily, I ran into another kindly mystic, Ms. Leo, who was nice enough, once I slipped her a fiver, to peer into her crystal ball and tell me what the coming year would have in store....................

More 2003 Predictions:

Janet Reno will "out" Hillary Clinton and reveal that they had a "glorious" eight-year fling while Ms. Reno was attoreny general.

Hillary Clinton will arrange for Janet Reno's cat to be hit by a car and for some very scary ex-CIA assassins to pay Janet a 3 A.M. visit.

Michael Jackson will be abducted by aliens and forcibly returned to his home planet.

Al Gore will grow a beard.

Al Gore will shave his beard.

Tipper Gore will divorce Al because "he's become such a putz!"

Fin's Fearless Forecast For '03...

Al Gore will claim he was robbed in the 2000 election.
Hilary Clinton will get her long-awaited sex-change operation and become a female.
Countless Hollywood celebrities will continue to demonstrate their ignorance. No one will notice.
Fintan will meet, date and marry Britney Spears. They will live happily ever after.
Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Spike Lee will make vicious, hateful, and racist remarks on a daily basis. The media will not report these remarks.
Katie Couric will lick a Democrat's, any Democrat's feet on national TV.
PBS will produce and air a "documentary" on Mohammed that will portray him as a really swell guy and Islam as the only religion in the world worthy of respect because it's a very peaceful, loving and all-embracing faith. Hey...wait a minute: That was last year...
Chelsea Clinton will get 'faced, tattoed and 27 body piercings. People magazine will publish a special commemorative issue to celebrate what a stunningly beautiful, intelligent and classy young woman she's turned out to be.
The State of California will change its state flag to the hammer & sickle. Massachusetts, Washington State and Oregon will protest, claiming they had the idea first.
Smoking in public will be punishable by firing squad.

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