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George Bailey Found Dead, Suicide Suspected
movementarian ^
Posted on 12/09/2002 7:10:58 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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BEDFORD FALLS - Local entrepreneur George Bailey was found dead this morning, washed up on the bank of the river. Preliminary toxicology results show that he had a blood-alcohol content of .1%, which is higher than the legally allowed .08%. This may have contributed to his deciding to jump off of the bridge. Bailey, a well-known local businessman, and all around doormat is survived by his wife and four children.
Bailey, now deceased.
Widow, Mary Bailey told reporters, George was very upset with his uncle for misplacing a large amount of money, as well as his general inability to make the Bedford Building and Loan into a profitable business. George was such a kind soul, he even sacrificed his own dreams and money to send his brother to college.
Bedford Falls self-made millionaire, Sam Wainwright also fondly remembered his high-school chum, George. Hee-Haw, Im really going to miss ol George. I think he was mighty upset and regretted his decision not to jump in on the ground floor of my plastics business. Its a darn shame.
It turns out that there is no end to the people who were shocked at hearing that George Bailey had tragically killed himself. After multiple testimonies and personal benedictions, it became evident that much of Baileys popularity was due to his almost superhuman ability to sacrifice himself for a cause without expecting anything in return. His latest adventure into altruism pushed his business on the verge of total failure in order to please the people of Bedford Falls.
Local taxi driver Bert lamented that George would do anything for anybody. He never cared about himself. Heck, he sacrificed his dreams and humanity for most of the people in this town.
In fact, only one person in town, Mr. Potter, a cartoonishly evil businessman in the classic style of the 1920s Plutocrats, had the only negative comment about George's demise. George Bailey kept me from owning and running this town lock, stock, and barrel. Now that hes gone I can take action to shut down his puny building and loan company along with all the other inefficient businesses here. It has been a thorn in my side for far too long. I think I'll burn down some trees to, to celebrate -- maybe even a big spruce.
It is quite obvious that the mewling throngs of Bedford Falls will sorely miss the self-sacrificing George Bailey. If an honest and charitable man like George cannot make it in this cruel world, who can? |
TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
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To: Shooter 2.5
Actually, the marquee said "Watch the Skies", which was the original working title for "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" back when John Sayles was working on the script. The Sayles version had the ET's coming to earth to catch and eat people, much like that old "Twilight Zone" episode. That script ended up in the shredder and was replaced by the bliss-out script that made "Close Encounters" my favorite film.
The other title on the marquee was "A Boy's Life", which was the original working title for "ET, the Extra-Terrestrial".
61
posted on
12/09/2002 10:12:40 AM PST
by
Publius
To: Publius
Do they still serve "Mulled Wine"?
To: Sir Gawain
Clarence can do it.
63
posted on
12/09/2002 10:30:23 AM PST
by
B4Ranch
To: Aquinasfan
a toad in her egg nog. LOL!
64
posted on
12/09/2002 10:34:43 AM PST
by
r9etb
To: Publius
Thanks for the correction. I love little bits of trivial like that.
To: Sir Gawain
It has to be foul-play.
There is no way that anyone who sleeps with Donna Reed would EVER commit suicide.
66
posted on
12/09/2002 11:21:57 AM PST
by
muleboy
To: princess leah
Mary should have married Sam Wainwright! In case you are being serious and not facetious, Sam Wainwright was no longer interested in Mary, and vice versa.
Because Mary had never really made a play for George despite her secret drugstore counter declaration that she would "love [George] until the day [he died]", no one but George's mother had the notion that Mary's heart was tied to George, and not Sam. Cementing in George's mind that Mary was Sam's girl was his jealousy of Sam's continuing success, and his feeling that he couldn't be with "the prettiest girl in town" being only what he was.
George missed what he thought was his only opportunity to complete a forward pass at Mary the night of Harry's graduation party (the swimming pool incident), when the news of Peter Bailey's stroke took him away from that "very interesting situation" (we'll never know the details of that "deal" George wanted to make with Mary to return that robe). After that night, in George's mind, she returned to Sam's stable before she away to college, and he was too busy holding the Building and Loan together to pitch woo to Mary long distance.
Years later, another party for Harry was held, this one to celebrate Harry's return home, graduation from college, his secret marriage, and new job. Jealous George, drooping under the weight of the B&L and now constantly reminded of the huge void in his love life, was told by his mother to visit the newly-returned Mary. But rather than go to the Hatch house, confess his love, and be humiliated by "Sam's girl," George walked the streets and was propositioned by town floozy Violet Bick (who had carried an unrequited torch for George since they were grade schoolers), but his relatively wholesome version of wild abandonment was too fanciful for her.
George wandered over to Mary's house, where Mary was waiting and ready, thanks to Mrs. Bailey's call. Mrs. Hatch (Mary's mother) was eagerly anticipating a promised call to Mary from Sam, and was aghast that George was in the house, possibly standing in Sam's way.
Remember when Sam finally called, how Mary raised her voice in greeting him, hoping she'd make George jealous? Sam playfully suggested that George was "trying to steal my girl" meaning Mary. Of course, all the while on the other end of the line, Sam was being lovingly embraced by the brunette beauty that he would eventually marry.
In the words of George, "Am I talking too much?" I will stand by and let Mary tell the story herself:
GEORGE: Mary Hatch, why in the world did you ever marry a guy like me? MARY: To keep from being an old maid.
GEORGE: You could have married Sam Wainwright or anybody else in town.
MARY: I didn't want to marry anybody else in town. I want my baby to look like you.
To: Sir Gawain
Authorities continue to investigate rumors that Bailey was murdered by the husband of a local school teacher who assaulted him previously in a Bedford Falls tavern....
68
posted on
12/09/2002 12:17:08 PM PST
by
tracer
To: Diverdogz
"Harry Potter pushed him! ...maybe that is Henry Potter."
Horsefeathers!!
69
posted on
12/09/2002 12:18:51 PM PST
by
tracer
To: paulklenk
I do believe he killed Buckwheat. Definitely. That's all he talked about....
70
posted on
12/09/2002 12:24:10 PM PST
by
tracer
To: Sir Gawain
Although I consider suicide to be a cowardly act, it should be noted that George's consideration of it wasn't due to self-pity as much as it was the evil Potter's words as George was reduced to offering the equity in his life insurance policy as security for an $8000 loan: "Why, you're worth more dead than alive!"
To: Sir Gawain
Sorry to hear that.
To: Sir Gawain
This reminds me of a former radio talk show host in New York named Jay Diamond, who did an on-air parody one night called "It's A Miserable Life," in which Al Sharpton is visited by his guardian angel, who shows him how wonderful the world would be if he had never been born.
What made it so hilarious was that Diamond could do a perfect on-air imitation of almost any public figure. In addition to Al Sharpton playing the George Bailey role, he had former New York mayor Ed Koch filling in as Clarence, Ross Perot as Martini, former New York governor Mario Cuomo as the Italian bartender Nick, etc.
To: Sir Gawain
Huh. It never occurred to be until I read this take on the Frank Capra classic: in a backhanded way, "It's A Wonderful Life" is the businessman's version of 'Shane.' Except Shane "comes back."
74
posted on
12/09/2002 11:34:34 PM PST
by
BradyLS
To: kjam22
Henry F. PotterOdd that he never mentioned his brother, Sherman T. Potter.
75
posted on
12/09/2002 11:41:00 PM PST
by
BradyLS
To: muleboy
There is no way that anyone who sleeps with Donna Reed would EVER commit suicide.Hear, hear...
76
posted on
12/09/2002 11:44:04 PM PST
by
BradyLS
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