Pulp Radio: The calculated crassness of Portland's morning airwaves

Willamette Week ^ | 12/5/2002 | Zach Dundas

[ex-Texan]

Pulp Radio: The calculated crassness of Portland's morning airwaves

by ZACH DUNDAS

Good morning. Today we're talking about vibrators.

Good morning. Today we're taste-testing edible underwear.

Good morning. Today we're sharing bank-robbery tips.

By reputation, Portland is a goody two-shoes town. People thank their bus drivers just for getting them where they're going. Land-use planning is considered interesting. An afternoon of browsing the Powell's Blue Room passes for a red-hot date.

That may be true, but it's also false.

You don't have to look hard to find the Portland where strip clubs sprout like mushrooms and pro ball players enjoy intoxicants at high speed. For a true cruise of Portland's crass side, however, a trip down the FM dial between 6 am and 10 am beats any visit to the Dancin' Bare. On the public airwaves, you'll find jokes that would shock Lenny Bruce and scatological stupid human tricks that call natural selection into question.

In radio, morning matters most--more people listen between 6 and 7 am than at any other time of day. The fight for bleary-eyed listeners is a Darwinian battle. Millions of dollars are at stake. The gloves are off.

"There are other people who want to make it a personal battle," says Z100 morning host Chet Buchanan. "I don't really see it that way, but between 6 and 10 in the morning--when we're between the lines, so to speak--I want to take you out as much as you want to take me out. We're all trying to do the same thing."

At least since Howard Stern first picked up a mike, morning drive-time radio has pushed the edge of acceptability. But recently, local stations have cranked up the volume on sex and outrageousness in their quest for bigger slivers of the ratings pie.

Some say the frenzy of buyouts that created a handful of massive national radio chains in the '90s plays a role. Others say the trend is due to a nation of imitators dittoheading Stern. Or maybe it's just the pressures of a media environment offering more distractions by the day.

One thing's for sure: If you're after a certain kind of radio audience in 2002, doin' it nasty works like crazy.

"I would say the envelope has been pushed," says Les Sarnoff, longtime host of KINK-FM's successful--and relatively tame--morning show. "The line has been blurred over the years, and it's almost as if some stations crossed into the dark zone. Ten years ago, there would have been protests in front of stations for some of the things that go on today, and you just won't see that happen anymore."

CHAOS BRINGER: Scooter (foreground) adds such stunts as urine-slurping and strip trivia to the naughty Playhouse mix.

Good morning. Today's topic: the flavor of male ejaculate.

Good morning. Today we're playing strip trivia on the Hawthorne Bridge.

Good morning. Today we're drinking urine.

"I just took the biggest crap ever. I feel 20 pounds lighter...You know when you take that crap and you're like, 'Golly, I feel better'? It was like SoftServe."

Morning radio isn't all a madhouse--far from it. Portland's top-rated morning shows include such anodyne fare as KUPL's countrified "Waking Crew," KKSN's "fun oldies" and Sarnoff's venerable show.

But then there's the surreally wacky (KNRK), the shows flirting with the bounds of sanity (Z100), and those that just blast right through them, pedal to the floor and caution to the wind (Jammin 95.5). And, of course, there's King Howard himself, imported by KUFO. These stations provide Portland with rambling sex anecdotes, stream-of-consciousness pop-culture commentary, prank phone calls and talk of "pink tacos." It's no coincidence they're overheated--they're after a certain audience, and they're doing what conventional wisdom, market research and ratings all say works.

[Continue to read this expose of the dirty underside of early morning radio in the left coast Mecca aka Portland, Oregon]

[ex-Texan]

This is the Front Page Feature of the week, ergo "Front Page News."

[FReepaholic]

We have so-called "family time" on TV and the "V-chip", but a child can turn on the radio at any hour and find this filth.

Whatever happened to the FCC???

[moyden]

I hate to admit it, but I listen to NPR in the mornings. It's liberal, but clean.

[norraad]

I like the ref. to Lenny Bruce, he would be a welcome voice of respectability compared to most of what passes as radio talk.

He likely would have thrived in the radio market today. I know I would enjoy his take on all this.