Top 10 Signs Canada is Palestine in the Pines

My head | 26 Nov 2002 | chookter

[Cogadh na Sith]

Top 10 signs that Canada has become Palestine in the Pines:

10. Back-bacon is ruled halal.

9. They change the name to Al Q'uranada.

8. Firing AK-47's in the air when the Habs win.

7. Tablecloths instead of toques.

6. Strippers in Vancouver clubs wear burkhas.

5. Opium starts outselling Moosehead.

4. Mmmmmm, pea-soup flavored cous-cous.

3. 'Quebec' now pronounced 'Qaeda'.

2. "There is no God but Allah, Eh?"

And the number one reason Canada is Palestine in the Pines:

1. That's not a moose, that's a camel with antlers!

[Cogadh na Sith]

You won't be seeing this on Letterman.

[Cogadh na Sith]

bump, eh.

[per loin]

Except for #2, these lack enough up-snuff to make the Letterman show.

[Cogadh na Sith]

This'll get your moose.

[xp38]

Of course not Paul would be deeply offended on many levels. :)

[Cogadh na Sith]

His real name is Paul bin Sheaffer al Mohammed Skyhook.

[dead]

They've flooded our country with those fat flying rats they call geese.

That makes them terrorists in my book.

[mc5cents]

They've flooded our country with those fat flying rats they call geese.

Not to mention all that Canadian Cold Air© which they send down every year over the Great Lakes which turns into snow which lands almost exclusively in my driveway!

[xp38]

[Snowyman]

CANADIAN TEMPERATURE CONVERSION CHART
(All temperatures in Fahrenheit and Celsius)

70 ABOVE (21 C)
*Texans turn on the heat and unpack the thermal underwear.
*People in Canada go swimming in the Lakes.

60 ABOVE (16 C)
*North Carolinians try to turn on the heat.
*People in Canada plant gardens.

50 ABOVE (10 C)
*Californian's shiver uncontrollably.
*People in Canada sunbathe.

40 ABOVE (5 C)
*Italian and English cars won't start.
*People in Canada drive with the windows down.

32 ABOVE (0 C)
*Distilled water freezes.
*Lake Superior's water gets thicker.

20 ABOVE (-6 C)
*Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and woolly hats.
*People in Canada throw on a flannel shirt.

15 ABOVE (-9.4 C)
*Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat.
*People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.

0 DEGREES ( -17.8 C)
*People in Miami all die........
*Canadians lick the flagpole.

20 BELOW (-28.9 C)
*Californians fly away to Mexico
*People in Canada get out their winter coats.

40 BELOW (-40 C)
*Hollywood disintegrates.
*The Girl Guides of Canada are selling cookies door to door.

60 BELOW (-51.1 C)
*Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic.
*Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets
cold enough.

80 BELOW (-62.2 C)
*Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
*People in Canada rent some videos.

100 BELOW (-73.3)
*Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
*Canadians get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

297 BELOW (-128.8 C)
*Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products.
*Cows in Canada complain about farmers with cold hands.

460 BELOW (-273.3 C)
*ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero in the Kelvin scale).
*People in Canada start saying, "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

500 BELOW (295.7 C)
*Hell freezes over.
*The Americans win a gold medal in hockey

[schaketo]

Did you hear about the Canadian Arab sympatico who pulled a 7 pound booger out of his nose ? His brain collapsed.

[xp38]

[mitchbert]

I like that.

[Cogadh na Sith]

That's funny--bump for Al Q'uranada

[IvanT]

Oh dear. We're not that bad with the Middle easterners. Christ almighty, we're not Syria north you know. Don't forget, all those terrorists were training in your flight schools for years, so if we have a problem, I'd say it's no worse than the problem in the U.S. That said, I'm in Toronto, and I can safely tell you that there has been a huge joint RCMP-FBI presence up here since 9/11. They're working on it.

[IvanT]

By CURT ANDERSON, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON (AP) - Visas were issued to 105 foreign men who should have been prevented from entering the United States because their names appeared on government lists of suspected terrorists, congressional investigators have found.


The visas have been revoked by the State Department. A federal law enforcement official, speaking Tuesday on condition of anonymity, said the revocation prevented 100 of the men from entering the United States, while three others were turned away at the U.S. border. Two made it into the country but have since left without incident, the official said.


Officially, the Justice Department (news - web sites) said it was reviewing the matter "to verify the status of each of the visas in question."


Under a security system first created in November 2001 called "Visas Condor," State Department applications for visas to enter the United States from certain national groups were to be checked against possible terrorist names in FBI (news - web sites) and CIA (news - web sites) databases. Men in these groups between 16 and 45 had to wait up to 30 days for the check before a visa could be issued.


However, the GAO found, until recently the name check system did not work properly as responsibility it shifted between the Justice Department and FBI, the CIA, the State Department and the multiagency Foreign Terrorist Tracking Task Force formed by President Bush (news - web sites) in October 2001.


Few names initially forwarded by the State Department , known as "cables," were checked by either the CIA or FBI, congressional investigators said.


By April 2002, when the terror task force assumed control of the system, the FBI had a backlog of some 8,000 unchecked names from the State Department. Of the 38,000 "Condor" applications subsequently processed through Aug. 1, 2002, about 280 names turned up on the anti-terrorism lists.


The State Department was given a refusal recommendation for 200 visa applicants, but that came after the 30-day hold had expired — meaning the visas had already been issued. Because of misspelled or duplicate names, GAO officials now believe these visas were actually issued to about 105 men whose names appear on the anti-terror lists.


In many cases, U.S. officials say the refusal recommendation was made simply because there wasn't enough information available about the applicant. But it remains possible that some of the men had real terrorist connections.


Much of the information about the situation was made public last month in a GAO report addressing broader visa questions, but it was largely overlooked. The Chicago Tribune reported on the matter in Tuesday's editions.


Justice Department officials had no immediate comment Tuesday, but in a response to the GAO report a senior official said the FBI and the terror task force have taken steps to eliminate the backlog of names and work more closely with the State Department on streamlining the process.

Under another change made in September, the FBI has initial authority to check the names, then forwards those with a possible match to the State Department — which then has the CIA do another screening for terrorist connections.

"We are confident that our handling of Condor cables will remain responsive and timely, without sacrificing security," wrote Robert Diegelman, acting assistant attorney general for administration.

State Department officials hope to reduce review time for the Condor applications for those with no FBI records to 10 days or less.

[Cogadh na Sith]

shameless self bump