|
.
.
Tomorrow has come again. Well, tomorrow will let us know whether those grandmas in Palm Beach can vote correctly in an election. I'm not holding my breath, are you? Anyways, I just wanted to help any Democratic voter with voting. First, R stands for Republican, D stands for Dumbass, L stands for Libertarian. (MoJo suggests voting Republican) Second, it is important to understand these following words: Please vote only ONCE. It is ILLEGAL to vote more than once. So? If you see Pedro, Jamar, Buckwheat, Thelma Lou, or anyone else hanging around the polling station, give them a dollar and give them a ride to WalMart. (MoJo is amused at how many people just go to WalMart because they are bored.) Third, knowing how to speak English is a plus. If you are confused about what to do, I'd suggest just (holding my breath) punching the R on the ballot. Fourth, don't forget that if you want Osama bin Laden to strike America again---vote Dumbass. If you want America to unleash, vote R for Republican. Fifth, if you want to save whales and trees and hate big corporations still vote R for Republican. Whales are big dumb fish, trees can be replanted, and big corporations give us great things like Pepsi, toilet paper, soap, and toothpaste. (MoJo mentions this because peaceniks seem to smell real bad. No wonder they always stir up riots. They stink) Sixth, if there are any measures on the ballots that is demanding that you give up your rights, send more money to your politician, or increase your taxes..VOTE NO! Why idiots in this country happily vote for tax increases is beyond me. Seventh, remember "DEAD PEOPLE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO VOTE". (MoJo realizes this is a toughy for you, but it is still illegal.) Eighth, people who aren't Americans are not allowed to vote. (Well, they can vote; but that is still ILLEGAL). Ninth, Peggy Sue's imaginary friend is not allowed to vote.( MoJo knows that her imaginary friend is probably really cool and smarter than the average voter, but laws are laws and she can't vote) Tenth, if you can't read a ballot in English...TOO BAD! (MoJo doesn't want any taxpayer dollars being spent to ensure that there are Creole language balloting..send me some food, but vote in English) Eleventh, (MoJo thinks this is important) If you are a female and feel this need to be needy or to demand more money from MoJo's pocket to help take care of Bebe's kids, SIT YOUR ASS AT HOME and DON"T VOTE! MoJo is not to blame for your need to spread your legs and pop out kids. Neither is anyone else in America. Just sit at home and look through the papers for a JOBBY JOB. It's alright! We don't mind if you actually work and do something useful for America. Twelfth, (On the twelfth day of Christmas..oops) Anyways, if you believe that you are a person born with a fabulous tan; it is okay to vote R for Republican. It is okay to vote differently than your grandma (sitting on her butt either raising Bebe's kids or complaining about white people), Aunt Know-It-All (Why is it that people with fabulous tans have the most annoying aunts in the world. They can't get a man to live with them, but the rest of the family is required to. WRONG), Uncle Complain All The Time (MoJo thinks it's amusing that the aunts and uncles in certain families just aren't allowed to marry each other. They are best suited for each other), the offsprings of the above mentioned. (MoJo would like to remind these offsprings that while voting is a right, it doesn't mean you have to take advantage of it. If you think voting D is okay, then sit at home and kick it with your boyz and girlz) Thirteenth, if you can't punch or hit a little hole to vote..I'd suggest not breeding. Actually, MoJo demands it!! Anyways, that's the voting guide tips for the Democratic voters too confused. Are we all squared away??
What do you call it when white people murder black people in America? A hate crime. What do you call black people murdering white people in America? Conspiracy against black people. So? Today was a victory for good old plain justice. Two brothers in Wichita, Kansas were found guilty of murdering four friends (Not their friends) who happened to be white. They have been charged with four counts of capital murder. Bravo! Of course, can you not hear the ACLU and the NAACP moaning about how unfair that they were being tried in Mighty Whitey Kansas? Well, don't plan on killing anyone in Kansas if you don't want to die. Sympathy to the Carr's mother. She will have lost 2 sons because of their evilness. For the rest of us, our streets have gotten a little safer.
Those "allies" of ours known as the Saudis have decided that we will not be permitted to use their bases against a war in Iraq. (As if anyone was surprised by this) Anyways, the Saudis are about as worthless as the French. So? The Saudi's don't want us to use their bases. Here's MoJo's take: Trash every base that we have set up there. (Take the damn toilets as well) Then remind the Saudi's that they need to return our jets as well. (Only allies can have them) Remind them that we will be pulling out and stopping anymore joint exercises with them. And when Osama bin Laden's men come and overthrow the royal family..we will not shed one tear. So? KISS OUR BUTT'S SAUDIA ARABIA!
The picture above is of Janet Reno. (MoJo thinks her sorry Parkinson's butt needs to be in jail) Anyways, she will be doing Playboy soon. (Yes, you read it correctly) Janet will be featured in Playboy. Hmmm...I wonder how many copies will be sold. Now before you gag all over yourself...we can only pray that Heffner will only want her interview and not actually nude poses of her. Can you imagine Janet Reno with a Playboy Bunny outfit? (MoJo's imagination CANNOT GO THERE! UGH) So? Headed to a store near you is Janet The PlayMate! (I'm sure you are all anxious to get your copy!! NOT)
The pictures above are of the Minogue sisters. Dannii and Kylie to be exact. As you can imagine, both are singers and actresses. Although, Kylie is more well known in the world as a singer. Anyways, while you are fighting the war against terrorists..Dannii is complaining about a few things. First, she's upset that her sister has a better "bum" than her. (Brit's say bum! We say BOOTY) Also, Dannii is worried that she will not be taken seriously in the business because she's blonde. (Is this an neverending sob story about being blonde in the world. GET OVER IT) However, she does tell the world that she absolutely loves her sister. (I hear about that kind of love on Jerry Springer all the time. They love each other so much that one of them backstabs the other to take everything. Gotta just shake your head) \ The "JACKASS"AWARD goes to the doctors that think we should allow obese children to have surgeries to decrease their stomach. MoJo wonders what a little exercise, eating right, and getting off their rear end could do for them? However, that's too darn logical and it's cruel. (Yes, it's cruel to make a child exercise in America. Thank you, ACLU. Jerks) Anyways, these doctors believe that it could help improve the way these "children feel about themselves". (MoJo guarantees that they don't care what they look like. They only care about how that candy is going to taste like going down.) Anyways, these guys deserve the JACKASS AWARD for making excuses for parents, other doctors, and kids. Only in America!
The Canteen Girlz would like to salute all of our military personnel and allies around the world. We SALUTE YOU!! Thank you for enduring the babbling of MoJo Thank You
|
OFF THE PRESS!
Good job, Kid, good job!