Pentagon to Test New Toys on Iraq

PRAVDA.Ru ^ | Oct, 09 2002 | Egor Belous

[Jasonconley]

America’s coming military campaign against Iraq definitely has the goal gaining possession of Iraqi oil. There are other objectives as well. America needs to test its new weapons. The military and technological advantage of the United States needs to continue to grow. Iraq will be the best testing ground. America’s defense department is doing its best to invent more lethal toys that will bring as much good as possible during another war in the Gulf.

[William McKinley]

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[Lil'freeper]

I'm very disappointed in Pravda. They didn't use a single exclamation mark in the entire article!

[rllngrk33]

According to the tone of the article there seems to be a problem with this. So what if we're the best and want to get better?

[isthisnickcool]

Darn! The Ruskies have us! Might as well fess up, eh?

Here is one of the secret weapons about to be deployed. The Holy Hand Grenade.

[r9etb]

The Holy Hand Grenade.

Tsk. It's the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.

ARTHUR:
How does it, um-- how does it work?

LAUNCELOT:
I know not, my liege.

ARTHUR:
Consult the Book of Armaments!

BROTHER MAYNARD:
Armaments, chapter two, verses nine to twenty-one.

SECOND BROTHER:
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that, with it, Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy.'

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--

MAYNARD:
Skip a bit, Brother.

SECOND BROTHER:
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'

MAYNARD:
Amen.

[hgro]

Lets have another Vodka comrade.

[isthisnickcool]

Reading the Book of Armaments

See here for more images.

[robertpaulsen]

The older the boys, the more expensive the toys.

[taxcontrol]

Oh ohh, I wanta play!!!!

[Erasmus]

I think that in their English language writings they're slowly acquiring idiomatic diction; or more precisely, the diction of the American press.

But it's going to take a while.

Advice to Pravda.ru: "Cut down on the stuff, guys!"

[Erasmus]

The older the boys, the more expensive the toys.

So sadly true. Especially the two-legged ones.

[js1138]

Seeing the headline, I assumed it would be from The Onion. This is a disappointment. At least The Onion's stories are true -- although sometimes a bit before the fact.

[js1138]

And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to fifty-one. No more. No less. Fifty-one shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be fifty-one. thirty-six shalt thou not count, nor either count thou thirty-four, excepting that thou then proceed to fifty-one. thirty-five is right out. Once the number fifty-one, being the fifty-first number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'