Viewers Flee Wall-to-wall Coverage of Boring Non-disaster
Posted on 10/03/2002 8:33:34 AM PDT by Constitutionalist Conservative
DOWNGRADING OF LILI WREAKS DAMAGE IN THE MILLIONS FOR CNN, MSNBC
Viewers Flee Wall-to-wall Coverage of Boring Non-disaster
The ratings of the cable news networks suffered a savage blow today as Lili was downgraded to a Category 2 hurricane, rendering their wall-to-wall coverage of the non-emergency disastrously tedious.
CNN and MSNBC were both expected to suffer losses in the millions as a result of hurricane Lili’s abject failure to produce footage of houses, cars, and other personal property being blown away or smushed.
Fox News, which largely avoided Lili coverage and instead featured footage of conservative pundits shouting at liberals, avoided the devastation caused by Lili’s lack of devastating power.
Of the millions of dollars in losses estimated by CNN and MSNBC, most of it was in the form of money wasted on ominous music and graphics relating to Lili’s widely anticipated destructive havoc, which never occurred.
Unfortunately for the networks, the most riveting footage that Lili produced was MSNBC’s fleeting shot of anchor Brian Williams’ hair being blown about in a goofy manner.
In Washington, President Bush declared the ratings for both CNN and MSNBC a disaster area, authorizing FEMA funds to be dispatched to parent companies AOL/Time Warner and General Electric immediately.
Meanwhile, news executives were already girding for next week, when tedious coverage of the Senate debates over Iraq are expected to deliver yet another roundhouse punch to their already battered ratings.
Idiots like you should not post this until the news is complete. Morgan City has not been reporting for hours and with out power it maybe a while before the true story comes out.
Isn't there anything these poor defenseless news organizations could do? Couldn't they seed the eyewall or something to get it to spin back up to Cat-4?
Your screen name is quite appropriate. You shoot first, ask questions later.
Ever heard of satire? Borowitz's piece is a commentary on the news media, not on the storm itself.
Everyone ought to be grateful that Lili lost steam. FOXNEWS is, in fact, on the scene in Louisiana, with Shepherd Smith on the roof of the FOX affiliate there.
When we went to bed last night, this looked like a major disaster in the making. I didn't notice anything but relief on any network I've watched this morning.
Borowitz is, well, boring.
I treasured this shot--pretty boy Williams all wet & messy.
Dan Rather was broadcasting live from New Orleans. He mentioned that the storm had been downsized to a category 2 BUT was still an EXTREMELY DANGEROUS storm. He was wearing a bright yellow rain slicker, hood down. Unlike Hurricane Carla in 1961, he was not strapped to a tree!
I'll never forget seeing Sam Donaldson covering the Pope's visit to Cuba, only to drop the story like a hot rock as the 'Monica' scandal broke.
Oh well, they can always go with news stories like "3000 year-old Mummy is Pregnant!"
We got the bubble-headed-bleach-blonde who
comes on at five
She can tell you 'bout the plane crash with a gleam
in her eye
It's interesting when people die-
Give us dirty laundry!
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're up
Kick 'em when they're down
Kick 'em when they're stiff
Kick 'em all around
Dirty little secrets
Dirty little lies
We got our dirty little fingers in everybody's pie
We love to cut you down to size
We love dirty laundry
We can do "The Innuendo"
We can dance and sing
When it's said and done we haven't told you a thing
We all know that Crap is King
Give us dirty laundry!
"GET THE WIDOW ON THE SET - we love dirty laundry!"
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