She Used to Be So Nice! (NYMag claims Rosie Mag Circ Plummeted Because Rosie Came Out!)

New York Magazine ^ | September 30, 2002 | Simon Dumenco

[Timesink]

She Used to Be So Nice!

Rosie O'Donnell's magazine partner, Gruner + Jahr, got dumped. Now all it wants is a good cry, a pint of ice cream, and a supportive group of girlfriends -- straight girlfriends, that is.

By Simon Dumenco

Apparently, nobody told Gruner + Jahr that when the woman who once meant everything to you dumps you, you should take pause before sending out a revenge letter. Last week's scathing It's over memo, issued after Rosie O'Donnell pulled the plug on her namesake magazine, had all the quivering-upper-lip indignation of a psycho ex-girlfriend: "It is truly shocking and disappointing [translation: We feel so betrayed!]. . . . It is unfathomable to us [The selfish bitch!]. . . . Rosie cannot simply ignore that obligation [This can't be happening!]."

G+J, the memo went on, felt like it was "caught in the maelstrom of Rosie O'Donnell apparently abandoning her past. She has walked away from her television show, her brand, her public personality, her civility [You . . . you . . . you changed!]." It fell short of saying that she also ditched her standard-issue Florida-mom hairdo, but the subtext was clear: Rosie turned all mean and dykey on us.

The thing is, the lesbian thing really did make a difference. When Rosie came out, G+J hoped that America wouldn't care. But something had to have precipitated Rosie's staggering newsstand decline -- from the 800,000s last year to as low as 200,000 this spring.

When you no longer have a TV show to convey your "brand value" -- cutie-pattootietude -- you become what the tabloids have decided you are. And the tabs decided O'Donnell had become scary.

SEX CHANGE FOR ROSIE? Globe recently asked while critiquing her new lopsided buzzcut. And really, that unfortunate 'do (which I thought the National Lesbian Coordinating Committee had retired back in 1982) signaled that Rosie was set on having an extended f### you moment. Like many gays who come out late in life, she's finally working through her angry adolescence.

The irony is that the publication that G+J will inevitably launch from Rosie's ashes will certainly be yet another pseudo-lesbian publication -- not in the Sapphic sense but in a world-without-men way. McCall's (Rosie's predecessor) was for women who wanted a reprieve from their withholding worse halves. Rosie, likewise, mostly ignored men. But the fact that O'Donnell reportedly wanted to make Mike Tyson a cover boy suggests that after years of faking a crush on Tom Cruise, she's got a ways to go in figuring out what middle-American women care to discern about masculinity.

When she was closeted, her readers could join in the joke that cookies and kids are way more fun than guys. But now that she's intent on affecting the posture of a loud, rude sexual outlaw -- well, maybe G+J's right: She changed. (Okay, I'm sorry 200 people are out of work, but relieved that she gets to be a real person again.)

In the end, perhaps the most pathetic thing about the Rosie affair is that G+J felt the need to insist that it's still got its shit together. You could almost sense G+J collectively touching up its streaked mascara as it declared that it's "been very successful at attracting a vital audience for this type of magazine."

We're still a smart, beautiful company -- anybody would want us. Except for one Artist Formerly Known As Nice.

E-mail: sd17@aol.com

[Timesink]

CATFIGHT!

[goodieD]

snicker.

[Oldeconomybuyer]

Let's see. Ellen "comes out" and her show tanks. Rosie "comes out" and her magazine tanks. Trend or coincidence?

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Rosie could have been bigger than Oprah (in more ways than one) if she hadn't imploded. Good thing she's nuts.

[Sinner6]

Let's see. Ellen "comes out" and her show tanks. Rosie "comes out" and her magazine tanks. Trend or coincidence?

coincidence. Them coming out was a desperate ploy for ratings/circulation. I never watched the shows or read the mags,in fact I don't know of anyone who did, on the grounds they were terrible. Actually I once saw "Ellen" (the show that is) and it was very mediocre, absolutely nothing special.

[Paul Atreides]

I cannot believe there is a person in America, not in a coma, who didn't already know that she's a lesbo.

[pikachu]

Ellen's show was bombing and she used her revelation to try and boost ratings. I think the so called 'Queen of Nice' started sliding the ratings slope after trying to blast Tom Selleck and the gun permit for her body guards hit the Internet.

[Tacis]

Don't worry Rosie, dyke or not, Captain Ahab still wants you.

[pabianice]

[lonestar]

I didn't know any of it was gone. Heck! I never knew it was here when it was here.

[Oldeconomybuyer]

Ellen had some good comedy material in her old HBO specials. That's about all I saw of her. Never watched her network TV show.

[ArcLight]

This is SO funny!

[Paul Atreides]

Also, I think the Tom Selleck interview was the crossroads for Rosie, in that she could not sit there and ask nice questions when interviewing someone of an opposite idealogy. She thinks that she is right, and anyone who disagrees is wrong.

[cruiserman]

She thinks that she is right, and anyone who disagrees is wrong.

Isn't that being human? I certainly think that people who disagree with me are wrong :).

[Paul Atreides]

Sure, it's human. However, she let it cloud her whole premise of her show. If she is going to set up a show that is all sweetness and light, that is just celeb interviews about what project they are working on, she is going to have to stick to that format, or risk alienating her audience. On the other hand, if she wants a talk show that is strictly about challenging people on what they believe, as opposed to what she believes, that is a totally different thing. When it was on the air, would you be surprised if Bill Maher's audience left in droves if he devoted a whole show to Tickle-Me Elmo?

[PsyOp]

"And the tabs decided O'Donnell had become scary."

IMHO she was always scary!

[WL-law]

Let's see. Ellen "comes out" and her show tanks. Rosie "comes out" and her magazine tanks. Trend or coincidence?

Gay men can have their sense of humor/irony/bitchy theatrical campy-ness, but lesbians really are humorless. Because with them it's all faked emotions --- fake horniness, fake attractions, fake humor. They are, for the most part, bitter unattractive women -- and -- big secret -- when they pair up they immediately stop having sex, because there'e nobody to pretend to anymore.

[Oztrich Boy]

Actually I once saw "Ellen" (the show that is) and it was very mediocre, absolutely nothing special.

You must have seem Ellen before she came out. I saw the VSE coming out show: Two(2) reasonably funny lines in half an hour. And apparently it got worse.

She forgot she was supposed to be doing a comedy, people stopped watching. No great mystery or rampant homophobia explanation needed.

[Flashman_at_the_charge]

Her show was about as funny as a dead kids toys. That's why it went belly up.

[avenir]

I cannot believe there is a person in America, not in a coma, who didn't already know that she's a lesbo.

Exactly. But notice how a large audience was willing to "look the other way" as long as this fact was tacit. The minute it became literal all the negative images associated with "dykes" came flooding into consciousness. Don't ask, don't tell, Rosie.

Lesbian or not, I'm still scratching my head as to how Rosie O'Donnell came into that level of success in the first place. She seemed grating, unfunny and insincere as a talk show host.