Posted on 08/19/2002 5:58:32 PM PDT by doug from upland
SEPT. 11, 2002 -- DOUG FROM UPLAND GUEST TEACHER LESSON PLANS (6th grade)
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8:30 Greet kids at the door from morning recess . . . anyone not standing straight in line with hands at their side and mouth shut will run a lap
8:35 Morning song -- THE BALLAD OF MIKE MORAN (Note: we will use the word "bleep" everywhere "ass" appears in the song) Give bonus points to those kids whose parents bought the CD
8:38 Flag Salute -- no recess for any kid not saying "under God" in the pledge
8:40 Take roll. If they don't audibly answer "Present, Mr. DFU" when their name is called, they are considered absent
8:50 Go over word of the day -- thermonuclear . . . practice spelling t-h-e-r-m-o-n-u-c-l-e-a-r . . . use thermonuclear in a sentence . . . have kids break into groups and create a thermonuclear collage of the Middle East
9:50 Morning recess . . . spend 15 minutes with teachers in break room mocking the Clintons and the rest of the RATS . . . put up on bulletin board the contact info for Landmark Legal and the Evergreen Freedom Foundation so those who want extorted union dues returned can get them
10:15 Teacher selected reading to the class . . . today's selection from "President Reagan, The Role of a Lifetime"
10:45 Math . . . calculate the number of radical Islamists in the world . . . calculate how many artillery rounds it would take to kill all of them . . . calculate now many 2,000 pound bombs it would take to kill all of them . . . calculate how many rounds from our latest battlefield rifle it would take to kill all of them
11:45 Lunch time . . . spend 45 minutes in the break room harassing RAT-supporting teachers . . . post pictures of assaulted Juanita Broaddrick, assaulted Eileen Wellstone, thug Terry Lenzner, dead Vince Foster, traitor Bernie Schwartz, dead Caity Mahoney, dead Jim McDougal, big mouth creep Terry McAuliffe, and serpent head Chester James Carville on the bulletin board . . . give them a lesson in why we lived for 8 years in a country that had lost its mind . . . answer questions for any of the RATS brave enough to ask them
12:30 Geography -- discuss how there has never been a country called Palestine and show the historical roots of the Jews in Israel . . . explain how the other Arab countries, particularly Jordan, should take in the goat breath Palestinians
1:00 English - spelling test . . . 1 - terrorist 2 - homicide bomber 3 - Islamist 4 - Sinkmaster 5 - Satan's Daughter 6 - treason 7 - RATS 8 - Arkanside 9 - Arafathead 10 - Flight 800 11 - felon Martha Stewart 12 - Jesse Jackson shakedown 13 - bunker buster 14 - vouchers 15 - ice queen 16 - illegal immigration 17 - Lewinskied 18 - Daisy Cutter 19 - World Trade Center 20 - Mogadishu
1:20 Social Studies -- discuss how Islamists want to live back in the 12th Century . . . discuss how Tommy Daschle and the obstructionist RATS will do anything to hurt the war effort and economy . . . discuss why we must profile and remove those from this country who are not here legally . . . discuss how, except for the peaceful Seiks, all those who walk around with towels on their heads should be sent packing . . . discuss how the so-called religion of peace is responsible for almost every war around the globe . . . discuss why we must kill all the terrorist bastards before they kill us . . . discuss how Bill Clinton spent his time at the sink instead of worrying about fighting terrorism . . . discuss why we should never trust the RATS with foreign policy . . . discuss why the current president will not have Yasser Arafat, Jorge Cabrera, Gregori Luftchansky or Barbra Streisand in the White House
2:55 Sing "God Bless the USA"
3:00 Send the kids home with a pocket copy of the Constitution and tell them they can't watch television or play a stinking video game until they read it . . . warn the kids that this country is screwed if their parents don't vote out the RATS
Spam the world with this!
1. Would explain "thermonuclear" but they wouldn't have to spell it . . . they could use crayons to draw pictures of what will happen to Iraq
2. Math would be easier -- if we bombed 5 terrorists, shot 7 terrorists from a C-130, and hung 3 terrorists out on the playground, how many terrorists have we killed?
3. We would have time for milk and cookies (chocolate chip with pecans and coconut)
4. They would be taught "Run, Iraqi, Run" and "Cowboys and Iraqis."
5. We would throw beanbags at pictures of Bill, Hillary, McAuliffe, and Carville.
6. And, of course, they would only be there half a day.
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