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White House Correspondents Cut Loose in Texas (Hysterical Alert)
BSNN.NET ^ | 8-13-02 | Virginia Hamm

Posted on 08/13/2002 6:00:36 AM PDT by KLT


Above: Appropriately dressed for August in Texas, Hearst Newspapers' Helen Thomas relaxes at an appreciation barbecue sponsored by the Crawdad Chamber of Commerce.

CRAWDAD, TEXAS — Despite widespread grumbling among the White House press corps, some reporters have found ways to make their month-long stay in Crawdad, Texas a little more tolerable. And to aid the burgeoning romance between this little Texas town and the city-loving journalists who invade it whenever the president is around, Crawdad rolled out the red carpet hoping to impress the jaded correspondents.

The city jail, which is seldom used, has been converted into a 10-cell bed and breakfast complete with air conditioning (a large fan placed behind a block of ice) and running water (a converted French drain-style urinal). “I've never felt so at home,” said FOX News Channel's Shepard Smith.

The local slaughterhouse, where the media works, has been wired with the fastest ISDN lines available west of the Mississippi, thanks to a gift from WorldCom. And to top it all off, the Crawdad Chamber of Commerce threw an appreciation barbecue to show the media that while most folks in these parts hate them more than fire ants, they don’t hate the media's money.

Many Crawdadians turned out to mix and mingle with the likes of Claire Shipman, Terry Moran, and Helen Thomas and listen to country music as they ate Rocky Mountain Oysters cooked by Harry Howyadoin, husband of the chamber of commerce president and a member of the Crawdad Sons of Daughters of the American Revolution.

“Most of these folks [reporters] think there’s not much to do here,” said chamber president Ima Fein-Howyadoin as she served up a third helping of Rocky Mountain Oysters to NBC’s David Gregory. “But that’s not true. You can go bass fishin’ at Lake Bush, or bluegill fishin’ at Bush Lake, or catfishin’ on the Blue Dubya River. And once you’ve done all that you can try your hand at frog giggin’ or visit the Janet Reno Wax Museum in nearby Waco. Only dull people have a dull time in Crawdad and we want to do what we can to make y'all feel welcome here.”

There was some question about the hospitality of Crawdad after parent Sherri Butoutski complained to local police that the presence of some reporters put her children's—and their pet gerbil—safety at risk. That problem was settled by a special badge distributed to all reporters by the White House that says in big letters, "I AM A MEMBER OF THE PRESS AND MAY POSE A DANGER TO SMALL CHILDREN, PET RODENTS, AND THE 2ND, 5TH, and 6TH AMENDMENTS.”

© 2002 www.BSNN.net /Nathan Porter All Rights Reserved. Reposting to message boards or discussion forums permitted only with this message intact. Any other reposting or use is strictly prohibited.


TOPICS: Extended News; Political Humor/Cartoons; US: Texas
KEYWORDS: bwahahahahaha; ccrm; cheesewatch; enviralists; fundingtheleft
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To: KLT
Disclaimer is just as funny.
21 posted on 08/13/2002 8:10:53 AM PDT by Corporate Law
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To: Corporate Law
Thought you might appreciate it...I believe the proprietor of that site is a lawyer...funny right?
22 posted on 08/13/2002 8:43:18 AM PDT by KLT
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To: KLT
A Helen Thomas bump (and grind).
23 posted on 08/13/2002 9:25:24 AM PDT by mountaineer
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To: KLT
=80

I didn't want that lunch anymore anyway.

24 posted on 08/13/2002 9:27:40 AM PDT by mewzilla
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To: KLT
Very funny post!! Thanks for the bump...
25 posted on 08/13/2002 9:40:34 AM PDT by Dutchy
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To: KLT
Is this what you would call a "tailgate party"?
26 posted on 08/13/2002 10:12:27 AM PDT by AlaskaErik
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To: KLT
AWW!!!!! Oh Good grief! Warn us next time. I almost lost my lunch. BAWAWAHAHA!
27 posted on 08/13/2002 10:17:27 AM PDT by Teacup
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To: Teacup
AWW!!!!! Oh Good grief! Warn us next time. I almost lost my lunch. BAWAWAHAHA!

I know, I spit my iced tea all over the PC...this is just too funny!

28 posted on 08/13/2002 1:50:43 PM PDT by KLT
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To: mewzilla
I didn't want that lunch anymore anyway.

Nah, who needs lunch...too hot here in the Socialist Republic of NY....

29 posted on 08/13/2002 1:52:06 PM PDT by KLT
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To: AlaskaErik
Is this what you would call a "tailgate party"?

Yeah, some tail...who needs a tailgate...when you can eat on Helen...LOL

Oh, I must go to Alaska I hear it's gorgeous...and I love the cold weather...and skiing...any suggestions Erik?

30 posted on 08/13/2002 1:54:07 PM PDT by KLT
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To: Texas; *CCRM; *Funding the Left; JohnHuang2
Ping Y'All
31 posted on 08/13/2002 1:57:58 PM PDT by KLT
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To: KLT
Eww how gross. Yuck
32 posted on 08/13/2002 2:26:31 PM PDT by Kaslin
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To: Kaslin
Yeah, it's gross all right!
33 posted on 08/13/2002 6:05:14 PM PDT by KLT
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To: Dutchy
Your very welcome Dutchy...Let's Free NY soon!
34 posted on 08/13/2002 6:36:14 PM PDT by KLT
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To: KLT
Janet Reno wax museum in Waco.....ROFLMFAo!!!
35 posted on 08/13/2002 6:40:09 PM PDT by tet68
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To: Howlin
Uh, oh. I hafta warn ya - if you click on this during your morning coffee - I suggest you first place the coffee mug on a flat, sturdy surface...
36 posted on 08/13/2002 6:43:27 PM PDT by Libloather
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To: steveegg
Have Fun.
37 posted on 08/13/2002 6:54:05 PM PDT by Falcon4.0
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To: KLT; hellinahandcart; Dave Dilegge; RaceBannon
Hon...

You've put on a few pounds...

althought I applaud your courage in sharing it with us!!!

At the next FREEP, I suggest you take a pass on the cheesecake!!

Go ahead I can take it!!

38 posted on 08/14/2002 1:48:19 AM PDT by Nitro
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To: Nitro
How'd you know it was me Nitro? Yeah, been eating alot of those pork belly sandwiches lately....does it show...
39 posted on 08/14/2002 6:07:00 AM PDT by KLT
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To: Libloather; Howlin; *cheesewatch
Uh, oh. I hafta warn ya - if you click on this during your morning coffee - I suggest you first place the coffee mug on a flat, sturdy surface...

And whatever you do, don't look at this post while eating bananas.....what a mess....You know though, I think cheese wouldn't stick to the PC monitor as bad...Wait! Did I say cheese?


40 posted on 08/14/2002 6:20:24 AM PDT by KLT
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