Iverson Confesses To Crime Via Double Negative

Enduring Vision ^ | Josh Righter

[Sir Gawain]

Iverson Confesses To Crime Via Double Negative
                                     by Josh Righter

Basketball star Allen Iverson has reportedly just confessed to charges of beating and threatening to kill his girlfriend, according to Philadelphia District Attorney Lynne Abraham, and will be taken to trial "as soon as possible".

Abraham said that Iverson confessed surprisingly readily, and offered very little resistance.

"To be honest, we were expecting him to deny the charges completely," she admitted at a press conference held just hours ago. "From media reports and from Iverson's own attitude, it just really didn't seem like he was going to come out and say that he did anything."

But fortunately for prosecutors, Iverson did confess, only minutes after being taken into a police interrogation room for questioning.

"We asked him if he beat his girlfriend," said interrogator Jerry Muniz. "He replied by saying, 'I didn't beat no one.'"

According to Muniz, Iverson's statement was a double negative; when transposed into correct grammatical format, the statement would read, "I beat someone."

"After he confessed to beating 'someone', we asked him if the person he beat was his girlfriend," Muniz said. "Iverson said, very decisively, 'I ain't never hurt her.'"

Through the rule of double negative, Iverson's statement was actually "I hurt her," which gave police the confirmation they needed to rule that Iverson did confess to beating his girlfriend.

"With that taken care of, we then asked Iverson if he ever threatened to kill his girlfriend, and that yielded a similar double negative," Muniz explained. "It was striking how readily and even vehemently he confessed to his crimes, but I'm glad that he did. He saved himself a lot of trouble, he saved us a lot of trouble, and his sentence is likely to be lighter now that he has confessed."

Surprisingly, Iverson's mother seemed to reinforce her son's confession when interviewed by various members of the media.

"My son didn't beat nobody!" she screamed. "He wouldn't ever harm nobody in his whole life! You ain't got no proof!"

Her last statement translates into "You got proof!", which clued the police in to search Iverson's home carefully, where forensics experts discovered quantities of blood spilled. Though lab results have not come back yet, the blood is assumed to be Iverson's girlfriend's.

"We'd really like to extend our thanks to Mrs. Iverson," said D.A. Abraham. "Without her encouraging us to find proof, our experts may have missed the blood spilled in Iverson's home, which was hidden under a rug. But thanks to her tip off, our team combed his residence with extra care, and sure enough, they got proof."

As he was escorted into a police cruiser headed for prison, the media swarmed Iverson, hoping for a statement. The basketball star did issue one, but it only reaffirmed what he had already told police.

"I didn't beat no one!" he shouted. "I ain't no O.J. Simpson!"

 

[kitkat]

"You realize, don't you, that a significant minority of FReepers are going to
"loose" it when they read this grammar storry"

Yes, but they'll be "to" upset to do anything about it.

[stands2reason]

They definately will!

[LarryLied]

Double negatives have a long and illustrious history in English also. Shakespeare used them. Then some got the erroneous idea that language is math and two no's equal a yes. That sterile attitude robbed the language of much of its richness.

[newgeezer]

That sterile attitude robbed the language of much of its richness.

Uh-huh. Lysol robs a San Francisco public turlet of much of its richness, too.

:-D

[twigs]

Thank you for explaining this misunderstood fact in the development of English. I always liked using the double negative, at least in certain ways. Then when I learned that it played a significant role in the development of the English language, a most remarkable language IMO, I have valued its use all the more!

[twigs]

A problem here is that the woman in question is not his girlfriend. She's his wife.

[LarryLied]

Double negatives and other colorful speech are jarring because our language has been simplified over the decades. It is not a postive trend.

[LarryLied]

This isn't a double negative but an example of wonderful English I found in Arizona when I asked where a friends sister was:

"She done did got herself home," was the reply.

Isn't that better than "She is home"?

There is a road in my Connecticut town named "Roast Meat Hill." 100 years or so ago, a hay wagon caught fire on the road and the horse team pulling it perished. Tell people you live on "Roast Meat Hill" and they never forget it. So much better than "Garden View Terrance" or "Maple Street."

[bvw]

He got ya! "No it ain't"!

[bvw]

"Old New Road" in Bucks County, PA.

[Stone Mountain]

The so-called double negative is a common and natural grammatical form (in French, ne {verb} pas, for example).

Yeah, in Japanese too. English is the only language I know that can use the double negative to imply a stronger negative rather than a postive...

[LarryLied]

And they no doubt called it that because it made perfect sense at the time.

[breakem]

I don't dislike your post.

[Wallaby]

There's a famous story about the topic of double negatives involving Sidney Morganbesser, a philosopher known for his ability to refute by counterexample.

About 30 years ago, a linguist was giving a talk at the MLA in which he claimed that a double negative can form a positive in English, while remaining a negative in other languages. By contrast, he continued, "there is no language in which a double positive forms a negative." From the back of the room, Morganbesser gave his famous retort: "Yeah, yeah!"

(variation of retort: "Yeah, right!")

[ErnBatavia]

another famous athleke quote:..."If it wasn't for footballs, I wouldn't be playing footballs today"

[Victoria Delsoul]

LOL!!! That's so funny! :-D

[Sir Gawain]

:-)

[Republicus2001]

maiming???

more info please

[Chad Fairbanks]

I ain't never had no trouble with no double negatives. My problem tends to be my dangling participle...