Posted on 07/22/2002 2:09:23 PM PDT by GeneD
July 22 — Theron McGriff says he thought the issue in his fight for custody of his kids was supposed to be his parenting skills, but he believes an Idaho judge made his decision based on something else — McGriff's sexuality.
McGriff, 38, who saw primary custody of his two school-age daughters awarded to his ex-wife at a trial in Idaho Falls, Idaho, earlier this year, is gay. "There's no way you can convince me that that judge didn't go into that courtroom with the preconceived notion that there's no way those kids can be there with him because he's gay," McGriff said. "Everything he could, the judge used against me, but the underlying theme is that 'He's gay, he can't have these kids.'"
In his 23-page decision, Bonneville County Magistrate Mark Riddoch allows that there was no doubt about McGriff's parenting skills, which were praised by a court-appointed family counselor who recommended that the custody agreement remain unchanged, but questioned how the breakdown in McGriff's relationship with his ex-wife and his homosexuality would affect the children.
The judge raised concerns about McGriff's plan to move to a new home, which he would share with his partner, and said that if the other man lived in the house there could be no visits by the children at all.
McGriff says that puts him in the position of choosing between his children and his partner, and he says that is not a choice his two children have asked him to make.
"I told the girls we're all made up of different parts. Part of me is I'm gay," he said. "They didn't have a problem with it. My oldest daughter came back the next day and said, 'Does that mean he's gay, too?' I said, 'Yes. We're a couple. That means we're a family,' and she said, 'Well, we already have been.'"
‘Substantial Changes’
McGriff and his wife, Shawn McGriff, divorced in 1997 and originally agreed to joint custody of their two children. They would be with their mother half the week and with their father the other half, and alternate weekends with their two parents.
In December of 2000, Shawn McGriff filed a petition to change the custody arrangement, asking for primary physical custody of the children, and allowing them to visit their father on alternate weekends and on holidays.
The petition "alleged substantial and material changes in circumstances" since the divorce decree, according to court documents.
The change was that Theron McGriff had come out of the closet.
"Events have occurred with respect to the Defendant's [Theron McGriff's] intimate relationship with a person of the same sex which have completely changed the circumstances," Shawn McGriff's petition stated.
"Given the ages of the children, the fact they are approaching puberty, the fact they are girls, the fact that Mr. McGriff is now in a homosexual relationship with another man, the fact that Mr. McGriff has failed to deal with his homosexuality in a responsible and emotionally stable manner, requires that the Parenting Plan be modified," the petition said.
Theron McGriff then filed a counter-petition, asking that he be named primary custodian.
Shawn McGriff did not return phone calls requesting an interview, and a spokeswoman for her lawyer, Marie Tyler, said her office would have no comment on the case and referred ABCNEWS.com to the judge's decision.
A representative for Magistrate Riddoch also said there would be no comment on the decision, which was handed down on May 17.
Conservative Culture?
"[Theron McGriff's] homosexuality may not influence his parenting ability per se, and this court does not decide custody issues on that basis," Riddoch said in his decision. "However, Father's decision to openly co-habit with his partner is a change in circumstances which needed to be jointly communicated to the girls in an appropriate manner. … He has minimized this issue in regard to the conservative culture and morays [sic] in which the children live."
Theron McGriff said that to comply with the court's ruling, he and his partner bought a mobile home which is parked outside the house they bought together.
McGriff has appealed the decision to Idaho District Court, after the state Supreme Court failed to act on a request to hear the case.
There is no law in Idaho barring gay people from having custody of their children, but Theron McGriff's attorney, Marc Weinpel, said it appears that the man's sexuality was the basis for the judge's decision.
"On appeal, I will certainly bring up the fact that there were numerous witnesses who described Mr. McGriff as an outstanding parent and told the court that the children were getting along with him, even with the knowledge that Mr. McGriff is gay," Weinpel said. "The real question is whether sex orientation can be used in the state of Idaho to determine custody cases."
Failure to Communicate
Theron McGriff admitted that his relationship with his wife soured considerably after she learned that he was homosexual, but there was dispute in the testimony at the trial over who was more to blame for the situation.
The two had been ordered to go to counseling together and to decide on a way to tell the children about Theron McGriff's homosexuality together, but that did not happen.
He said his ex-wife "uses faggot, queer, all the negative terms you can imagine" to refer to him.
"She told the kids that Daddy's sick, so there was a negative atmosphere," he said.
He said those kind of things made it impossible for him and his ex-wife to meet together with a counselor or to discuss his homosexuality — or anything else — with their children.
That, along with his decision to take the children to a counselor without his ex-wife and to tell them without her present that he was gay were all cited by Riddoch as reasons for awarding custody to Shawn McGriff.
"Father admitted that he desires no contact with the children's mother," the ruling said. "During his testimony he was visibly angry and his body language appeared to show a strong disliking for her. To this extent Father exhibited a lack of control of his negative feelings for Mother in the presence of the Court. The same or worse is likely outside the courtroom in the company of Mother and/or the children. …
"The evidence credibly showed that Mother was willing to work with and communicate with Father for the girls' best interest but Father was not willing," according to the ruling.
That statement fails to take into account testimony in support of Theron McGriff that it was his ex-wife who was the more belligerent, he and his lawyer said.
McGriff said that before this case, few people who did not know him well were aware that he was homosexual — "That's just a small part of who I am," he said — and he doesn't see his fight as being about anything more than keeping custody of his children.
"I'm in this to get my kids back," he said. "My kids are my life. There's no way I can live without my kids."
The court ruled that as long as he is living with another man, he will have to.
Why does this sound exactly like all those "IT'S FOR THE CHILDREN!" lines that drip so readily from the mouths of Leftists? Obviously these kids are not this man's life, or else he would have chosen to live that life far differently than he is living it now.
That's nice. Treat the kids like luggage. Do these parents have any idea what it's like for these kids to live in a different house every 3 days?
[GR] hunter, from thera (to hunt), cf. therion (wild beast)
2339 thera {thay'-rah}
from ther (a wild animal, as game);; n f
AV - trap 1; 1
1) a hunting of wild beasts to destroy them
2) metaph. of preparing destruction for men
2342 therion {thay-ree'-on}
diminutive from the same as 2339; TDNT - 3:133,333; n n
AV - beast 42, wild beast 3, venomous beast 1; 46
1) an animal
2) a wild animal, wild beast, beast
3) metaph. a brutal, bestial man, savage, ferocious
***
Mc: Irish and Scottish surname prefix meaning "son of"
Griff, short form of Griffin, a mythical beast
McGriff says that puts him in the position of choosing between his children and his partner, and he says that is not a choice his two children have asked him to make.
The choice should be obvious, and he chose poorly. No reponsible parent puts it upon the children to make this decision! Talk about parental psyops.
WHile she may have done this, there is nothing in the story to support this contention... The father says that she called him those names when she found out, but before the girls know... at least that is how I read the story.
One of the main points in the article is that the judge DID give the father an out ... just go through counselling with his ex ... and he wouldn't do it.
It doesn't seem too out of line to me, and I'd guess that other straight fathers have had to jump through bigger hoops for judges in their divorce proceedings. And have just done it even if they didn't agree with it.
Instead of an illness I would call it a disorder.
And calling him a "fag" is about as bad as Dad calling her a "slut" in front of the kids if she ever slept around.
That's no way to talk in front of your kids.
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