INT. - PACKED AUDITORIUM - ON STAGE - NIGHT
BUSH: Well Al, I've heard that you intend to place a good number of radical environmentalists in your cabinet. Why don't you tell us the names of some of the people you are considering?
GORE: OK... tell you their names... but, as you know... many of today's environmentalists legally change their names... change their names to reflect their passion... passion over environmental issues... environmental issues... like Julia "Butterfly" Hill, for example... change their names...
BUSH: That's fine Al, but why don't you tell me who you are considering for your cabinet.
GORE: Secretary of the Interior... "Who Will Speak For The Trees" as Secretary of the Interior...
BUSH: That's what I want to find out, who will be Secretary of the Interior?
GORE: "Who Will Speak For The Trees."
BUSH: Are you running for president, Albert?
GORE: Yes.
BUSH: And as President, you're going to appoint a cabinet...?
GORE: Yes.
BUSH: Well then, you should know the name of the person you are going to nominate for Secretary of the Interior?
GORE: Yes.
BUSH: Well, what's the fella's name?
GORE: "Who Will Speak For The Trees."
BUSH: The Secretary of the Interior, I guess.
GORE: Exactly.
BUSH: And his name is...
GORE: "Who Will Speak For The Trees"
BUSH: It's very difficult getting a straight answer out of you Mr. Vice-President! How about your Secretary of Energy? Do you have someone in mind to be Energy Secretary?
GORE: "Solar Heats Best."
BUSH: Solar power may very well be a viable alternate source of power, but do you have anyone in mind to be your Energy Secretary.
GORE: That's the man's name.
BUSH: That's who's name?
GORE: "Solar Heats Best."
BUSH: Will your Energy Secretary have a name, Al?
GORE: That's it.
BUSH: "Solar Heats Best?"
GORE: Yes... "Solar Heats Best"...
BUSH: Listen, are you gonna have a Defense Secretary?
GORE: Certainly...
BUSH: And he will be...
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: Well, they are designed to, but nuclear weapons are also used to keep the peace. Why don't you tell us who you will nominate to be your Defense Secretary?
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: When you meet with your Defense Secretary, who will you be meeting with?
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: All I'm trying to find out is the fella's name who's going to be your Defense Secretary!
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: "Nukes Kill?" I ask you the name of the guy who going to be your Defense Secretary and you answer "Nukes Kill."
GORE: That's it.
BUSH: "Nukes Kill?"
GORE: A great guy... excellent Defense Secretary... very knowledgable...
BUSH: The Secretary of Defense often has to sign important agreements and treaties. Your Defense Secretary is going to sign...?
GORE: "Nukes Kill."
BUSH: I give up. How about your Attorney General, Al? Is your Attorney General going to have a name?
GORE: "Have To Take A Leak."
BUSH: Your Attorney General... the top law enforcement official in the land... will he have a name?
GORE: "Have To Take A Leak."
BUSH: Are you telling me that you are going to have an Attorney General who's name is "Have To Take A Leak"?
GORE: No, I'm telling you I have to take a leak!... drank alot of iced tea... need to go to the little boy's ro... uh-oh, too late... have to go to K-Mart... get new briefs... new briefs from K-Mart... K-Mart has dry briefs...
