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Better for them to give me their Prime Rib than to dogs which they didn't own. Somehow the concept of what the purpose of doggy bags are really for is much more difficult for them to understand than the explanation I gave. Oh, and they bowed when they handed me the bags.

p.s. I'm watching Pearl Harbor on cable right now. According to this flick, the whole purpose of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor was so Ben Affleck could eventually get to boink Kate Beckinsale.

I had a number of bizarre encounters with eccentric (to us) Japanese tourists in L.A.. One time I was walking near Sunset Boulvard when a taxi pulled up near me filled with Japanese businessmen. Then right behind them a car full of bleach blonde hookers pulled up and they were followed by yet another cab full of bleach blonde hookers.

The two cabs full of bleach blonde hookers unloaded as the Japanese businessmen sat passively in their cab. Then the hookers started screaming and tossing rocks at each other. Each group claimed they had the right to service the Japanese tourists. Hookers in L.A. loved Japanese tourists. They made few demands and tipped well. Also it didn't matter how ugly the hookers were. All they had to do was bleach their hair blonde and they automatically became incredibly desirable to the Japanese businessmen. As a result, almost all hookers in L.A. back then had bleach blonde hair. The Japanese would boink them and then would return to Tokyo and brag about how they bagged a "blonde." Amazingly, those Japanese would prefer an ugly Tori Spelling because she has fake blonde hair to a natural brunette Petra Verkaik (apparently no bragging rights in Japan for bagging a mere brunette who has a body to die for).

Getting back to my story, the two groups of hookers proceeded with their rock bombardment with each other until the ringleaders spotted me watching the scene with amused interest. They asked me to mediate the dispute which I did. I felt sort of like a UN diplomat negotiating a peaceful settlement to a regional war.

Hey, with that experience under my belt, maybe I should go on to mediate between India and Pakistan the next time things flare up over there.