Farm Security: The mohair of the dog that bites you

Miami Herald ^ | Sun, Jun. 23, 2002 | Dave Barry

[WindMinstrel]

If you're like most American taxpayers, you often wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat and ask yourself: ``Am I doing enough to support mohair producers?''

I am pleased to report that you are, thanks to bold action taken recently by the United States Congress (motto: ``Hey, It's not OUR money!''). I am referring to the 2002 Farm Security Act, which recently emerged from the legislative process very much the way a steaming wad of processed vegetation emerges from the digestive tract of a cow.

[Dakmar]

I'm glad we finally got a Republican in the White House. Are we still spending money on saddle-soap for the cavalry?

[KarlInOhio]

Are we still spending money on saddle-soap for the cavalry?

Who cares, just as long as I keep the contract for supplying powder horns and musket ram rods.

I'm still annoyed about losing my flint subsidy because of that jerk who got a congress-critter to take my money away to support his percussion cap business. The army still needs their flintlocks!

[WindMinstrel]

United States Congress (motto: ``Hey, It's not OUR money!'').

That one made me giggle. Dave Barry is funny as hell (and a Libertarian, of course)

[Dakmar]

I suggest you learn a new trade, wheelright perhaps, or maybe cooper. America can always use a good cooper.

[stlrocket]

Hey - Farmers are as deserving and Patriotic as city dwellers and need the welfare just like them!

FARM PATRIOTISM

PATRIOTIC HORSE

SLOW RABBIT

[Indrid Cold]

Probably not, but we are still spending $100,000 per year on the "helium fund", to ensure that our military dirigibles have enough helium in case of war. (Per PJ O'Rourke in "Parliament of Whores".)

[Dakmar]

"Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?"

[Indrid Cold]

Exxxcellent.