Posted on 07/07/2002 10:55:29 PM PDT by FreedomFriend
Kathleen is attractive, successful, witty, and educated. She also can't find a husband. Why? Because most of the men this thirty-something software analyst dates do not want to get married. These men have Peter Pan Syndrome--they refuse to commit, refuse to settle down, and refuse to "grow up."
However, given the family court policies and divorce trends of today, Peter Pan is no naive boy, but instead a wise man.
"Why should I get married and have kids when I could lose those kids and most of what I've worked for at a moment's notice?" asks Dan, a 31 year-old power plant technician who says he will never marry. "I've seen it happen to many of my friends. I know guys who came home one day to an empty house or apartment--wife gone, kids gone. They never saw it coming. Some of them were never able to see their kids regularly again."
The US marriage rate has dipped 40% over the past four decades, to its lowest point ever. There are many plausible explanations for this trend, but one of the least mentioned is that American men, in the face of a family court system which is hopelessly stacked against them, have subconsciously launched a "marriage strike."
It is not difficult to see why. Let's say that Dan defies Peter Pan, marries Kathleen, and has two children. There is a 50% likelihood that this marriage will end in divorce within eight years, and if it does the odds are two to one that it will be Kathleen, not Dan, who initiates the divorce. It may not matter that Dan was a decent husband--studies show that few divorces are initiated over abuse or because the man has already abandoned the family. Nor is adultery cited as a factor by divorcing women appreciably more than by divorcing men.
While the courts may grant Dan and Kathleen joint legal custody, the odds are overwhelming that it is Kathleen, not Dan, who will win physical custody. Over night Dan, accustomed to seeing his kids every day and being an integral part of their lives, will become a "14 percent dad"--a father who is allowed to spend only one out of every 7 days with his own children.
Once divorced, odds are at least even that Dan's ex-wife will interfere with his visitation rights. Three-quarters of divorced men surveyed say their ex-wives have interfered with their visitation, and 40% of mothers studied admitted that they had done so, and that they had generally acted out of spite or in order to punish their exes.
Kathleen will keep the house and most of the couple's assets. Dan will need to set up a new residence and pay at least a third of his take home pay to Kathleen in child support.
As bad as all of this is, it would still make Dan one of the lucky ones. After all, he could be one of those fathers who cannot see his children at all because his ex has made a false accusation of domestic violence, child abuse, or child molestation. Or a father who can only see his own children under supervised visitation or in nightmarish visitation centers where dads are treated like criminals.
He could be one of those fathers whose ex has moved their children hundreds or thousands of miles away, in violation of court orders which courts often do not enforce. He could be one of those fathers who tears up his life and career again and again in order to follow his children, only to have his ex-wife continually move them.
He could be one of the fathers who has lost his job, seen his income drop, or suffered a disabling injury, only to have child support arrearages and interest pile up to create a mountain of debt which he could never hope to pay off. Or a father who is forced to pay 70% or 80% of his income in child support because the court has imputed an unrealistic income to him. Or a dad who suffers from one of the child support enforcement system's endless and difficult to correct errors, or who is jailed because he cannot keep up with his payments. Or a dad who reaches old age impoverished because he lost everything he had in a divorce when he was middle-aged and did not have the time and the opportunity to earn it back.
"It's a shame," Dan says. "I always wanted to be a father and have a family. But unless the laws change and give fathers the same right to be a part of their children's lives as mothers have, it just isn't worth the risk."
It happened to my dad. The custody battle cost him two houses and spiritually broke him. The man is now boderline.
He will probably do what I have been doing for quite sometime now, surviving without any milk at all, I know this may come as a shock to you, but man can live without "milk" , I am 36 and a true bachelor (never married) but I dont use women, I just go without "milk"
LOL, in return? hahahahaha, is sex nothing more to you than a commodity?
I tell you for certain, I go on dates, and turn the woman down for sex, and she gets mad at me , and doesn't return my calls.
If you think the only thing a woman can offer to a marriage is sex, then you are sadly mistaken.
What Dan fails to realize apparently is that the milk still isn't for free because he can find himself paying child support for children he fathers out of wedlock. Kathleen can still have children and get child support from him for 18 years.
My brother's wife of 15 years recently out of the blue asked for a divorce. He then found out why. Basically she's been having multiple affairs during the entire marriage. They have 3 children and he found out the youngest wasn't even his child.
He is getting a divorce but his lawyer told him that it doesn't matter if she "did" an entire pro football team that he was basically gonna get the shaft in divorce court. He lives in FL which is supposedly very protective of the children, which I totally agree with. Because of this they virtually always give custody to the mom, no matter what type of person she is. The mother isn't always the best parent to raise the kids.
His lawyer also told him that if they were unfortunate enough to get a certain female judge that he could be assured to really get taken to the cleaners. Apparently even if both parties agree on the settlement, custody etc and the divorce is completely uncontested she will not grant the divorce until she feels the wife is sticking to the husband enough.
MKM
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