Posted on 06/25/2002 12:12:57 PM PDT by Polycarp
Tuesday, June 25, 2002
Author Escapes Diocese, Is Eaten by Crocodiles
Publius News
Friday June 21,10:32 AM ET
By: Pius Publius
A 34 year old reporter accused of killing the reputation of Bishops Ademec, Weakland, and several hundred Diocesan Seminary directors was eaten by crocodiles as he swam across a river after escaping from the basement of the diocesan offices of Altoona- Johnson, police said on Thursday.
Michael S. Rose, accused by the NCCB of being "too rigid" in his theology,and of having "no understanding of liturgy or church architecture," was captured last week by the Lavender Mafia after fleeing from Dallas following the Bishops conference.
After being held in custody in Altoona-Johnstown,- and being subjected to a fate worse than death-, Rose broke out of his cell over the weekend and was aiming to reenter Cincinnati through the dense liturgical mine field that divides the middle American states.
Apparently far off course, Rose was eaten alive by crocodiles on Monday as he tried to swim across moat of the Taj Mahoney in the Los Angeles. According to eyewitness reports confirmed by police on Thursday, Rose cried:"I regret nothing!" as he was torn limb from limb.
Roger Cardinal Mahoney, upon hearing the news, cried out: "See how great is the glory of our God!...or whatever it is that we worship!" Mahoney then declared a Day of Ecumenical Jungle Dancing on the Altar and whipped out his bongos and grass skirt. Retired Archbishop Rembert Weakland, who's since taken up residence with Mahoney, quickly donned a pink leotard and led the congregation in a motorcycle procession around the altar which culminated with a spectacular leap through a hoop of fire.
© 2002 Publius News Service
***parody***
posted by Brian Barcaro 6/25/2002 02:48:51 PM
Catholic Writer Who Bit Bishop's Head Off Quits
Publius News
Tuesday, June 25, 2002; 12:49 PM
By: Pius Publius
CINCINNATI, Ohio -- A Catholic writer who admitted biting the head off a live bishop has resigned his role as Catholic pundit du jour. Regnery Gateway publishing company board members accepted Michael Rose's resignation from his two-month-old pundit job Monday night.
He will remain as a Catholic ghetto architectural writer from his suburban Cincinnati home. Rose, 33, of Cincinnati, submitted a one-sentence resignation letter dated June 25, board member Al Regnery said. Rose was not at the meeting, and his celery and radishes were consumed by other officials.Regnery said Rose's letter did not mention the bishop incident, in which Rose bit the head off of retired Milwaukee Archbishop Rembert Weakland during the filming of a segment of Hannity and Colmes.
"I think we will miss him as a pundit, and I am sorry to see him resign," Regnery said. "But I respect his wishes."A message seeking comment was left at Rose's home on Tuesday. Regnery said the bishop biting, which led to Rose being charged with episcopal cruelty in Milwaukee, was a mistake and Rose paid a heavy price. Millions lost confidence in Rose's book Goodbye, Good Men after the incident, which occurred in early June in the H&C studios. Rose, some lesser pundits and 15 modernist pro-homosexual apologists were attending a two-day filming, and he said he bit off the bishop's head in a last-ditch effort to "humiliate 'Weakland.'"The criminal charge was dismissed after Rose completed two days of community service.
© 2002 Publius News Service
***parody***
posted by Brian Barcaro 6/25/2002 02:39:49 PM
I am amazed as I continue to read on blogs and websites how "conservative" Catholics beleive homosexual men can become priests. Not only is this illogical but it flies directly in the face of Church teaching and directives by the Vatican. I was just told that the now famous 1961 document has a prelude from 1931.
Similar topic. Michael S. Rose has recently been getting pounded by a few individuals about his book GoodBye Good Men. I say, let them blast away, because in the end his book will be vindicated. The funny part is that not only are these critics taking issue with Rose but they are taking issue with the long list of notable people who have endorsed the book and helped provide information. I wonder how many of these critics ever worked in a chancery office and saw first hand the widespread corruption and dissent? I have and it is not pretty.
It is also Ironic that Bishop Bruskewitz's comments in Dallas have all but been ignored by those who would normally consider him the champion of orthodoxy.
Rod Dreher Wrote:
He told the audience that "this hapless bench of bishops" had failed to address the roots of the crisis, and now courage and fighting tenacity from the laity was required. The avuncular bishop, who is considered a right-wing fringe figure by most of his colleagues, cited the 14th-century St. Catherine of Siena, "an illiterate nun who is now a doctor of the Church," as a model.
"She was brave enough to tell the pope off when he needed telling off," said Bruskewitz. "She did her duty. We must too."
When an audience member asked Bruskewitz why Pope John Paul II has given the church in the U.S. so many lousy bishops, the bishop of Lincoln said he had no idea. Then he cited a letter that the medieval St. Bernard of Clairvaux wrote to a pope of his day, warning the pontiff that if he (the pope) was going to be sent to hell, it would be because he failed to get rid of bad bishops.
"I did pass that letter on to [the current pope]," Bruskewitz said, with a mischievous smile. He went on to praise the Holy Father for coming up with beautiful words and noble sentiments, but to fault him for failing to implement them through responsible governing of the Church. "
I guess we need to add the good Bishop to the long list of Pope-hating Church bashing Catholics...
posted by Brian Barcaro 6/25/2002 09:35:55 AMpeople who have endorsed the book and helped provide information. I wonder how many of these critics ever worked in a chancery office and saw first hand the widespread corruption and dissent? I have and it is not pretty.
It is also Ironic that Bishop Bruskewitz's comments in Dallas have all but been ignored by those who would normally consider him the champion of orthodoxy.
Rod Dreher Wrote:
He told the audience that "this hapless bench of bishops" had failed to address the roots of the crisis, and now courage and fighting tenacity from the laity was required. The avuncular bishop, who is considered a right-wing fringe figure by most of his colleagues, cited the 14th-century St. Catherine of Siena, "an illiterate nun who is now a doctor of the Church," as a model.
"She was brave enough to tell the pope off when he needed telling off," said Bruskewitz. "She did her duty. We must too."
When an audience member asked Bruskewitz why Pope John Paul II has given the church in the U.S. so many lousy bishops, the bishop of Lincoln said he had no idea. Then he cited a letter that the medieval St. Bernard of Clairvaux wrote to a pope of his day, warning the pontiff that if he (the pope) was going to be sent to hell, it would be because he failed to get rid of bad bishops.
"I did pass that letter on to [the current pope]," Bruskewitz said, with a mischievous smile. He went on to praise the Holy Father for coming up with beautiful words and noble sentiments, but to fault him for failing to implement them through responsible governing of the Church. "
I guess we need to add the good Bishop to the long list of Pope-hating Church bashing Catholics...
posted by Brian Barcaro 6/25/2002 09:35:55 AM
Retired Archbishop Rembert Weakland, who's since taken up residence with Mahoney ...That's a juicy tidbit, if it's true. : )
Is he being sarcastic here or is it supposed to be parody?
Why? Which Bishop did you expect him to shack up with? Is he jealous?Retired Archbishop Rembert Weakland, who's since taken up residence with Mahoney ...That's a juicy tidbit, if it's true. : )
patent
patent
The problem with this parody is that there's entirely too much truth in it. It's believable.
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