Boxing hits below belt with Tyson-Lewis bout

For $54.95, the eager entrepreneurs will feed into your TV set the closest thing sports has these days to pornography.

Sometime around midnight Saturday, maybe on the dark side of Sunday, Tyson will fight for the heavyweight championship of the world, and it will be on pay-per-view. His credentials for deserving such a lavish profitable opportunity: exactly 19 rounds of professional fistfights in the last five years.

But of course, that ludicrously rare amount of actual competition is not the real reason, not the real qualification.

The real qualification is that Tyson is virtually certain to do something vile, vulgar or cannibalistic, and the promoters know that for the perverted pleasure of watching this, you will happily permit them to stick the nozzle in your wallet and siphon off $54.95.

It is nights like these that make those of us who, bless our wretched, unworthy souls, find a galvanizing appeal in boxing and harbor an abiding respect for those in the trade, want to hang our heads in shame.

It is nights like these when we are reminded of P. T. Barnum's assessment of the birth rate: a sucker every minute. Astounding how fast that adds up.

The promoters say they will sell more than 1.2 million buys. At $54.95 per. As they say, do the math. This brings to mind armed robbery. No gun, true, but same basic principle of commerce.

Perhaps the most encouraging bit of news to emerge from the buildup was the revelation that the fight had not been the early and complete sellout that had been claimed. False advertising in boxing? Who would ever have guessed?

In the immortal words of the promoter Bob Arum, words that ring as true today as when he first spoke them: "OK, I was lying yesterday, but I'm telling the truth today."

The truly unsettling aspect of this fight is that Tyson has a chance to win and to become the heavyweight king again. Such a sour and sorry prospect.

Of course, this will require him to keep his composure and not revert to his aberrant behavior and implode in rage and frustration. If he avoids another emotional meltdown, if he doesn't begin chewing off hunks of flesh from his opponent, if he doesn't belt the referee, then he has a chance.

Because for all that Lennox Lewis, the champion, has and does, his chin remains suspect. It is made of the finest crystal.

If Lewis cannot fend off Tyson's wild-bull charges with a starching jab and crisp straight right, then things become interesting.

Of course, there is an even better chance that Tyson will self-destruct before the fight begins, or as soon as he senses he has no chance.

The promoters have all but put manacles and chains on Tyson. Lewis has everything but a restraining order on Tyson.

The advertising for this fight titillates and teases, suggesting that something bizarre is almost guaranteed to happen, and who would want to miss that?

Each fighter is guaranteed $17 million. Tyson won't get 17 cents because his debt is staggering, due to the adroit accounting of Don King and to Tyson's own obscene self-indulgence and reckless spending habits. By his own reckoning he has blown half a billion dollars.

He remains, however, a guilty pleasure for some. He hasn't been the champion in six years, yet many think maybe he still is.

A lot of cities and a lot of states took a pass on this one. Memphis is the host city. It stands to realize around $30 million, according to some estimates. Some venues have sold their civic souls for less. All those casinos just across the Mississippi border are happily raking in what the visitors spill.

The Tennessee state legislator who campaigned to land the fight for Memphis, Joe Towns Jr., declared: "Mike Tyson is an industry, just like Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson."

Yes, he is. And for $54.95, you can contribute to the financial health of that dubious industry.

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Guest Editorial:
"Iron" Mike Tyson
“The Ludicrous Thoughts of Those That Criticize Me”

    You know, a lot of people like to think that I’m crazy or something. Listen, my friend, that just ain’t true. Sure, I’ve done some crazy things in my life, like raping and biting peoples, but that don’t mean that I’m crazy all the time. Like, say you got into a car accident. That don’t mean that you drive around getting into car accidents all the time, does it? I say no, it doesn’t. And if you did get into accidents all the time, it would be a ludicrous assumption to construe that you did so on purpose. More constructiveness and purposefullness is needed when we think through things, such as the pre-mentioned scenario that I have just described.
     I think most of the crazy things that I may have done in the past are due to the fact that I am misunderstood and persecuted. Nobody knows about the thoughts that go inside of my head, but everybody tries to judge me when I act on the thoughts. That, to me, is thinking that is post-judiciously false and erroneous in several ways. Another reason is my persecution. I have been taken advantage of my whole life; by acquaintances, managers, wives, and even those that proclaimated to be my friends. They all either wanted my money, my talent, or my fame. When they began to understand that they couldn’t have it, they would conspire behind me and force me into situations where only craziness seemed to defamate things.
     Now, I am about to fight Lennox Lewis for the heavyweight championship of the world. He is an example of another punk who is trying to cash in on my famitude and talents. Who would Lennox Lewis be without Mike Tyson? He would have no interest in him, whatsoever. He would be fighting somebody, but nobody would care. I am making Lennox Lewis richer and more famous than he has ever been. But instead of expressing gratitudes and thoughtfulness, he is attempting to disrespect me, in the newspapers and in the press. So, when I heard these things, I said that I wanted to punch his brain with my fist. Now, some people thought that was a crazy thing to say. But, now that you understand the multitudes of things that he said and did to force my buttons and push me into the situation, I think you must agree that me wanting to punch his brain with my fist is a sensible and rational conclusion to the question.
     A lot of people are betting against me in this fight, and in life. They want me to fail because I represent multitudes of things that most people just do not realize. That is why I am writing this editorial and calling it “The Ludicrous Thoughts of Those Who Criticize Me”. I hope that the words that I have proclaimed onto these pages will help everyone to understand what happens inside my head, and why I say some of the things and do some of the things that I do.
     In conclusion, this is not a perfect world that we live in, and sometimes forces beyond the regularness of our lives contribute to our actions. Like, the man who goes to work every day but sometimes his thoughts project into another life where he is not going to work all of the time. Or the housewife who wishes that she could perfunctorily go on a vacation and not have the responsibilities that the normallness in her life produces for her. Those are examples that maybe you, the common person, can relate to, and begin to understand my life and why I really am not crazy.

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