Posted on 05/12/2002 3:33:06 AM PDT by pt17
Jane Swift just can't seem to get the hang of this governor thing.
First of all, in a lame-duck feeding frenzy, your main agenda should be hiring people, not firing them. They'll all be fired soon enough, just like you were.
Second, shouldn't any sitting governor, even a toll-crazed embarrassment, be able to come up with a better consolation prize than a $42,600-a-year no-show with the U.S. Postal Service?
Oh sure, the ``part-time'' post office gig is like stealing, and that's important to a serial kleptomaniac like Swift. Her dream of a $12 toll from Framingham to Logan may be dead, but how about a $12 stamp to mail a first-class letter?
This is a woman the voters were preparing to Return to Sender, the girl no U.S. male ever wanted to play post office with. Now she is headed for another nine years at the public trough.
Surely no one doubts that neither wind nor rain nor sleet nor snow will keep Swifty from the swift completion of her appointed rounds - to every KFC, Taco Bell, Wendy's and All-U-Can-Eat buffet in Berkshire County.
After all, the Bride of Chucky has but two goals in life. She wants to go places and eat things, as Monty Python would say.
I'm sure she sees this express-mail pipe bomb to the taxpayers as just the beginning. First she absconds with her $2 million campaign kitty, and even in these low-interest-rate times, that kind of dough should throw off at least 60K a year, tax-free.
And now this Postal Service sinecure - apparently for Jane Swift, the Postman does Always Ring Twice. With a couple of more directorships from companies that owe her (Bechtel? Mass. Electric?) she can be as gainfully unemployed as Chucky. The bottom line is, Jane Swift is scheming to become a welfare mom. Corporate welfare.
What's more perplexing is this lame-duck Reign of Terror she has unleashed on her own party's hackerama. This week Swift loosed the fateful lightning of her terrible, swift sword on a guy named Jim Connelly, a paper shuffler with the Department of Telecommunications and Energy.
He had a good job at a good wage - $1,968.45 a week. But apparently he wasn't showing enough ``respect,'' and this is a very big thing among Jane Swift's crew of pension-scamming wannabees.
Connelly, who did not return a call Friday, was not showing proper ``respect'' to his $963.56-a-week flack, one Rob Wilson. Sources say Rob got his job the old-fashioned way. He married the sister of Stacey Rainey, Swifty's extremely talented campaign manager. Wilson did not return a call Friday.
Connelly also did not defer to Swift aide Henri Rauschenbach, an ex-state senator who once admitted that because he only made ``30 beans'' a year, he was basically supported by his in-laws. Finally Henri got himself a real job. He was promptly indicted, and although he beat the rap, he has been known ever since as Henri Kickenbach.
For the next seven months, Kickenbach makes $2,115.39 a week, after which he will be lucky to make 30 beans a decade. But on his way out the door, he demands . . . respect.
On bended knee, Kickenbach hands Swift a cruller and tells her, if they don't respect me, they don't respect you. Stacey Rainey brings Jane a Ho-Ho and says, when they diss my brother-in-law, they're dissing you.
Swift grabs a full-bellied fried clam, slathers it with tartar sauce, stuffs it into her yap and barks out the order: ``Whack him!''
She tried to clip the two Turnpike guys, Christy Mihos and Jordan Levy. Of course they had to go - they were sniffing around the Big Dig, trying to stop the rip-offs. They refused to rubber-stamp the $12 tolls.
But she botched the hit, just like she did the assassination attempt on Robin Dawson, the head of the Film Bureau. Robin, too, committed an unpardonable sin - she cooperated with a federal grand jury, but there's another reason Swifty desperately wants Robin to sleep with the fishes.
Robin had a date to the senior prom. Unlike you-know-who.
How many more payroll patriots will get two in the hat before Jane leaves the Corner Office in January? At least a few, but the good news is, Jane may be preoccupied with more pressing tasks for the next seven months.
She has to go places and eat things.
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