Help! My Wife is Addicted to ICQ Chat! (Vanity)

Reve BM | May 2, 2002 | Reve BM

[ReveBM]

My wife recently discovered ICQ chat and has been using it for about a month. She spends something like 4 hours a day on it (obviously, mostly in the late evening after the kids are in bed). She spends a lot of time giggling to herself over the funny things people say.

I know the chat is not sexual because I am right by her and she often tells me verbatim what she is typing to people (which drives me crazy if I am trying to read).

Anyway, does anyone else out there have a partner addicted to chat like this? Does it go on forever? Is it harmful? Is it worse than being addicted to Freerepublic?

Are there ways that I could encourage her to do more "creative" things with her time, in a supportive way?

I am cutting her a lot of slack right now because she recently overcame a major bout of clinical depression, which bottomed out last August. She just went off Zoloft 2 months ago and has been dressing better and better with more self-respect than I've seen her do in some time.

Thoughts?

Me? I'm fine. Nothing odd at all about me.

[Howlin]

I have everybody blocked except people who know my user name; I keep up with my kids, family and friends this way.

[FITZ]

I used to meet some pretty neat people ---I used to 'run into' some college kid from Malaysia and I'd be making dinner and he'd be getting breakfast ---or vice versa and we'd describe the food we ate. I learned about everyday life in Malaysia and it was interesting ---this kid was smart --he had plans to move to the US and was using the internet to learn English and find out how American people were so he'd be ready when he came over. Then that government cut the students off from the internet so he lost access. Those were the days of telnet talkers but I gave all that up.

[Hawkeye's Girl]

Yes, but that's it. It doesn't matter if it's ICQ or AOL chat or FR or reading fan fic or surfing around or whatever. If you're spending too much time on the net, you're using it to fill a void in your life. Sure, you can do that with just about everything, but the Internet is particularly seductive in the fact that you can tell yourself that you're socializing with a bunch of people when you're really just typing on a screen all by yourself.

[swheats]

LOL a friend of mine sent me an email and she used chat lingo and I had to write her back to see what a few things meant. Being Chat challenged caused a slight problem for me. It might seemed to her that I was too wordy.

[Bella_Bru]

Hmmmm......if she does have small children, a break every now and then might be nice. My mom always went to dinner once a week with her friends. It was our favorite night----dad saw nothing wrong with potato chips and cake for dinner. ;-)

[Vicki]

Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to chat with strangers. Also from a woman's perspective, we operate on an emotional level.

For example, say one day you have a bad argument with your wife. She talks to one of her friends online who is male. He is very understanding and compassionate and gives comfort to your wife.

Please don't get me wrong I'm not saying your wife is going to run off with someone from the internet, all I am saying is why play with fire. All of us have our vunerablities and weaknesses. Good grief we all get our share of problems without opening a door possibly inviting more.

It is interesting that men can be lost in their addiction to pornography, but women can get addicted through conversations on the internet.

[ReveBM]

I hope if I ever became disabled someday and unable to go out, that I would still have access to the internet. Indeed, I would still "really just typing on a screen all by myself", but I think it would add a lot of color to a life that might otherwise be pretty bleak.

[Bella_Bru]

Hey, you are online right now talking to all of us......

Why not try talking to your wife and finding out what her needs are instead of asking us?

[pittsburgh gop guy]

and is she chatting with mostly men or woman? And can you ever really know?

I say it is bad either way. Get her reading. F icq. Get her back on drugs if need be. Beat her if you must, but get her off the internet. Or...watch as things progress and what you thought was a good mariage falls apart and she runs off with an unemployed programmer she met online in a chat room.

Trust me dude, nothing good will come of it if she is chatting with anyone but family or friends that she already knows.

[Bella_Bru]

Your advice would be good for the folks who spend all day here. This place is no different. Hell, the front page of FR warns that this site is addictive.

[ReveBM]

Guys, thanks for replying and giving a wide range of opinion.

If was completely unworried about my wife's chatting I wouldn't even have written this thread.

You've given me food for thought, and possibly some stuff to act on. Best to you and yours.

[WillaJohns]

It's wonderful that the Mrs. is laughing and having a good time. She sounds like a darling lady with a wonderful partner. I can just picture you two, side by side, each doing your own thing, but together. Don't you see? She's found an activity that keeps her physically close to you but still allows you to do your work. Would you rather she watch TV four hours a night? Rejoice in her happiness and don't be afraid of it. A man with a happy wife is a lucky man indeed.

[Dinsdale]

Knock her up, take away her shoes and confine her to the kitchen.

< fleeing >

[Fifth Business]

You seem concise enough to me. Plus you get bonus points for using punctuation, capitalization, etc.

Friends don't let friends Instant Message.

[Hawkeye's Girl]

Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. I met a guy online who had to do that. But given the opportunity, in person interaction is better.