Posted on 04/23/2002 6:35:19 AM PDT by Lazamataz
|
|
As the elected leader of the newly-designated Roman Catholic State of Israel, Airel Sharon has assumed the position of Cardinal of the Israeli Diocese. |
JERUSALEM —In an effort to confuse Palestinian bombers, the entire nation of Israel converted to Catholicism today. As the Knesset met yesterday, Shlomo Benizri submitted legislation that would formally change the official religion of Israel to Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in particular.
Speaking outside the Knesset chamber, Benizri told reporters, "If we just change religions, maybe the Palestinians won't really notice us any more."
The measure passed overwhelmingly.
Alex Plotzker, of the news organization Ha'aretz, said in a commentary Monday night: "This brilliant move by our government will certainly lower our profile in the Islamic world. And now that we are no longer Jews, there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"
As the people of Israel struggled to adapt to the change, airlifts of Crucifixes, Stations of the Cross, little Patron Saint cards and painted statues of the Virgin Mary were being planned from the United States.
"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."
"Does that mean I have to change my name from Binyamin Chazan to Mark Masamacchi?" puzzled another.
In the Vatican, the Pope was informed of this recent development, but an ankle injury prevented him from commenting.
(But will islemmings pray to a glowing crater?)
Huh? I thought the lost tribes were know of as "deadheads",and they all drove around in VW buses?
You've revealed the basic flaw in this otherwise brilliant strategy. The mohammedan fundamentalists hate everybody, including themselves.
Hey! Maybe move the Palis there? Plenty of room,and nodbody cares if they bomb the French speakers.
How could this be? It doesn't matter what their ethnic background is,they would still be Jews.Just because the originals "converts" were less than sincere,it doesn't mean their descendants didn't take the Jewish religion seriously. You can also be sure that many married/interbred with ethnic Jews over the centuries,so that is just another link.
Are you talking about missionary position? ;^)
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.