 By Peter Burt
MONICA Lewinsky says she's not a "cheesy slut" - and she wants the world to know it. In her first-ever conversation about the sex scandal that's rocked America, the 25-year-old ex-White House intern has talked candidly about the incredible ordeal she's been through - and how she still yearns for true love with the man of her dreams, STAR has learned. "All my life I've wanted to be famous," the beleaguered Monica - opening up for the first time after months of silence - confided to a pal recently. "I had dreams of being as internationally famous, admired and respected as Princess Di. I wanted to be a media or movie star. But I didn't want this kind of fame and celebrity. "I hate being perceived as this fat and easy party girl," she said. "That's not me. The last thing I want is to be perceived as some cheesy slut. "There's no way I can go through the rest of my life branded as the girl who brought down President Clinton. I deserve better than that. "I want to get on with my life!" The woman at the center of the White House impeachment controversy made her first comments in Los Angeles, where she had been in hiding until the Linda Tripp tapes and the last of the Kenneth Starr evidence was officially released to the public. But now, after months of being silenced by her lawyers, Monica is finally free to speak - and friends say she's telling them "anything and everything" about her and President, Clinton. In fact, STAR learned that Monica showed up at a fancy party in Hollywood last week and stunned the guests there by making a series of amazingly frank and outspoken comments about how tired she was of being perceived as a national joke. She told people that what still hurts her the most are the gibes about her weight. "You know, I m not as fat as everyone says I am," she insisted. "I was looking really hot when I first went to work as a White House intern and that's what I'm going to get back to. This has all been a horrible ordeal for me. I've had no time or privacy during the past eight months. I've been a virtual prisoner in my own home and that plays hell with your eating habits. "I've had no dates and there's been no going out without being hounded. For the last eight months my only indulgence has been food. "Now I only really need to lose about 20 pounds or so to get my sexy look back, l would never look great being too thin because my best asset, my breasts, would get very small. Besides, my head's too big anyway. "I want to hire the best beauty and fashion consultants and a personal fitness trainer. With the right people on my side I should get my figure back in no time." Monica insists she still wants to be famous too but this time says she's looking for the right kind of fame. So she plans to pursue a career in show business. "I've always wanted to be a star," she added. "So now that I'm famous, even though it's not the way I would prefer, I'm going to capitalize on it. I'm starting back with acting lessons soon and I'll also be getting television training. "Maybe someday I can have my own show on MTV - aimed at young women. "I'm going to make it once I shed my bad image, just you wait and see." Monica also says she wants to finally, find a man she can trust to fill her lonely life. "I deserve a nice guy once and for all," Monica said to a friend. "And I'm not gonna fall for some guy who likes me for the wrong reasons. I'm sure I could find lots of men who just wanna fool around with the same woman who had sex with President Clinton. But that's not for me. "No, this time it will be different. An unmarried man who loves me for who I am and will take care of me for life. "It's what I deserve and it's what I'm going to get!" Monica still hopes to make money out of everything that's happened. "The only reason I agreed to tell all to Ken Starr is because I was told that by doing so I'd be set for life," she said. "Well, that's not working out as I planned. My mother thought a book would pay me $6 million but that deal didn't work out. Now I'll have to make it on my own. "I'm told that this Starr report was released in such detail and so widely publi- cized that any book I might want to write about this whole mess had been devalued. "But don't count on that being the whole truth -I've still got many more secrets that haven't seen the light of day." One thing Monica is very worried about is that the Linda Tripp tapes released by Congress from the Starr report make her look bad to the American public. "Linda Tripp baited me into that whole trap," Monica complained to a friend. "God, I hate her. "I know the tapes will also hurt some other people I worked with at the White House and make me sound so conceited. I told Linda that they were all just jealous of me because of my sexy good looks and great personality. And sort of alluded that none of them had what I did in terms of brains and looks." But Monica says that people who think she's conceited and immature have it all wrong. "I'm not the awful person so many people think I am," she insisted. "I've really changed and I've grown more in the last year than I did in my previous 24 years." But Monica's friends say she's still Confused about everything that's happened to her since the scandal exploded earlier this year. "Monica changes her mind every five minutes about what she wants to do," one friend told STAR. "She's very easily persuaded by people, especially her mother. "But now Monica is determined to get on with her life - and to get rich and famous while doing it." 
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