YeeeeeeeeeHaw!
Posted on 02/17/2002 4:45:01 AM PST by NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
14. Chapter 1: How to Read
13. Chapter 6: Dress for Success: Tube Tops and Skynyrd Tour Shirts
12. Chapter 4: Advanced Technical Terms -- "Yeeeehaww!", "Whoooodoggie!" and "Golldurn!"
11. Chapter 12: Why Drunk Chicks Flash the Drivers, and How to Nail Them
10. Chapter 17: "I Watch It for the Allegorical Portrayal of Post-Modern Tropism" and Other Things to Tell Fancy-Pants Urbanites
9. Chapter 5: Saying "Dick Trickle" Without Snickering
8. Appendix A: 20 Quick Prayers for Those Upside-Down Moments
7. Chapter 2: The Finer Points of Hating Jeff Gordon
6. Chapter 13: Where to Find Them Little Fake "Calvin" Kids Peeing On Stuff
5. Chapter 8: I Tell You Whut!
4. Chapter 9: Going the Distance: Peeing Into an Empty Big Gulp Cup at 200+ mph
3. Chapter 15: Spit or Swallow? Learning to Chew Tobacco Through Sexual Metaphors
2. Chapter 3: Hey, Isn't Dale a Girl's Name?
And the Number 1 Chapter in "NASCAR for Dummies"...
1. Chapter 7: The Mullet: The Haircut of the Gods is a Practical AND Fashionable Hairstyle for the Discerning Automotive Enthusiast
The first thing you'll hear is that "many of the greatest men in American history have been NASCAR drivers, and some of them DIED for your sins!"
I've got relatives that look like that. They are in Georgia, so I'm not really surprised.
This is how the race goes:
It starts, cars get lined up according to how much money their sponsors gave them to engineer a faster car, the drivers with the most sponsorship money win, the ones without that money lose- no matter how good or bad a driver they are.
So, between the first lap and about the 25th lap, the field gets sorted out along those lines, then, you can just turn off the t.v., and come back 5 laps before the end of the race and it'll be virutally the same line-up.
The race has eliminated driver skill AGAIN and put complaining advertisers who want all that money they spent to sponsor a driver seen as many times around the circle in the first 5 or 6 cars. Don't want people being distracted by a change in lead or a competitive race- no sir- just have 'em stare right at those hoods and see the sponsors name over and over and over again.
An example- last year at the qualifying races for the Daytona 500, there were 21 lead changes in just 50 laps- last year the playing field was evened out with a more equal aerodynamic requirement, so that the race was based MORE on driver skill than anything. This year, they changed the aero package back- its back to the old crap of making it about advertisers who pay the most- there were only 4 lead changes in the qualifying races.
Over the winter, NASCAR was threatened with sponsors removing their sponsorship of cars if they couldn't get a return on their advertising investment according to the amount of money they invested in "the hood" per times seen going around in the camera in a cricle.
So, now, instead of the races being about driver skill, its about BORINGLY watching a car sponsored by whoever paid the most for their hood advertisement via sponsorship, go around in stupid, single-file, unsportsmanlike circles for hours on end.
NASCAR has become a joke. I'm watching one race this year- the Daytona 500. If the guy in the back of the pack doesn't have the opportunity to work his way up to the front using driver skill, there is no reason for me to just sit there for three hours watching a hood ornament saying "DuPont" or "Budweiser" or "Napa" on it go around in circles and no, or, little, driver skill is allowed to be exhibited for the sake of the brandishing the most expensive hood ornament advertising on t.v..
NASCAR has become a watered-down fluffy three hour "paid program" for advertisers. It ain't a race no more when it's single file, no changes in leads for the most part... it's just plain stupid. Paltry.
Too bad, last year NASCAR had doctors and lawyers and engineers and college professors watching it. This year they'll be back to highschool drop-outs and people who haven't enough intelligence to figure out something that's actually stimulating to do on Sunday besides drink a bud, buy a part at Napa, or whatever it is people do with Dupont (guess they want you to buy their stock or garden hoses- who in the hell knows).
Sheesh, what a shame, the sport had some real potential of interest coming to it last year when they changed the aero-package to make it more competitive, but now they've blown it by going back.
Good riddance I guess, but it's too bad. And to think about it, only one driver got killed last year in an absolutely freak accident that had nothing to do with last years aero-package- it was Earnhardt.
I'm not sure I'd like Chapter 2 :-(
But judging by the fact that there are tracks in Dover, New Hampshire, New York, Michigan, Chicago, etc.. that are filled to the brim every race day. And track owners are lining up, begging for a date on the calendar, I'd say it's not just a southern thang.
I bet CART would just love to borrow some fan base.
Photos please?
NoCurrentFreeperByThatName
However, had you said Alabama I would have agreed whole heartedly. :)
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