That's Irma on your left. She's drums and glockenspiel. Wanda on your right. She's bass and harmony. Tanya is lead screecher.
Note to billing dept: $5,000,000 consulting
Posted on 01/15/2002 5:48:31 PM PST by parsifal
Our internet connections are very quirky here in Arkansas. I found these sitting in my inbox.
From: Ken @ Enron
To: Bob @ AA- New York
Dear Bob.
How are you? Fine I hope. I think I got it now. "Debits" are pluses and "credits" are minuses. When you put them together, they wipe each other out. I still don't understand why "sales" are "credits." If "sales" are credits, then that makes them "minuses." But I thought sales were a good thing? How about "sales" for "cash"? Are they "credits" too? If so, how can that be? Cash and credit are not the same are they?
Yours, Ken.
From: Bob @AA- New York
To: Ken@enron
Dear Ken,
I am fine. Thank you. "Debits" are pluses only on one part of the balance sheet, the top part. On the bottom part of the balance sheet, (the Liabilities, Equity, and Income part), they are minuses. On the bottom part, "credits" make things bigger. Cash is a "debit" It is not the same thing as a "credit.", although the Cash Account can be "debited" or "credited" .
Sincerely, Bob.
Blind copy - Billing Dept.: Bill Enron $50,000 - Consulting.
From: Ken @ Enron
To: Bob@ AA-New York
Dear Bob,
How are you? Fine I hope. We have credited the Cash Account for our Sales, so it completely off the balance sheet now. The bottom part, that is. Are partnerships "debits" or "credits"? In the meeting you said they were assets that could become liabilities. Our treasurer is confused. I am not doing too good myself.
Yours, Ken
From Bob@AA-New York
To: Ken@Enron
Dear Ken,
I am fine. Thank you. I think what we have here is a failure to communicate. You need to "credit" your Sales Account for any cash. "Debit" the Cash Account, unless it is a sale on credit. Then, you "debit" Accounts Receivable which is an asset. If you don't, the SEC will get involved. Partnerships are neither "debits" or "credits". They all have their very own balance sheet. Remember, "debit" the potential losses.
Sincerely, Bob.
Blind Copy Billing Dept.: Bill Enron $100,000 - Consulting
From: Ken @ Enron
To: Bob @ AA-New York
Dear Bob.
How are you? Fine I hope. Do we have to sell the losses? Can I just give them to some of the executives here for Christmas bonuses? The secretary will not get involved. It is not her job. All she does is answer the phone and schedule meetings for me. We have set up brand new balance sheets for all the little partnerships like you said. Debiting our losses to Accounts Receivable made our Sales Account get bigger too. Our stock really shot up. By the way, what exactly is broad band?
Yours, Ken.
From Bob@AA-New York
To: AA- Houston
Houston,
We have a problem.
Bob.
That's Irma on your left. She's drums and glockenspiel. Wanda on your right. She's bass and harmony. Tanya is lead screecher.
Note to billing dept: $5,000,000 consulting
From:lay@enron.com
cc:
Message:
Arty - I heard the other night in my accounting class at the junior college that having lots of debt on the books can make you look bad.
Can you make some of our debt at Enron disappear?
Please let me know. We wanna look real good to all the folks out there on Wall Street.
Let me know.
Ken "Bubba" Lay
Dear Bob.
How are you? Fine I hope. We had chicken-fried steak for lunch today.
Your last explanation was impossible to understand, so I've forwarded it to the IR boys for dissemination to the Street. Analysts would rather be skinned alive than admit they don't understand something, or claim it's nonsense.
Is this a great country or not? Let's roll!
Yours, Ken.
EBS Overview
Enron Broadband Services (EBS) is a premier provider of bandwidth and network services. Through a robust bandwidth trading and intermediation business, EBS is developing an open and efficient market for bandwidth that provides liquidity, reliability, price transparency and guaranteed service levels. EBS combines its market-based bandwidth solutions and its extensive network connectivity to enable network and application providers to dynamically provision and pay for bandwidth as they need it. EBS is also introducing financial and risk management products to the telecommunications and technology industries to reduce price uncertainty and provide greater flexibility and stability for customers.
EBS is continuously looking for new opportunities to apply its unique business model. The company is now actively trading voice minutes, and developing markets for semiconductors and media services. EBS is also working with content owners and distribution companies to digitally deliver content over its proprietary video on-demand platform.
("EBS is continuously looking for new opportunities to apply its unique business model."??? And they said humor is dead...parsy)
From Arty: "Sure, Ken. It's called Chapter 11."
"EBS is continuously looking for new opportunities to apply its unique business model"
Inmate 02692590, Ken Lay, and Inmate 02694638, Arty Anderson were recently sent to solitary confinment for 30 days each for unauthorized use of office equipment.
During a routine cell inspection at Huntsville State Prison, Cellblock "E" inmates Lay and Anderson were found to have in their possession a high speed paper shedder, recently reported missing from the prison administrative office.
When confronted with the evidence they both said they thought the device was a document scanner.
More news later.
From: Lay@Enron.com
Lay: Hey !!!!! Heres an IDEA!!!! We can ALWAYS give this debt to that DUMB BROAD HILLARY and EQUALLY STUPID Hubby Bill!!! I Mean They are so Stupid do you HONESTLY think to check their BANK ACCOUNT????
Lawyer: MAN!!!! You ARE suicidal AREN'T YOU!!!!Only an IMBECILE would dream up something like THIS!!!!
Lay: Hey come on here!!!! Its you and your STUPID FEES THAT ARE KILLING THIS COMPANY!!!!Perhaps I Should tell ALL our Employees how you help LOOT THIS COMPANY????
From: Lay@Enron.com
Memo to Audiors:
here is some bills from our latest BUSINESS TRIP to the MUSTANG RANCH with some of our more DISTINGUISHED congresscritters....Bill is for 750,000. Dollars Think you can SPIN IT AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE?????:-))))
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